Subject:  I know he's innocent til proven guilty, but he does look like one! |
Author:
NWAS
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Date Posted: 20:15:47 01/29/03 Wed
I know some are repeated, but some are quality!!!
Matthew Kelly was on a ship with 100 boy scouts and 100 girl guides when
it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced "We're sinking!
Everyone abandon ship!"
> Matthew Kelly asked, "What about the children?"
> The captain replied, "fcuk the children!"
> Matthew Kelly looked around eagerly and said "Do we have time?"
>
> What's the difference between greyhound racing and Matthew Kelly?
> The greyhounds wait for the hare.
>
> What is the worst thing about being Matthew Kelly?
> You have to go to bed before 7.00
>
> How do you know when it is bedtime at the Kelly residence?
> When the big hand touches the small hand
>
> Have you heard about Matthew Kelly's New Book?
> It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing
>
> A young boy and Matthew Kelly are out at night, walking towards the
forest.
> The boy says, "It's dark! I don't like it! I'm scared!"
> Matthew Kelly says, "You're scared! I've got to walk back out of here on
my own!"
>
>
> Matthew Kelly is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on his
laptop.
> All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his wife storms
through.
> She screams, "You fcuking @sshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, Matthew flips off the computer and walks toward the bedroom,
wondering, "Now what have I done?"
> Inside the bedroom he finds the missus furiously packing a suitcase. He
asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I
should leave you, and that you're a paedophile!"
> Matthew responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for an 8 year old."
>
> Have you heard? Matthew Kelly has pulled out of Children In Need...
>
> What's the difference between Matthew Kelly and acne?
> Acne doesn't come on your face until you're thirteen.
>
>
> Matthew Kelly is off to Florida on holiday this year
> He's going to Tampa with the kids.
>
>
> What was Matthew Kellys defence in court.
> He was only kidding.
>
>
> Matthew Kelly and his wife are in Blockbuster to hire a video for the
evening. Mr. Kelly's missus asks him what he wants to watch. He says "How
about we get Aladdin ?". His girlfriend says........
> "Can't we just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."
>
>
> Apparently Matthew Kelly thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.
>
>
> The similarity between Matthew Kelly, Gary Glitter and whisky?
> They both come in small tots.
>
>
> What do you do if Matthew Kelly is drowning?
> Throw him a buoy!
>
>
> Why was Matthew Kelly spotted at Marks & Sparks?
> He heard boys pants were half-off!
>
>
> What did the lady say to Matthew Kelly at the beach?
> "Excuse me, you're in my son"
>
>
> Matthew Kellys Lawyer is talking to him in the cells at the Old Bailey
just after he has been found guilty on 26 charges of paedophilia.
> "Alright. You got 4 months but look on the bright side. You'll be out in
time for half term"
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