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Date Posted: 13:47:04 01/19/02 Sat
Author: Jewel
Subject: I'm going outta my mind here...

heh, never thought i would find something like this online... and i was thinking about writing to dear abby about this, but ill bounce it off of you guys to see what you think first :)

well, this all started when i was 16, i met this girl playing checkers in a yahoo game room...
she told me she was 16 and from michigan and that she just moved and so she was kinda stuck at home... lucky for me eh? :)

well, needless to say, we hit it off, only as friend though
a year later, i realized that nicole (thats her name) meant much more to me than anyone else ever had. We always spent like 2 hours talking each night, just random things, and life problems. I was 16, and i hadn't ever gone out on a date, and had never been kissed.... and nicole was my best friend in the world.

and for the first year, nicole was there for me, as a sounding board for my girl problems :)
but the summer after i graduated from highschool, things began getting serious for me. I realized that nicole knew me better than i probably knew myself, and it was the other way around too...
and so i started dropping hints, and one day i came out and told her that i think i liked her more than a friend..
silence...
and we didnt talk about it again for like a month

then one day
we're just chatting
and out it comes... although not as eloquent as i woulda liked, but nevertheless memorable, "i think i feel the same way you do."
those were her exact words
at first i knew exactly what she meant...
but it was the most random thing in the world, i wasnt sure if thats what she really said...

but the story goes on, for the next 2 years (im 19 now) our relationship blossomed. we started sending pictures to each other, we spent weekends calling each other (thank god for calling cards) and eveyrthing was all planned out
while i attended ucsd, she was attending a community collegem, and she was gonna transfer in 2 years to be with me...

well my first year ended, and summer came, and i was in for the shock of my life

for some odd reason, nicoles computer wouldnt let her online for like 30 days
and so the only way we could talk was thru emails or snail mail, and even these were few and far between. and then one day, i recieve a letter, and at the bottom it says, the next time i call you ive gotta tell you something... make me tell you or else ill chicken out

could you imagine how terrified i was?
was she dying?
was she moving?
or worse...
was she leaving me...

so that weekend i called her
and she told me her secret that she had kept for 2 years...
lol

she told me she was only 16 :P

crazy huh?
but believe me... she was the most mature 14 year old that ive ever talked to ;)

things were rocky for a couple of weeks, but i needed nicole, and so everything turned out ok

ive always been the type to plan things out carefully, and so i started planning again
ideally i was hoping that next year, when she would be a senior in hs, she would choose ucsd and come to join me :)

but that doesnt look like its gonna happen... =/
we're on our 3rd year of talking now, and we've never met or anything
and it seems as if im self destructing on our relationship

everythings dreadufuly boring between us
we talk for like an hour each night
and its always the same thing
theres just no spark anymore...

everythings going well for her in michigan, while im here, 19, and ive still never had a real girlfriend.. and still never been kissed :(

ive tried 3 times to just take things down a notch to the friendly level, but each time i end up coming back to her, or she comes back to me :(

it seems to ME that we're perfect for each other... but she's so indecisive
she doesnt know waht she wants with her future, and where she wants to go

and the only thing i know is that i want her...
but it seems like ive tried so hard and its all to no avail

so my questions are this
1) how do i spice up our relationship
2) how do i get her to ucsd
3) even though she says she likes me, ive still got doubts because, to tell you the truth, im the most insecure guy in the world
4) should i tell her i love her? will it change things between us?
5) she's coming to sanfrancisco for spring break, 8 hours away, but she doesnt want me to visit cause it would be awkward explaining to her sis... what do you think i should do?


it seems as if my times limited

the way i see it, i have 1 year till nicole picks her college and graduates, walking out on me possibly, and im scared :(

ive never had any luck with girls, and ive never felt so strongly towards someone...
and i just dont knwo what to do :(
please post your advice, ill reply with more info if you need :)

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