| Subject: Re: the aftermath |
Author:
Deb
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 14:30:15 01/12/05 Wed
In reply to:
kim
's message, "the aftermath" on 11:31:41 01/12/05 Wed
>hey there, too bad i didn't read these posts before i
>went kind of nuts. i just got done purging, it was the
>first time i had done it in awhile. at least the full
>out binge/purge thing. i think my roommate knew
>something was up. he kept trying to talk to me, and i
>was just like, i'm fine and locked myself in my room
>with a bunch of food. then i took a shower and was
>blaring music from 'wicked' while i was puking my guts
>out. anyways, i have to admit, it did make me feel
>better, but probably not in the way i should be
>feeling better. does anyone know what i mean?? this is
>such a hard thing to get over. it's like i get to a
>certian point of being stressed, and then i just want
>to do stuff like that which just hurts my body. i
>can't explain it, but i really do feel kind of nuts
>knowing i do it. and i feel even worse becuase i know
>that if i were to tell troy, he'd be absolutely
>dissapointed in me, not so much mad, but sad because
>he doesnt'w ant me doing that to myself. yet i allowed
>it to happen!!! aaugh, as far as the class goes, yeah,
>i dont know what i was thinking. i only have 3 days
>left though, and i dont know what i should do. i could
>drop it and get a w, or i could finsih it out, and get
>a bad grade and then RETAKE it again. but yeah you're
>right my brain needed a rest, i think that's why i did
>so bad today, is because i've been crammming and
>studying so much my brain was like overloaded or
>something! aaugh...so frustereating. its like i have
>been doing nothing but studying, and its not like it
>paid off that much!!
>this whole ed thing is driving me nuts too, its like i
>really want to be a music therapist some day and help
>people with problems like this, but how can i do that
>if i can't even stop myself from doing it??
>grr..anyways, thanks for listening to me. you guys are
>so great and soo supportive. its great to know i have
>a place i can always feel welcome at. thanks so much
>for everything. you are all sooo amazing!
>thanks again and take care~
>always~
>Kim
<...while i was puking my guts out. anyways, i have to admit, it did make me feel better, but probably not in the way i should be feeling better. does anyone know what i mean?>
YUP - sure as heck do! Such a relief and actually a feeling of strange accomplishment. At least until I'm hungry again and battling whether or not to go through it all over again or just until the guilt and depression have time to set in. Just not worth it.
Retaking a course isn't the end of the world. Many people have to retake exams (i.e. the bar exam to become a lawyer) many times before they succeed. I recently finished a correspondence course in Medical Transcription that took me slightly over 2 years to complete because I was adamant about getting only A's on my exams (that's my anal anorexic brain!) I could've finished the foolish thing in about 6 or 8 months but I had my ups and downs so I took my time, spread out the pace so that rather than get overwhelmed, upset and quit I finished with the grades I really wanted.
Hang in there ~ and I'm glad to hear Troy is still around!
Deb
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 