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Date Posted: 20:37:53 06/25/06 Sun
Author: Liz
Author Host/IP: cpe-24-175-42-10.houston.res.rr.com / 24.175.42.10
Subject: Frustration

It's Sunday again and the blues weigh heavy on me. On a day that should be one of the best days of my week too. My man-friend, as usual, is working and playing ball. My kids, as usual, are out with their friends or working. I did get to go shopping with one of them for a couple of hours this afternoon (read, got to spend about $125 on her and my "wants").

Also cleaned the aquarium, changed the cat sand, did two loads of wash, went to the grocery store, wrote some email. Called a friend about seeing a movie, but she had a last minute change of plans (predictable).

I "should" be happy. I have a lot going right. I have a new work assignment that has to be better than the last one, even if it isn't my dream job. My kids are doing fine and will soon both be off to college. They will overlap for one semester but after this coming year it should get easier financially. My man-friend is a good person who is nice and kind and the biggest problem we have (I have) is I don't get to see him enough.

We have been talking for a long time about an engagement (although we are not yet officially engaged) and buying a house together, which will help alleviate the issue of not seeing him enough and the 50 mile round trip drive between our houses, which is related to not seeing him enough.

But the carrot seems as elusive as ever, as elusive as when I was dating someone halfway across the country. We live in the same city but we can't agree on what part of town to live in. He likes his area, I like mine. He has issues with every compromise. If we split the distance, our choices are older and rather expensive homes. He doesn't want an older home. If we go far out enough where they are building new homes in our price range, we would have a ridiculous commute and be far from all the city cultural opportunities that are important to us (from museums and theater to baseball and hockey).

Even our price range is debatable. If we are going to go the big, new house route, I feel like we might as well get a big enough house that all 4 of our kids would feel at home. He wants a house that is just enough smaller to create a problem (4 bedrooms when we have 4 kids is just asking for hurt feelings). Another bedroom might cost another $20 grand. But what is the big deal about that, spending another 7 or 8%? It's not as if this is meant to be our final dream home or retirement home, the long-range plan is to move in 4 or 5 years or so, whether we take an overseas assignment or retire to the east coast and reinvent our careers there. So, we'd just be renting this house from the bank for a while and with luck it will be a good investment too.

I know this all sounds petty and stupid, but the weekends go by and we do nothing about house hunting. It is so damn hot, it is hard to be motivated to do anything and much of what we do is not enjoyable. Last night we went to a symphony concert in a park and it was humid and sweltering and hard to even appreciate the music.

I just don't like not having a plan. I want to know where I am going to be living and if I am moving, I want to start packing and making some progress because it is going to be a bitch to go through this house and sort out the accumulation of 18 years of stuff. I want to get it over with. I want to be sleeping under the same roof as the person I love (and I don't mean packing a suitcase and having sleepovers when the kids go away). This is our 4th year together and I am ready to move to the next phase and, while it made sense to wait for the kids to graduate high school and start college, that is 2 months off and I thought we'd have a plan by now.

To make it worse, he doesn't like to talk about it, he makes jokes or changes the subject or tells me something good will happen and he wants to spend his life with me and we will get married one day and oh, did I see the Astros lost again ...

Anyway, I just needed to get some of this out. Thanks for being here.

Liz

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