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• I'm lost in myself and afraid of who I really am. -- Travis, 19:32:59 10/10/05 Mon
  • He looked up, still holding Lysia close to him as the door opened, tears running down his face. His eyes were tortured, his head shaking as he rocked her body in his arms as if he could comfort her even though she was gone. "I don't know...I don't know what happened..I just came up to get her to eat..and...and..." He shook his head, burying his face in her hair as he held her tighter. He didn't know what to do, who to call, who to tell, he couldn't think of any of that right now. All he could think was that his beautiful little Lysia, so full of sass and pride...she was gone. (NT) -- Joey, 19:37:41 10/10/05 Mon

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• He froze when he pushed through the door and nearly choked on his own breath at the sight - he knew immediately that she was gone. Even in her sleep, she was never that quiet and still and peaceful. A hand flew to his mouth as he turned away quickly, eyes slamming shut in an attempt to erase that image from his mind. "Oh my god, Joey." The words nearly didn't come out, and a hand moved to steady himself against the doorframe - the red paint on his hands and up his arm terrifying him for a moment before he regained some sense of reality. "Jesus." (NT) -- Travis, 19:47:20 10/10/05 Mon

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• He let out a ragged breath, swallowing heavily as he looked down at her. "Yesterday, she was so sweet when I was walking her to work, all touchy and smiling and telling me she loved me..." He squeezed his eyes shut, his brow furrowed heavily. "She was telling me goodbye and I didn't even realize it...I was so fucking blind I didn't even see that she was going to leave us..." His tears were still pouring down his cheeks onto the young girls blank face. He was so lost here, he may be the oldest most responsable one in this house but this was something beyond him. This was Lysia, dead, in his arms. (NT) -- Joey, 19:53:40 10/10/05 Mon

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• "No, no..." He repeated a few times, littered with curses, and still didn't turn to face the pair, his head shaking violently - this couldn't be true. He had been so blind too - she had left him a note - and he had done this to her. She had wanted him to love her, and he hadn't let himself, and the pain of that coupled with the tragedy of her life had been too much for the young girl to handle. "God, she left me a note, Joey... I should have called you..." He should have known a couple days ago, and he should have called and warned Joey - then he would have known and he would have stopped her, and their beautiful, sweet, lively Lysia would still be here. His shoulder trembled a little before his head bowed and his eyes filled. (NT) -- Travis, 20:03:11 10/10/05 Mon

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• He pressed a kiss to her forehead, a low breath escaping his lips as he ran his hand down his face. Gently, he tucked her back into the bed, covering her up to the neck with her blankets and brushing her hair tenderly out of her eyes. He took a step towards Travis, trying to stem his tears as he ran his hand down his face. "I don't...I didn't know who else to call." He murmured, his voice slightly apolagetic, he didn't want to traumatize Travis by having him see his ex-girffriend dead but he really had been at a loss. He needed someone to help him through this, he couldn't do it himself and even though him and Travis didn't get along all the time, he was the only other one who cared about Lysia the way he did. (NT) -- Joey, 20:16:30 10/10/05 Mon

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• He cleared his throat softly and ran both hands over his face, rubbing his eyes hard and then stood up straight and turned slowly to face Joey, though his carefully avoided the girl in the bed. "It's okay... I understand.." He didn't blame the guy for calling him - who else did he have? - but just worried that he wouldn't have the answers that they needed. A hand moved to rest on Joey's shoulder, features stoic - his chest ached almost unbearably and all he wanted to do was curl up and cry for that poor girl, but he couldn't right now. Right now he had to help out this young man. "We need to figure this out..." (NT) -- Travis, 20:24:14 10/10/05 Mon

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• He nodded a touch, letting out a soft breath as he tried to gain control of himself. "Damnit, I was suppose to give her a better life and this is what happened..." He shook his head, feeling like he failed her somehow. "I can't even give her a proper funeral..." His voice cracked at that again, shaking his head. "I don't know how I am going to tell the girls..and Jason..." His twin had a bit of a relationship with Lysia before she had met Travis and was pretty attached to her. Joey stepped out into the hallway, nodding for Travis to follow him as he closed the door behind them - leaving Lysia alone in there broke his heart but he could tell Travis couldn't look at her. "I can't just leave her in there but its not like I can call someone to come here..." (NT) -- Joey, 20:34:51 10/10/05 Mon

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• "This isn't your fault..." He murmured gently, but firmly - to be sure that the guy knew that this couldn't have had anything to do with what Joey had tried to do for her. If anything, this was Travis' fault more than anything else. He had shut her out of his life. "She wouldn't have cared about a proper funeral... We'll do something for her." He promised softly, a trembling hand running slowly through his hair. "Can you take her to the hospital? Tell her that you found her somewhere, or didn't know her name or something?" There would be no doubt that this was a suicide after they ran some tests. Joey could probably get away with not even giving them his name. "I can drive you.. I just can't.. Do it... Myself." (NT) -- Travis, 20:53:36 10/10/05 Mon

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• He ran his hand over his mouth for a second, looking towards the closed door as he let out a soft breath. "Yeah...yeah we can do that...they'll probably just..cremate her, right? Thats what she would want.." He let out a slow breath before he bit his lip and cleared his throat. "Come on, lets get going before everyone gets home..it's going to be hard enough without everyone watching our every move." He squeezed the other man's shoulder, watching him. "Going to be ok to drive?" He was calmed down a touch for right now because he didn't see her anymore and it didn't seem as real... (NT) -- Joey, 21:00:29 10/10/05 Mon

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• He dug his keys out of his pocket and nodded shakily, one hand pushing through his hair. A numbness had taken over though - they had to get this done, and then the mourning would ensue. "The van - not my car - is unlocked... Maybe bring the blanket? Can you carry her? I need to grab a drink..." He just needed to calm his nerves a little. He wouldn't be able to drive too steadily the way that his hands were tremoring. It would help a little bit, for the time being, he was sure of it. (NT) -- Trav, 21:09:02 10/10/05 Mon

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• He nodded, letting the man have some time alone as he went into the bedroom. He shifter to look at Lysia before he let out a slow breath. She was in her pajama's, she wouldn't want that - for the last time for anyone to see her would be in her pajama's would just not go over well. He went to the closet, finding her favorite pair of jeans and a black tank top, changing her clothes quickly and then picking her up in the blanket, carrying her downstairs and into the van and settling in the back with her. Travis would know he was out here and come out when he could. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he looked down at the girl in his arms - at least she finally looked at peace. (NT) -- Joey, 21:21:41 10/10/05 Mon

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• He didn't take too long because he knew that the longer that he stopped, the harder it would be to get going again - so he rummaged around the kitchen until he found some cheap scotch that would do the trick. Pouring himself about a double, he downed that quickly before hurrying outside to join Joey. He just wanted to get this over with. It all seemed so surreal, that as he started up the engine of the van, he wondered if maybe he was dreaming. Perhaps none of this had actually happened. He would wake up in a few hours, and the ill Lysia would still be lying next to him - waiting for his doctor friend to come and fix her. (NT) -- Trav, 21:27:31 10/10/05 Mon

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• They got to the hospital quickly enough and he took her in. In about twenty minutes he came back out, jumping into the van and clearing his throat. "Lets go." He waited until they were on the road before he looked back for a second, his head hitting the head rest. "I can't believe I just left her there..." He had just handed her over to strangers, denied that he knew her and left her behind. His hand ran over his face again, exhaling slowly as he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry...that you got dragged into all of this." Travis didn't even know what 'this' was. The whole situation with the kids but it wasn't his responsibility. (NT) -- Joey, 21:30:51 10/10/05 Mon

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• He didn't speed away, but he left with a purpose - that was to get out of there and far away. Both hands on the steering wheel, he shook his head firmly, and had to clear his throat softly before speaking again - features tight with the strain of keeping so much emotion buried within. "Please don't apologize to me, Joey... I came in and fucked everything up. I'm so sorry..." He didn't know what the deal was with these kids, but he knew that they all loved each other so much, and that was enough for him not to care to ask questions. They had nothing to explain to him. "I'm so sorry." (NT) -- Travis, 21:39:16 10/10/05 Mon

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• I wonder who you'd be today... -- Joey, 21:49:17 10/10/05 Mon
  • He didn't look at Joey the whole time he was talking because as it was, he could hardly see the road through the mist coating his dark eyes. Breathing out a low, hoarse sigh, he shook his head again and slowed as he entered their neighborhood, blinking rapidly. "I still can't believe this... I could have done more..." He hadn't even given her a second chance. He didn't know what would have happened, but maybe things would be different if he hadn't sent her on her way. (NT) -- Trav, 21:53:06 10/10/05 Mon

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• He shook his head, looking forward as he saw some lights in the house. How was he going to break this to everyone? It was going to be so hard. He let out a low breath, tipping his head to the side. "You know, if you ever need someone to talk too..." He shrugged, motioning to the house. "Your always welcome here now." He had a feeling that Travis's perfect little world he had been living in was now dramatically shattered. It was going to be hard to view anything the same again. He swallowed a little bit, looking over to the other man with a question in his eyes. "You cared about her though, right?" He didn't want to go on thinking that she died alone without anyone focusing their attention on her. (NT) -- Joey, 22:00:12 10/10/05 Mon

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• He pulled up into the drive of the house and stopped, but didn't shut off the engine. Nodding his head slowly, he breathed out a soft breath. "I need to go right now... But I'll come back later - probably tonight, but maybe tomorrow. I want to help you guys out a bit if I can..." He murmured softly, but loudly enough that the other man could hear him. Right now though, he needed to be alone - he needed to break things, and scream, and cry, and let himself believe that this was all really happening. He had always had a good life, but he was an artistic genius - he drew on raw emotions for inspiration, which meant he was open up to the torture of real life and real tragedy. Regardless of how hard it was for him to let anyone in to his life, he had an extremely sensitive soul and was struggling to contain unbearable grief. To Joey's question about him actually caring about Lysia, he just nodded - the words stuck in his throat. (NT) -- Trav, 22:08:25 10/10/05 Mon

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• He nodded a little, hoping that his new friend would be alright but understanding that he needed to be alone with his emotions. Right now, he had to go break the news of the young girls death to everyone in the house. Swallowing heavily, he pushed open the door and took a deep breath. "Be careful, man." He stated before he slipped out of the van - heading towards the big house with down trodden steps. (NT) -- Joey, 22:13:37 10/10/05 Mon

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• "Take care, Joe... This isn't your fault - remember." He cleared his throat again and called after the young guy before he was gone. Then, he waited in the van until Joey was inside the house, and then slowly pulled away - driving carefully, and heading back to his apartment, breathing slowly and blinking quickly to keep his eyes clear. The last thing he needed was to get into an accident right now. He just needed to get home. His car could spend the night at the work office... (NT) -- Travis, 22:27:08 10/10/05 Mon