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Date Posted: 19:05:22 11/17/03 Mon
Author: Kay
Subject: Bloody shards.

Man. What can I say? I was looking through the archives today, laughing at times, and smiling sagely in others, just enjoying myself when I saw it.

In archive 10, nearly at the last of the messages was Sushi's ode to Terole. Several others, I don't know how many of you are still here, contributed to saying goodbye to the game, and the sight of it brought tears to my eyes. You probably don't know this but I'm not one that cries that often or that easily, but the things that you all said touched my heart... and also touched a part of it that is still raw. I never got to say goodbye to my dear, dear friend Terole. I left like a sluggard in the middle of its most important times, the times when it was vital for Terole to stay alive.

I got lazy. You know why? Because I got tired of the inactivity of the people around me. The trend had continued for too long: I'd post... a couple of weeks later, someone else would post. I'd post again and it would be an equally long time before someone replied. I got to the point when I didn't bother. I saw that two or three had posted and I ignored it. I got lazy. I know it sounds like I'm ranting and raving about people's inactivity right now, but that's not why I'm writing this. Sure, it may help kickstart some people back in gear but that's not my goal.

I just want to say goodbye to a lost friend and attempt to heal some of my own scars by doing so.

I know that you all have forgiven me for leaving. For letting TFD disobey Redwood's orders to find new Guardians. For letting Katrina and Dart stop firing on the Drakkan base on Xerachin. And for anything else I may have stopped doing. You all have let it go like water under the bridge, and I thank you for that.
But I haven't forgiven myself. I don't know that I ever will, because it seems to weigh so heavily on my shoulders that I can't help but feel that it was partially my fault for letting Terole go down. And that thought rips my heart in two.

Collie made a farewell address to Terole too, and it was the very last message in the archives. No doubt that it will be deleted when I post this lament, but I want to recap for a moment. She made references to several of the chars my own chars knew and loved. Ones like Chonda and Satanic Fury. The mention of the latter tweaks the strings in my heart. To The Five Deaths he wasn't just a demon. He was a friend... perhaps even closer than a friend. He may have been a nuisance to some of you but I will always look back on him with fondness and nostalgia.

Collie also made reference to the SpotterPup race. She said it was "The end of an era of 'fun' species." I'm proud to say that I made them up and achieved the honor of getting mentioned in her ode to Terole. Starz 'N' Planetz was certainly a fun character to play. Although I did not play her for long, I suspect that more SpotterPups followed in her absence.
I'm honored and at the same time, feel a great regret. The SpotterPups were then just a fun species, but they have, over the years, developed in both history and culture through time. I cannot explain this feeling of grief, only to say that I feel bad about it in some... strange way.

As I look back through the years and think about how much fun I had on Terole, I'm reminded of how excited I was when I found it.
See, I had created several kinds of species before I'd even heard of Terole, and I was longing for a place to role-play them with others. When I saw Terole, I was estatic. Finally I could bring Kumayakies to life! My first character was none other than my friend The Five Deaths, who has been an inspiration to me and at times, seems to be a part of me. I can't say the number of times when I felt like doing only something she would. It felt like TFD 'took over' when I got angry at something.
Even now she's with me, though she is but an imaginary personage I have created, I've done so much with her over time that it's like she's real. I know what she's thinking and what she would do in a given situation. That's part of the reason I made KRPG. TFD's spirit wanted out again. To be free to interact with others. After one of those times when I'd fallen inactive for a long time, I got restless. All I would be able to think about is coming back to Terole and setting TFD loose again.

Terole has made a difference in my life. It has prompted me to bring Anyana to life- not just as a handful of species that I pretended to be and made up for the heck of it. But its own world, one that I can close my eyes and release my imagination so I can run loose in it, be it as a Terror, Kumayaki, Mancaw, or one of the many other species I've made.
And with thanking Terole I thank its creator. I didn't think about this being an ode to Sushi but I do thank her. For taking an idea and turning it into reality.

All those who made Terole come alive, to the chars and their players, I thank you. To the hard workers that labored to bring it through its lows and to the Guardians who worked to keep things under control during its highs, I thank you.
To whoever made it possible, and to God Who gave me the gift of not only imagination, creativity, and writing, but drawing, singing, humor, and whatever He has blessed me with...

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And now I formally say goodbye to Terole, with great sadness but the promise of many happy memories made, you have been an inspiration, spare-time eater, and more than I can ever hope to say or think.

You have changed my life and the lives of others.


Farewell.

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