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Subject:

Hey

Author:
James

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Date Posted: Tuesday, April 29 2003, 11:12:22 GMT ( - 8 )

Hope you don't mind me posting here....but if I don't get my feelings out somewhere I think I'll burst...or at least blow my top..lol I'm not exactly a regular poster but I do check out the boards pretty often.

So anyway, I'm at uni (ie college in american-speak!) in the UK - in my second year now - I'm 19. And there's this REAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLY attractive guy who lives right near me who is just drop dead gorgeous. He has such a soft, sensitive, beautiful look (he's definitely attractive enough to be a model), a great smile,lovely blond-brown hair down to his shoulders which he sorta plays with while he's talking to you, and a really soft voice. Also he's gay and (I'm pretty sure) single..when I see him, he makes me tingle and my heart starts racing.... *cringes* ok that sounds vomit-inducingly sentimental, but it's the truth. I can't describe the emotions he makes me feel. Let's just say he blows my mind, and stands an excellent chance of breaking my heart permanently if he wants to...

Anyway, so he's a kind of friend once removed at the moment who I've finally got around to getting to know a little - frankly so far I'd been really intimidated because of how sexy he is...but I'm overcoming it now! I think also I didn't want to try and fail, you know?

OK now I'm getting on to the rant stage (finally) - against the world in general, really. last night some of us were playing cards, and he was there, and we were both kind of catching looks out of the corners of our eyes, but I just CANNOT TELL whether he's interested, not interested or just not even thinking about it (lol i'm pretty obsessed at the moment!) Then he calls round this morning cos I'd forgotten my coat, and he's like standing there but without anything to say, and I'm wondering if he's waiting because he wants to speak to me or maybe he doesn't really like me but is just playing, or just feels he should stand there in case i have something to say, or...

I just dunno..there's no advice anyone can really give me I guess - something or nothing will happen in time - but I just wish I could do speed things up - I feel so powerless and impatiant. WHY IS LIFE SO F**KING CRUEL AND UNFAIR???? And the more i give myself over to him and the more I get to know him and reveal myself to him, the worse I might lose out. I just know that he's the most attractive human being, in personality and looks, that I've ever met/spoken to/even seen. And I feel like I have a chance....AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I hope my 20s aren't going to be this complicated and emotional........

Sorry if this doesn't quite qualify as a bitching session (altho I think it makes rant status) ...but well, watchagonnado? LOL Thanks for having me!

ps servus Alie, wie geht's?

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Replies:

[> Subject: For general purposes only - no specific reason - I think you should go outside and kick yourself in the ass all the way around the block! Well you might as well do it now (kick yourself in the ass) because years from now thats exactly what you will be doing as you WONDER would it have been different if I had the guts to take a chance!! For the moment try and put the lust on the back burner and.....

Author:
<:) duck/ed
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Date Posted: Tuesday, April 29 2003, 12:47:50 GMT ( - 8 )

see what you can do about establishing a friendship with this young man. Get to know him and see if you truly do have things in common - find out if you can spend an evening in or go out and enjoy each others company -

You had the perfect opportunity when he returned your coat -

You were playing cards somewhere and he was there - yet it was he who took the time and made an effort to return your coat - that should tell you someting! SCHMUCK!! (not trying to make you feel bad by calling you names - just motivate you!!) WHY IN THE HELL DIDN'T YOU INVITE HIM IN FOR A ..(what do you call it over there??) CUPPA ????

Sounds to me like he is proabably as nervous about the whole thing as you - One of you is going to have to break the ice.

At the moment James you are infatuated with this guy, you are definitely attracted to him and lust is showing - Your not in Love with him yet because you don't know him well enough nor have you spend any real time with him - from the sounds of things though that is a definite possibility. Well guess what guy, your no different then the rest of us and when two people get emotionally involved they become vulnerable - with Love comes trust and hence vulnerability and yes you may be hurt or this guy might be the guy you end up spending the rest of your life with -

If your unwilling to take a chance YOU WILL NEVER KNOW - and that is not going to change next year - or in your 20's or 30's - in order to find that person your going to have to take chances and perhaps it won't work out and you may be hurt but if you are so fearful of that potential pain, or go into it expecting rejection then just avoid all the emotional entanglements and accept the fact that you are going to be a very lonely individual -- oh bye the way thats a pretty painful way to live too - therefore if you look at it like that what have you got to loose?

The next time you see him and can talk to him alone - invite him out to a movie or whatever - if he agrees great and if he brushes you off - well at least you know - and you move on - if he accepts you don't have to hide the fact that your nervous - can even tell him it might break the ice as he admits the same - play it by ear and BE YOU

Hope it works out and hope you don't end up kicking yourself in the ass 10 years from now wondering if it would have been different if you had the balls to SEE IF THAT CLICK WAS THERE!!

One more thing James -

There is not another individual anywhere on this planet that you can
FORCE to Love you - NOT ONE!

Conversely there is not another individual on earth that can
FORCE you to Love them - NOT ONE

BECAUSE LOVE - REAL LOVE - IS MAGICAL, MYSTICAL and SPIRITUAL

and

IT HAPPENS WHEN IT HAPPENS!!

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[> [> Subject: how did you get to be so right? :p

Author:
James
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Date Posted: Tuesday, April 29 2003, 14:52:33 GMT ( - 8 )

ok i'm working on stuff...a film sounds good..it's just...

maybe we should have a bit of (month old) history here...the first time I introduced myself to him, I actually stutterred - stutterred! I literally had what I was going to say to him in my head, but the moment I saw him when he opened his door and we made eye contact, it just all went. I was just standing there, and he was like "hello?" - I just couldn't speak. Then a time after that I ran into him and found myself holding my breath - it's pretty hard to invite someone to a film in a single breath! But he doesn't seem to be especially ignoring me - we were making quite a lot of eye contact the other night. I think he realises I'm interested in him. He's sooooooooo cute!

I really appreciate your advice - it's pretty hard here, cos I'm only sorta kinda out to a couple (ie. 2) of friends - and I think they thought it was a joke...also, they're mutual friends of Russell (His name!) so basically I don't have anyone to talk to about this - it's harder to get up the courage to ask someone out without people supporting you... and it might kind of come as a shock to some people. I guess I don't want to make myself a laughing stock, but hey you gotta stake some to win some as you might say over there!

But i think you just tipped the balance - I'm definitely going to give it a try and ask him out - like you say, otherwise I'll never know. And what's he got to lose, anyway? OK, I'm psyching myself up now...I'll see when I see him next, but otherwise, maybe ask him this weekend... ooooooooo.....I'm excited now...

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[> [> [> Subject: Answer to that question - BEEN THERE DONE THAT! about asking him out,,,

Author:
<:) frazzled pink duck
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Date Posted: Tuesday, April 29 2003, 19:24:25 GMT ( - 8 )

stop dwelling on it - stop thinking about it - stop psyching yourself up over it

JUST FUCKING DO IT

From the sounds of it you have already sent him sufficient signals as to your infatuation - so you've probably given yourself away just a bit - so

either he knows your very interested and is wondering why you never say anything

or

he things your very strange and perhaps a blithering idiot

geez now you tell me that the only guys you are out too are also his mutual friends - you don't think they've told him -
get over yourself guaranteed they have -

You may think you are only out to 2 friends but from the way you been acting every time Russel is about - won't be long til the entire campus knows!

If not a movie then the next time you see him just ask him if he would like to go to ----- for a cup of that stuff you call tea or for a what do you call it a pint at the local pub whatever - or leave your jacket where he is apt to find it again (boy did you blow that one bigtime - perfect opportunity to invite him in for a cup of tea and me (meaning you)

GOOD LUCK JAMES

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[> [> [> [> Subject: I can't believe he hasn't noticed your awkwardness.

Author:
Trevor/TJ
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Date Posted: Wednesday, April 30 2003, 22:14:00 GMT ( - 8 )

And yet, he played cards with you, asked you over to get your coat (not dropped it by your room) so he isn't avoiding you. And with all those glances etc it really sounds like he is "receptive" to you making the first move. Just my uninformed opinion, but like duck said, doing something doesn't necessarily have to be "a date" - but will give you a chance to get to know him better and vice versa. Maybe he'll even "not avoid you even more" if you know what I mean! If it turns out he isn't your perfect soulmate, it might still be great to have a new friend you can be yourself around, maybe do some group things with, etc. Good luck.

Quack - Hi Ed - haven't been here in ages! Politics scares me off, but plenty there to legitimately whine about these days!

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[> Subject: Servus James, es geht schon so halbwegs, in particular when I don't need to leave the house and can hide from that stupid hay fever.

Author:
Alie
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Date Posted: Thursday, May 01 2003, 4:56:24 GMT ( - 8 )

I have to agree with Duckie and Trevor. Either he's a complete dork or he has to have at least a faint inkling. He also seems to think that you are not a complete dork as he didn't run. I think he may be waiting for you to make the first step. You obviously know for sure hat he's gay, so he has to be out at least to his friends. You are not out, so he's very likely a bit hesitant to risk getting whacked upside the head if his gaydar gave false signal.

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[> Subject: Hey James, I want an update!
Author: Alie [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Thursday, May 08 2003, 13:25:43 GMT ( - 8 ) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Ok here's whats been happening...

Author:
James
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Date Posted: Friday, May 09 2003, 18:03:26 GMT ( - 8 )

I haven't actually seen Russel around to ask him out or anything for the time being. Actually, I think it might be a mistake to take things too quickly - after all, we don't even really know each other, and he's pretty cold until he gets to know you, apparently.

However, I had a really long chat with a female friend of mine today, for hours. I never talked to anyone before in r/l about gay stuff, but I'd told her a while back but we didn't really say much about it... but today we talked about it and my crush on Russel. It may just be talking, but I felt a hell of a lot better about it afterwards - like it's been stored up for a long time, and now I can be open about it to her at least, and also a couple of other friends.

So basically, I've recruited her to help me get to know Russel. Anyway, we're all going out for tea tomorrow (tea in UK = dinner by the way, or is it "supper" in the US?), and then a couple of cocktails. I'm going to invite Russel - it could be good fun.

Anyway, things are happening, which is something. I guess its good tho' that I've got plenty of stuff on now - 2 essays per week, loads of reading and work to do, and I meet up with my friends at night. I have a little less time to think about Russel - which makes me more likely to actually meet up with him or something. Anyway, I'll keep you posted!

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[> [> [> Subject: This sounds like a good start - I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Author: Alie [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: Saturday, May 10 2003, 10:34:07 GMT ( - 8 ) [ Post a Reply to This Message ]