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Subject:  lost |
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Author: newy (sad and angry with myself) | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 9/01/07 13:08 dont really know what to say. looking to the pagan way of life to help me solve my innerdemons. hurt my girlfriend recently and i cant come to terms with it. if anyone can give me any help i would well appreciate your input. newy [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
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Author: sam spaniel [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 13:57 would there be a chance of giving us even the slightest detail newy?? it may be easier to help you. i am sure you will find help here hun. welcome to the garden xx sam x [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy (still lost) [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 15:57 just find it hard to explain. my girlfriend and i came in from a night out, she promptly accused me of something and i just flipped. i hate wot i have done and it is killing me. i have never harmed anyone in my life. my neighbour came over and said that i had past out. the fact that she hates me is well deserved, the fact that i hurt someone that i love is whats killing me. my ex is a pagan and i believe that through the pagan way, i can find a path back to my own sanity. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Paganwolf [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 16:36 As said earlier, its very difficult to offer any specific advice without knowing specifics. You need to ask yourself your state of mind, were you drunk?, bad mood? stressed? you need to identify what caused this reaction, try to deal with it, I think you should write her a letter, explain your feelings, that you are sorry, above all else, you need to do this from the heart, not just for the reason that you want to reconcile this relationship. Do you need external help? if so don't be ashamed to get it. make our point and apology sincere and from the heart and whatever you do, don't pester, time is a great healer. Above all else, learn from this experience hope this helps [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 17:12 it is so hard to explain. i am seeking advice. i do suffer from extreamly painfull migraines. yes, at the time we had both been out drinking. yes we thought we would stay together forever. i dont deserve her forgivness and wouldnt expect it. she deserves better. i want to stop punishing myself. i dont want to end up on anti-depressants. i just cant believe i did wot i did. i havnt eaten since saturday night, i aint even left the house. i dont expect the help, i need to find myself. i have 11 stones infront of me to see if they can help. newy [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: paganwolf [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 20:15 Firstly, stop beating yourself up about what has happened, whats done is done, the most important thing is to learn from it and to make sure it NEVER happens again. Whether she can see that you are doing something about it and are truly sorry is in no-ones hands but hers. The only advice I can give is to light a candle, pray she'll see you, take things slowly and hopefully things will work out. I wish I could help more but i'll keep you in my prayers blessings love and light Wolf [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: zenwind [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 20:50 Hi, Before I go on realise I do not know much about specifically pagan approaches to situations and I know that is what you requested but reading your post I was moved and wanted to respond to you. What I will say is that newy that speaks to us now is not his/her anger....the anger is merely a state of mind that happened in you because I assume you felt hurt or attacked in some way. It is anger that is the probem, not you...so please be less hard on yourself. You are already saying that you recognise that your reaction was harmful and you feel remorse which will assist you in future to do things differently. There is a saying: "Fall down seven times, get up eight." Perhaps you may need support to do so? Guilt makes us turn anger on ourselves which helps nobody so please try to give yourself a break...for your friend and for you. Guilt can't undo your past actions, it doesn't help you understand the situation any better than you already do and it won't help you move on, resolve things with your friend or forgive yourself. From what you say it is very difficult to say anything additional on specifics and I have probably already made some assumptions that aren't appropriate. I do not know whether you feel your reaction is something that may come up again and create pain in your or towards those you care for. You may need a structured solution or support externally as already mentioned. Perhaps some kind of calming meditation could help to help you find some space, calm your mind and develop a more accepting frame of mind. may all be well namaste zenwind [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 21:19 thank you to everyone... one person who heard all the fighting goin on, has said that it was not all me. and the things that my now ex has said, she is not as bad as was claimed. i do thank you all for trying to help, but i just cannot believe it was me. a friend of mine asked if there was a possibility of my drink been spiked, this i will never know. i just cant believe it happend. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sam spaniel [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 22:06 my thoughts, prayers are with you newy... i have lit a candle in hope that things will work out. don't push things lovely, let it all happen naturally... what will be will be... it is obvious you are suffering some remourse over this, i feel for you, may peace overcome you for a time and show you and yours the way back to united happiness. take care lovely, sam xxxxxx [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: zenwind [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 22:15 "a friend of mine asked if there was a possibility of my drink been spiked, this i will never know." It could be a possiblity. I am hearing more and more people are having their drinks spiked resulting in behaviour out of character. A lecturer friend of mine says it was a real problem around Christmas among students in particular and aimed at both sexes. Horrendous. May we all be extra careful of guarding our drinks!! My thoughts are with you at this stressful difficult time. namaste zenwind [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 9/01/07 22:24 once again i thank you all. weather i was spiked, or if i blacked out and collapsed like my neighbour said, its the thought of me raising my hand to the person i loved. we all know that time is a great healer, and i do believe that. its the pain i feel inside for doin whatever i did that hurts the most. thank you all for your kind words. as my ex would say. love, lite and rainbows. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: whitewolf [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 2:12 Welcome to the garden newy - I'm sorry I've come in so late on this, others have already offered you good advice, and there's not much I could add at this moment... I do feel perhaps some meditation (on a soul searching / journeying intent, if you like) may help you work out what happened and help you move forward. Blessings whitewolf [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 8:51 Hello Newy Welcome to the Garden. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad at the moment. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time for you. As Whitewolf says, there isnt much else to add to the good advice our Garden friends have already given. I can only reiterate that 'whats done is done'. NOTHING whatsoever can change that fact, so you have to move forward from that moment in time. It sounds like your actions were very out of character and there could be a number of explanations for that. You mention you get a lot of headaches - have you discussed this with someone medical? You dont mention whether the 'blackout' was a one off or whether it has happened before, particularly after taking alcohol. If this isnt being investigated, I would ensure that you see someone soon regarding this to get it checked out. You need to look after yourself as well as others. I think writing the letter is a good idea. Your ex will be very hurt and full of emotion at the moment, particularly if she loved you deeply (you dont mention how long you have been together). If she truly knows you, she will realise that your actions were very out of character and once her wounds (I mean emotional ones) have healed, she may be able to look at the situation differently. Right now, it is too soon and I wouldnt recommend you see her without her request. This may take time to heal so you will need to be patient. You will need to prove to her that you feel terrible about what happened but that you want to do something about it and are seeking help and support. Come to the Garden as often as you want Newy - Im sure you will already have realised what special people come here. None of us is perfect, we all have our problems and faults and EVERYONE makes mistakes - Ive made some real big ones in my time but I believe everything happens for a reason and although Im not saying we are meant to hurt anyone, sometimes a terrible event can lead to a journey of self discovery and even a new beginning. Take care hun. You are in my thoughts. BUA - Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 9:15 you have all been so very kind in your words of wisdom. may i take the time to tell you a little of myself. i am a single parent of three children, 2 boys and 1 girl. i work part time as a tattooist. before i moved here 6 yrs ago, i had my own holistic practice offering, osteopathy, reflexology, indian head massage and triggerpoint accupuncture. i am 40yrs old ( and at the moment feeling older). my intrest in paganism originated through my ex, and i have been back and forth to the garden for around 6mth. the blackout was a one off. it is totally out of character and i was suppose to go for a head scan before i moved. dont want to babble to much but thank yuo all again for your kind words. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: pilgrim [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 15:00 I haven't chimed in on this because I really didn't have anything to say that hadn't already been said. So I'll just say welcome to the garden. :-). Oh you mentioned you were supposed to get a head scan. You should probably do that especially if a black out occured. Very important you should see your doctor and tell him/her what happened. Good luck. Pilgrim [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sam spaniel [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14/01/07 18:53 you are still in my thoughts hun. your candle is lit and plenty of loving energies are being sent your and your girlfriends (ex?) ways. bright blessings to you. sam spaniel xx [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Permandi [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 15/01/07 13:09 Hi Newy,ditto to all that's been said before. I was a single parent to 3 little bods and it's a hard and lonely job, even harder for a bloke as society is geared to single mums. Please don't dismiss anti deppresents to readily. It took me 2 years to admit I needed some help and without them and some counselling, I wouldn't have seen last Yule.Also go for that scan, the kids need you well and happy. We're all entitled to make a mistake now and then just learn from it and try not to repeat it. Thinking of you Bestest wishes Permandi [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |