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Subject: The down transmission


Author:
Cassandra
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Date Posted: 01:33:25 07/28/02 Sun

The edge of my inquiry right now is into the continual down direction of my life. The impulse that seems to always be there to feel into everything, to experience all the pain, embrace all the emotions. The only relief I seem to have from this continual immersion in the shadow is my rather compulsive playing of computer solitaire and various other sundry compulsions. For a few focused moments I can forget. Other than that I'm just going down down down.

Is it the transmission? Is it my stuff, my way of coping by collapsing? Is it because I might be a nine enneagram type and therefore have a tendency to trance out as a way of dealing with pain and stress? I really don't know what it is. I actually enjoy going down, but now, after 3 1/2 years of it I am beginning to wonder if there might be something more to life.

I'm also wondering is how it is for others. Especially for others who have been in their second birth for at least a couple of years. Do you also have very little desire to experience states of consciousness that are more vast and expansive? Are you content and complacent about heading nearly always in a down direction? Or are you even doing that?

I guess I'm really questioning the whole event. Not that I would ever go back to 1B. I shiver in horror at the very thought. But I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm not just oozing back in there anyway. Slowly drifting into a less aware state of consciousness, choosing to numb out at lot. Wallowing deeply in depression, sadness, anger and terror I sometimes wonder if there IS anything more to life.

I would love to have some feedback on all this from anyone who cares to respond.

Thanks!

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Replies:
Subject Author Date
Re: The down transmissionKyla06:38:37 07/28/02 Sun
Re: The down transmissionKate13:47:09 07/28/02 Sun
Re: The down transmissionKyla16:16:22 07/31/02 Wed


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