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LIVING THE DREAM

Losing the toss and missing doubles since 1998

A message board of distinction for the Egerton Arms Darts Club B-Troop and Chester City ISA FC

and the debauched proletariat thereof


Return to www.chestercityisafc.co.uk
Subject: Arf!


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:45:04 01/04/06 Wed
Gary Glitter is to be the new Doctor Who. He will
have two female companions, K-9 and Shelley - 12.
Subject: Eight Rights Website


Author:
Greeny
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:57:55 01/03/06 Tue
If anybody is interested we've set up an Eight Rights Rangers website. It's fairly basic and still only partially complete but please feel free to drop by and have a look.

It's at <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.soccerweekend.com/eightrights">http://www.soccerweekend.com/eightrights</a> - one of the Bromfield lads also updates the Section C results, fixtures and table every week at <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.soccerweekend.com/division/index.asp?DivisionID=1906">http://www.soccerweekend.com/division/index.asp?DivisionID=1906</a>

Nice to see the rivalry between the ISA and Werburgh's boiling over - should make for an interesting game on the 15th! We've got a free week that day so we'll pop down and soak up the atmosphere.
Subject: Great win


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:08:22 12/18/05 Sun
Proper win today, against real contenders. Second half we were superb, Matty George two stunning finishes mate. Have a good Christmas all, and remember that we are second in the League, and for the first time, still in the Cup at Christmas.
Replies:
Subject: Cold


Author:
Wiggy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:28:25 12/28/05 Wed
Spare a thought for Mr Coleman the temperature was minus 4 last night, crikey his head must be cold in these conditions.
Subject: WXM TICKETS


Author:
TIZZA
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:57:45 12/21/05 Wed
DO ANY OF YOU LADS KNOW OF ANYONE WHO HAS GOT A SPARE WXM TICKET. JUST MISSED OUT ON GETTING MINE, IF SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP. THANKS TIZZA (HIGHFIELD FC)
Replies:
Subject: Gag


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:23:40 12/17/05 Sat
Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met by
St Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this holy season," says Saint Peter,
"You must each possess something that symbolises
Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man goes through his pockets and
pulls out a lighter, flicks it on,
saying, "It represents a candle."
"You may pass through the pearly gates,"
says St Peter.

The second man pulls out a set of keys, shakes
them and says, "They're bells."
St Peter lets him pass.

The third man looks desperate and finally pulls
a g-string from his pocket. St. Peter looks
quizzical and asks, "Just how do those
symbolise Christmas?"

The man replies, "They're Carols."
Subject: George Best


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:26:56 12/15/05 Thu
The Police have now admitted that George Best was not really buried in Belfast. They have also admitted that having him cremated in Hemel Hempstead on Sunday morning was a mistake.
Subject: Ric Flair Surrenders, Talks About Arrest


Author:
Russell Harty
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:36:26 11/30/05 Wed


POSTED: 7:25 pm EST November 29, 2005

Pro wrestling legend Ric Flair was booked by police in Charlotte, N.C., on Tuesday after turning himself in on road-rage charges.

Flair, known in the wrestling world as "Nature Boy", faces misdemeanor charges of simple assault and injury to personal property.

A driver alleged that Flair assaulted him on a highway median last Wednesday night.

According to the complaint, Flair grabbed the man by the neck and threatened him.

The complaint also says Flair kicked the man's SUV.

Flair and his attorney say he is not guilty and will fight the charges.

"Ninety-five percent it's great being Ric Flair, five percent it's not," said the 56-year-old wrestler. "But the people here in Charlotte in that system right here treated me like a million bucks."

Flair and his lawyer also denied there was a road-rage incident.

KEEP IT TOGETHER G-MAN. BIG RIC WONT GET BUMMED IN THE NICK.
Replies:
Subject: Eye candy


Author:
Sexy lady
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:22:23 11/28/05 Mon
Where's the balding stocky left back gone ?? he's well sexy its just not the same without him and his sexy well toned body. If you're reading this here's a bug kiss from me XXXXXX come back soon
Replies:
  • Re: Eye candy -- Jimmy Corkhill off Brookie, 13:38:08 11/30/05 Wed
Subject: strenght from the rear


Author:
edwin starr (van)
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:31:03 11/27/05 Sun
Thought your keeper was spot on today; commanding, powerful decisve, think graavvvy is in trouble when he comes home from abroad.
Replies:
Subject: NASA problems


Author:
Buzz Aldridge
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:55:29 11/23/05 Wed
REPORT DATED 19-11-05 0300hrs BRUSSELS BELGIUM

Sighting of 2 unreported massive shiny globes outside a seedy strip club in the Belgian capital. Eyewitnesses state that the globes were attached to bodies, one hairy, one tubby, and that there were no fringes evident on either. The tubby body seemed to be emitting gases, whilst the other one only had piss stained boxer shorts on. Due to their radiance, the globes could be seen from the Mia space station. The investigation continues.
Subject: Condolences to Rennie


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:04:39 11/15/05 Tue
I think we should all take a moment to reflect at this difficult time following the recent tragic loss of Eddie 'Latino Heat' Guerrero. Rennie, I know it must feel like the whole world's caved in right now, but hang in there wee man, the pain will ease with time.

Farewell champ - we hardly knew ye!
Replies:
Subject: Good gag


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:56:42 11/13/05 Sun
A bloke goes to the doctors sits down and says to the doc

'I I I I'm s s s sick of of this st sts st stutter d d doc, can you do do anything t t to he he help'

'Let me see says the doctor, could you drop your pants and show me your penis'

'O o ok' says the fella, dropping his keks to reveal a quite gargantuan hampton.

'Thats the problem' says the doc 'recent research has found a direct link between stuttering and huge penises'

'O O O h n no' says the fella 'w w what c c an you d do about th that'

'Well we could take you in for a radical new treatment, a new department has just opened at the local hospiral that deals with penis reductions and enlargements, whaat they take off yours will be used to aid someone less fortunate'

'R r right I'll g g go f for th that' says the fella.

So off the fella goes the appointment is duly made and the operation is a complete success, however a few weeks later he's back at the doctors.

'Look I dont want to sound ungrateful doc, my stutter has completely gone, but the wifes going mad cos I just can't satisfy her in bed any more, is there any chance of reversing the operation'













'N N n no f f fucking ch ch chance m m m mate' says the doc.
Replies:
Subject: sniff the balti


Author:
a.h.
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:08:48 11/13/05 Sun
why is it when you had a balti the night befor you fart the next day and the smell makes you feel like ripping into another one.or am i sick?
Replies:
Subject: Paul Brighton


Author:
Goodhew
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:38:05 11/06/05 Sun
Why does Brighty cut holes in the front pockets of his trousers???

So he can run his fingers through his hair!!!

Brighty was recently heard confessing to wife Emma that he is BALD "My hair has gone through three stages" he said "side parted,centre parted and now DE-PARTED"

It is said that if a man has no fringe he is a thinker and if he has an egg in the nest then he is a lover but if man has no fringe and an egg in the nest like Brighty then he just thinks hes a lover
Replies:
Subject: Game Off


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:25:50 11/06/05 Sun
Waterlogged pitch! Waterlogged pitch for god's sake! You youngsters don't know you're born. Little bit of drizzle and the game gets called off.

In my day we would have played no matter how wet the pitch was. For at least half an hour until I got injured...
Subject: russ


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:29:21 11/05/05 Sat
thought i'd my two penneth, the amont of time this fella spends on the pc means only one thing........one fat balding toss pot who couldn't run to his fridge! not worth bothering wit!
Subject: Russ


Author:
Goodhew
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:15:48 11/04/05 Fri
I was going to come on and start ranting about how much of fucking bollock this russ is but ive decided against telling eveyone what an absolute cunt this inbread is cos we can all see that for ourselves So mr Russ just fuck off and fuck your mum your auntie and your sister, shouldnt take long what with them being all the same person you fucking nob jockey
Replies:
  • Re: Russ -- russ, 18:15:43 11/04/05 Fri
  • Re: Russ -- a.h., 22:17:37 11/04/05 Fri
    • Re: Russ -- OS Dog, 09:41:22 11/05/05 Sat
Subject: Great result


Author:
Russ
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:24:06 10/29/05 Sat
Alrite nobbers did you enjoy the game today? Ha Ha you can kiss my big rosie red arse. Told you that your just a small shit town!! you'll be fighting to stay up by christmas!!
Replies:
Subject: WICH TEAM DOE'S THE FAG RUSS FOLLOW?


Author:
A.H.
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:08:51 11/01/05 Tue
AW COME ON RUSS DO TELL WHO YOU FOLLOW. I'LL NOT LAUGH GIVE YOU MY WORD .
Subject: Chester is shit


Author:
Russ
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:00:40 10/26/05 Wed
How many will you take to shewsbury then nobbers? 300?

Gobshite chester shitty, always runnin
Replies:
Subject: Bache away


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:50:12 10/23/05 Sun
Great result today lads, superb first half, quiet second, but nice and solid. Well done all round. Except Bryan. He is bald.
Subject: 5/10 But Macca will probably chuckle...


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:00:18 10/21/05 Fri
octopus joke

guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world.


He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50.



Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye no play it then?"



The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to f*** it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."
Subject: Re: City doesn't deserve League team


Author:
TOMMY H
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:41:55 10/21/05 Fri
the crowds are only so low because we have the likes of Liverpool,Everton and Man Utd close by, if yor a goat or Shrew
whats your excuse theres no big clubs near you so fuck off and shut the fuck up
Subject: An ode to a left back (on the bench)


Author:
The ISA Poet LorryEt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:58:10 10/18/05 Tue
Humpty Dumpty had no hair
He pretended he didn't care
All the Kings Horses and all the kings men
Couldn't get his fringe to grow again.

Humpty Dumpty played in defence
He very seldom sat on the fence
All the Bache players had a dig
And told poor Humpty to get a wig.

Humpty Dumpty went in goal
He wasn't happy playing this role
One of the scousers was a keeper alas
But he played midfield and just didn't pass

Humpty Dumpty made a great save
But as the ball hit a bobble Humpty gave it a wave
It went right past him and into the net
The lads lost the match due to the stupid bald get.
Subject: Dude where's my hair?


Author:
Syrup Afig ( Representative of John Freda)
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:21:45 10/17/05 Mon
My company has reason to believe that an experiment is taking place within your football club. We have been investigating this for some time and now have photographic evidence of your "Home Grown" operation. Using a member of your squad to grow hair for those less fortunate, could be a real breakthrough in the football world we live in today. There can be no denying that this is taking place, as i said earlier we have a close up of the Guinea Pig, Management Team and a Bald Left Back doing a deal involving an Aldi Bag, and some 20 pound notes.
The thing is we want in......The feeler's have already been put out to a few player's including Danny Mills and Sol Campbell who are both interested. If you do not comply then i must warn you, we may be gay but know how to get tooled up and soon you could be left with nothing but a bald winger.........!!!!!!!
I await your reply with interest.
Replies:
Subject: A fucking good account....


Author:
Oochieminger
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:32:29 10/16/05 Sun
Class.... Fucking class. You may not believe it but i'm describing the ISA's performance this morning. Many thought this could well have been a 'ten niller' but the revamped blue and white striped men were clearly out there with a point to prove. Elements of such greatness appeared in their encounter with the eight rights seven days earlier but today was different, today wasn't about a giant killing, it was about taking that giant, pinning him in a corner, and removing his spleen with a spoon (and then kicking him in the bollocks for good measure.
1-0 down and less than half of the ISA had even touched the ball! those that had turned up to watch the drumming were hopeful... but the something strange happened... the ISA rolled over and died? i hear you ask. Oh no, quite the opposite, what followed could well be one of the greatest displays the ISA faithful have ever whitnessed. The home side got stuck right in, Nick set the standard from the front and an increasingly confident remainder followed suit. One all to three one down brighty's boys refused to give up and before they knew it things were all even again!
In the end the saints got what they came for but you could see from their reaction afterwards that the ISA had gained a lot of respect today.
Now is the time to keep this going, there will be no easy game. If your finding a game easy - your not doing enough fucking work!That is how we play. Whether its the Bache or saltney ferry, everyone has a job to do. If we keep this up who knows? What i do know is that it's a lot more enjoyable these days and sometimes winning respect is even better than winning matches.
Well done to everyone today, both new and old.
Oochie xxx
Living the dream baby... living the fuckin' dream!
Subject: Early bird gets the worm


Author:
Limp and Baldy plumbers
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:49:07 10/14/05 Fri
Working on Mark Howells bathroom has been one of those jobs where everything goes wrong but its been fun all the same. It was supposed to be a quick 2 day job however due to various problems it became a little longer. After two days of moaning macca's constent winging about us turning up late we decided to arrive a little early on Thursday morning, after banging on the door for 2minutes we thought mark must busy so we just entered going straight upstairs to the bathroom to get the job done we heard noises coming from Mr Howells loveshack,realising he had a different view point on how to get the job done we interupted by calling his name all went quiet and after a minute or two the lovely but red faced Mrs Howell emerged from the bedroom followed by an embarssed mark, I dont think he was too pleased to us but he did look pleased to see us either that or he had a gun in his pocket, what ever it was it was loaded, mi me mi mi me i was just getting dressed he said trying to disguise his weapon. It is yet to be confirmed what they were up to but it sounded like channel XXX after midnight. That day the early bird got the worm but we were the only ones to get the job done, we wont be returning in hurry and next time we will call before we go.
Subject: Bang out of order


Author:
Bobby's combover
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 11:30:31 10/10/05 Mon
I don't know lads, that Sinead O'Connor lookalike who picked the team yesterday lost us the game. He's got more hair follicles than he's got sense. Putting left footed genius Bryan "Humpty Dumpty" Coleman in goal was wrong, especially when one of the 'aaaahhh ey divvy lar' lads is a keeper.

And he dropped the other bald legend, Earl John "The Man with the Golden Gun" Hocking of Upton-cestershire. That man can do things with a football that would make your hair stand on end. If you have got any, maybe that's why he was dropped?

We must be told. The truth will out when Ravi Shankar is back from the homelands.
Subject: Gag


Author:
NWAS (with special thanks to Big Mick)
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 11:48:49 10/03/05 Mon
A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do.

Little Mary went first, "My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives."

"That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?"

"My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail," says Jane.

"Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?"

"My daddy is dead", says Johnny

"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny," said the teacher, "what did he do before he died?"

"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
Subject: No news


Author:
Alan Hanson
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:11:48 09/30/05 Fri
Come on lads post some news about the footie not been on for some time and by the looks of it not missed much i thank you.
Replies:
Subject: City doesn't deserve League team


Author:
Russ
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:39:24 09/26/05 Mon
Lawrenson was right; Chester is not a football town. Despite the best efforts of Mr Vaughan, the manager, the players and yourselves, you can't manage a crowd of 4000+ when you are 4th in the division AND playing good football. Make way for a town that deserves a League team!!!!!
Replies:
Subject: hihgfield fc


Author:
king george iv
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:19:35 09/27/05 Tue
just to let you lads know that we have are own place now and thats (www.thehighfieldfc.co.uk cheers
Subject: Hockin's the daddy


Author:
Butler
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:40:47 09/25/05 Sun
The latest romour to come out of the Hockin estate is that the soon to be lady laura hockin is expecting there fist child. Only last thursday hockin was at the main estate in hawrden babysitting, we were led to believe that he was just doing a good turn but its now been anounced that the fairytale wedding due to take place in june has been brought forward to jan.Both the lord and the lady come from religous families and not wanting to have a child out of wedlock they decided to bring the big day forward. We dont when the baby is due and the celebrity couple are yet to comment,more details to follow
Subject: Update


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:00:18 09/15/05 Thu
Just a reminder lads

No Training this week.

Next game - Sunday 25th Sept away against Tarpoley.

Meet at the car park of the Stamford Bridge pub on the road towards Tarvin. 10.15 at the latest.

Please let me know if you can't play
Replies:
Subject: Cheers


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:11:18 09/04/05 Sun
Just a quick one to say cheers for the turnout yesterday lads.

General concensus is that is was not too bad a way to spend a Saturday night, and me and Vic had a great one so thanks for coming along and saving me from having to spend the night with my family!!

Some great memories, particular highlights being MAcca winning 30 grand on roulette which I then doubled on blackjack and Ditch with my grans hat. Lovely.

Will try and get on the interweb when we are away and continue the lashing. Special apologies to the captain for the choice of venue which would have been bad enough had it not been for the Orang Utan badges. Sorry mate - had no idea. The monkey shaped cakes were Vic's idea as well...

You are a top bunch of lads and yesterday would not have been as much fun as it was without you. Nice one.
Replies:
Subject: Yesterday's game


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:21:27 09/05/05 Mon
Just a quick shout to say well done to the lads who played yesterday. Great performance, particularly in view of the 2 hour journey by car and then 20 minute walk to the pitch that preceded it. The temperature on the pitch was estimated at approximately 120 degrees and there was no water in the second half. Truly a triumph over adversity if ever there was.

Special mention to "Big Chris" who is already being touted as the new Robbie Wellins after having to be substituted suffering from a 'sprained head with associated blindness'.

Special mention also goes to Lightbeer who managed to play out one of his final games in decent society with some style. The electronic tag didn't faze him one bit.

I would also like to take the opportunity to state what an inconsiderate twat the aforementioned Mr Wellins is for having a wedding the night before a game! Football is no way to shift a bad head I tells ya!

Seriously though, a very good performance in all areas with loads of talking, plenty of fight and no little quality either. Play our cards right and this could be a good season.

Howay the lads and all that...
Replies:
Subject: frozen beer no-more!


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:50:31 09/01/05 Thu
Important news! After mistakenly (crimally!) leaving two bottles of Bud in the freezer, my bird pointed out after a closer inspection that they were "not frozen!" after berating the cruelty of her comments, wiping the stinging tears from my eyes I examined the bottles fearing the worst. low and behold the septics have actually come up with something useful, the beer had indeed remained perfectly ice cold! One is sitting half drunk in front of me as i type!!! Hoooooorrrrrahhhhhhhhh!!!!
Replies:
Subject: Sunday


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:14:12 09/01/05 Thu
**PLEASE NOTE**

Sunday's Friendly against Bromfield Arms

will now be played at the Corus Club in Queensferry (just down the road from the Amantola) kick off 11.00am

Can we all please meet at 10.15am at Blacon High School and we will travel down together.

This is due to apparently only one goalpost being up on Hoole Park!! could have played world cup singles I suppose!!

Cheers

Brighty
Subject: The Manager


Author:
Bding
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:43:33 08/28/05 Sun
I like thank the manager very much please for putting the addvert at the top of this page i hope the players will be as generous as the manager in helping his people many thanks please
Replies:
Subject: Tuesday


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:16:29 08/29/05 Mon
Apologies for the recent friendly fixture confusion surrounding the 8 Rights game. Sunday's game was cancelled because as of Friday we only had 9 lads available for selection due to holidays etc.

The game was then re-arranged for this Tuesday night however due to some of the 8 rights players playing for their Saturday teams the game has been cancelled again.

The next game is against the Bromfield - venue will be confirmed on here as soon as we know. This Sunday 11.00 kick off meet for 10.30.

Sorry for confusion guys....a text will be sent to all.

Brighty
Replies:
Subject: Funny as fuck *MUST BE READ BY ALL PLAYERS*


Author:
Hindu Times Square
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:06:54 08/29/05 Mon
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://devachat.ibforums.com/index.php?showtopic=23182">http://devachat.ibforums.com/index.php?showtopic=23182</a>

Fuckin Hell! Someone give Ditch and Brighty a pint of what this cunt is on!!!

"I demand more professionalism!"

Imagine him telling Coleman and Alman that?!
Subject: MARRIAGE SEMINAR


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:52:12 08/24/05 Wed


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each
other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?
Subject: Training. Fixtures. Website. Meaning of Life.


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:41:13 08/22/05 Mon
Training was very good. Great turnout, some really good new lads, and a couple missing as well. Quality.

The new fixtures are out, and can be found on the updated ISA website.

The ISA website is www.chestercityisafc.co.uk

The mistake most people make about finding the meaning of life is searching for the answer instead of living it.
Subject: Training


Author:
Ditchy
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:58:49 08/18/05 Thu
Training as per usual Sunday as the friendly has not been arranged for this week. Lets have a decent turnout like last week, which was probably the best session we've had for a while. Cheers and see you sunday.
Replies:
Subject: The Friendlies


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:26:55 08/18/05 Thu
Thursday 25th August - MBNA (a) 6.30pm Kick off. All meet 5.45pm in the car park of the Holiday Inn (Old Posthouse) on Wrexham Road.

Sunday 28th August - Eight Rights (a)(Blacon High School) 11.00am Kick off. Meet 10.30am at Blacon High School.

Please let either Ditch or myself know whether you are available or not.

League Season kicks off Sunday 4th September, fixtures expected out in next week.

Brighty
Subject: Sunday Training


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:20:16 08/10/05 Wed
Training this Sunday 10.30am at Sandy Lane, Saltney. The seasons fast approaching so ideally we need to get as many down as possible this week. Pass this on to any lads who you know are interested in signing and get them to come down. I also need to get the signing on forms done.

Friendlies -

Thursday 25th August - kick off 6.30pm MBNA (a) at Field of Dreams.

Brighty

Sunday 28th August - kick off 11.00am Eight Rights (a) VENUE YET TO BE CONFIRMED.

also a friendly in the pipeline against Kings Head Broughton.
Replies:
Subject: Friendly


Author:
a fan
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:13:57 07/31/05 Sun
I`ve heard on the grape vine that the manager has arranged a friendly with Pakistan 11 due to his contacts with ethnic groups if this is true could you please give me the details thanx. Just one question `who would the manager play for??'
Replies:
Subject: classic


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:39:07 08/04/05 Thu
Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the p*ss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside a bus depot.

Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police"

Mick duly breaks into the depot and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he is doing.

Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus looking very worried.

"What in all hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!"

To which Mick replies " I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy"

Whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts " You fucking idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"
Subject: Complaint


Author:
Mr Ashitt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:05:31 07/24/05 Sun
I am a chester fan so i decided to look at your website and must stress my disgust in its content i am from an ethnic back ground and it disgusts and deeply offends me in the way you talk about my people and your manager how can you joke about my race i am very proud of my roots and so should you mr ditchfield also i must bring up the point of the rudeness you aim at other team mates you shouldnt ridicule someone for lack of hair baldness isnt a desease this behaviour and attitude must stop... WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO WE'RE PEOPLE NOT LEPERS
Replies:
Subject: New Player


Author:
Ahmed
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:20:14 07/16/05 Sat
Hi i have recently moved to this area and ive been looking for a team to play for but have struggled as there isnt many palistani teams in cheshire but thank jehad ive heard your manager is one of my people! i can bend it like beckham and i play in many positions except defence as i get a bit suicidal can you give me directions to your training ground so i can come for a trial Many thak yous please Ahmed Fieldditch
Replies:
Subject: Geography lesson for you all...


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:11:27 07/11/05 Mon
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe. Ruled by a dick.
Subject: Photo Compo


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:53:58 07/07/05 Thu
I'm sure it is just a trick of the light, but in the guess the naked fullback competition, the front of the gentleman's pants seem to be wet.

Can you please confirm whether this is indeed the case and perhaps suggest to the subject of the photo that he does less stretching during his yoga classes. Intermediate indeed....

Has Ditch been down in London today?
Replies:
Subject: Bryan's mortgage?


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:42:43 06/30/05 Thu
Did it go through in the end?

Tears of joy they were.

Cold dish. Beautiful.

Watch yr back stani.
Subject: joke


Author:
highfield-reject
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:28:18 06/22/05 Wed
HOW DID STEVIE WONDER LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO-------(BY LOOKING FOR HIS FAGS ON THE MANTLEPIECE)
Replies:
  • Quality! -- NWAS, 18:32:19 06/23/05 Thu
Subject: The gaffers handicap?!


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:30:52 06/23/05 Thu
Serious questions are starting to be asked about the Gaffer claiming a 21 handicap, when some of us are definite 24'ers (Your scribe, Jonny Owngoal, Baldy Fireman etc)???

When your scoring 33 points at Delamere your a fucking bandit son.
Subject: El Capitano


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 11:28:46 06/11/05 Sat
Is Oly back today or has he got to stay in quarantine for a bit?
Replies:
Subject: joke


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 07:54:35 06/08/05 Wed
Q : How do you spot a jewish paedophile?

A : He's the one that says " Take it easy on the sweets son!"
Subject: A tale of morality...


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:53:07 06/01/05 Wed
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is :
Always keep your condoms in your car!
Replies:
Subject: phew what a stink!


Author:
Muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:23:26 05/27/05 Fri
Bloody hell dichys rellies don't half stink! I'm really gonna have to stop saying "Cheers Bud"
Replies:
Subject: saw bottoms


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:49:13 05/25/05 Wed
Dont know about "king of the swingers" more like king of the ring stingers!
Subject: Is That It?


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:24:31 04/25/05 Mon
Another season over and the cruel hand of time moves on. All we have to look forward to for the summer is going to the pub that little bit earlier on a Sunday. And the girls starting to wear less of course. Put the two together and it doesn't seem so bad...

Just wanted to say that it has been an absolute pleasure to play football with such a sound bunch of lads for the past few years.

As I leave my boots to fester in my bag for the final time, I thought I would draw up a list of some highlights...

Funniest moment;
1. Maka puking after Ditch wiped something he found in his arse under his nose
2. Maka puking as he arrives as Wezzy park before the game.
3. The Ditchfield/Coleman dream team in Blackpool, even though I was safely behind a bedroom door for most of it.

Far too many to list them all tho....

Favourite injury;
1. Knee cartlidge at the Deva. (Only i could ruck my knee on a pitch that flat)
2. Concussion at Tattenhall. (Headed in the back of the head which had just settled down when I completely mistimed a header and got the ball right on the top of my head which set it off again.
3. Getting Paintered (Being run into at full pelt by Steve. Glad he is usually on my side)

Definately way too many to list them all....

Thanks again lads. Will certainly see the Bromfield drinking school very soon but will see the rest of you at the end of season do. Drambuie anyone?
Replies:
Subject: Full Brucey


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:27:07 05/01/05 Sun
Woke up this morning with "a head like a Frenchman has been living in it" (copyright Muzmacol 2005) and breath to match, cleaned me teeth, went downstairs to beat the kids and saw a suspect carrier bag staring me out in the kitchen. On closer inspection my heart leapt the dance of a thousand joyous doggy bags. It was enough Chicken Chili Balti for my tea tonight. Nice it is, too!

Fair play TBG, you took it like a man. Quality day for a quality fella. Went a bit furry following down in ones on the Long Island Iced Teas in Walkabout. After that (about 5pm...) memories of Moet, Lapdancers whipping the stag, Dancing with Mrs Shrek in some dungeon of a bar and the ubiquitous nut booting contest all blur into one.

Your on our side now TBG, you've done your time. Sit back now mate and wait for all those yet to serve penance, and plot your revenge as a dish best served cold. All those bastards have still got it to come...

<i>"I've never been as scared as I was when Burkey lunged at my groin with a Bic..." Paul 'TBG' Brighton. April 2005.</i>
Subject: Hmmpppf


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:19:02 04/18/05 Mon
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to
the barman, "I want you to call me David Hoff".

The barman replies "Sure thing Dave... no hassle."
Subject: Chester City FC Sponsorship - Cancelled


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:21:33 04/07/05 Thu
In a Ronseal type stylee, this message does exactly what it says on the tin.

Yes folks, in light of the number of you who can't make the proposed sponsorship 'do', I've decided that it will be more prudent to rearrange for next season. Obviously there'll be no details on this until the fixtures are out, but I propose sorting something early next season, maybe August/September time. Hopefully against Wrexham!

Apologise to the lads who had their names down, but I think we're all agreed that it will be a better do with more numbers there. And that way it's less likely that Bry will be regailing us with tales of true heroism...

See you all on Sunday. I'm at a stag do on Saturday night so apologise in advance if I turn up looking like Dave Ellis!

Up the Blues and all that...
Replies:
Subject: Chester City FC Sponsorship


Author:
Morally Bankrupt (Jon Hocking)
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:30:11 03/30/05 Wed
Seeing as I've been, what the gaffer would doubtless dub "A full Jonny No-Show" of late, I can't remember who has been told about the ISA day out at the Deva!

Anyway, for those who don't know, we (ISA FC) are doing the programme sponsorship for Chester's game against Bristol Rovers on Saturday 16th April 2005. As I've mentioned, this won't be a particularly cheap one, but it promises to be a superb day out.

The basic price for sponsorship and a 3 course meal for 4 is £250. Additional tickets (including meal) are available for about £50. What we'll do is pool the total amount together and split it equally. This price includes a seat in the main stand, programme (I should bloody well think so...) and, of course, a wander out on the hallowed turf to receive abuse from any friends/family in the crowd prior to kick off.

Unfortunately, I'm away this weekend so won't see you all on Sunday. I will be at the remaining games thereafter though, so I'll take definite numbers then.

Obviously, the club will need notice so please let me know ASAP if you're interested. As stated, it's not the cheapest day out, but I've had quite a bit of interest from a few of you, and I reckon it could be a memorable one.

Foot note

This trip has been fully approved by our democratically elected Social Secretary, Station Officer B Coleman, who cannot be with us at the moment, as he is away at Boot Camp. He should be back soon though to regale us all with tales of true heroism in the field of bleep tests, shoe cleaning and playing pool. God bless you young man...
Replies:
Subject: Gag


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:52:11 04/02/05 Sat
Michael Schiavo goes out for dinner after
a day at his wife's bedside and orders a steak.
"Very good sir", says the waiter, "and for
the vegetable?" "Oh", replies Michael,
"she's not hungry."
Subject: Website updated


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:04:03 03/28/05 Mon
Website updated. Fixture to end of season etc.
Subject: Another good one


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:38:17 03/23/05 Wed
A teenage girl returned home from school and asked her mother,"Is it true that babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

The mother replied, "Yes, dear."

The daughter said,"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock out all my teeth?"
Subject: Quality


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:36:17 03/23/05 Wed
A couple visted a sex therapist, who asked the wife, "What's your main complaint about your sex life?"

She replied, " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The therapist asked the husband, "Is this true?"

He replied, "Well, not exactly. I don't suffer, she does."
Subject: Good Result (again)


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:46:58 03/14/05 Mon
Another good result against quite a good side.

Then played the pitch well, good movement and good passing. Some quite proficient swearing as well... What they didn't have was the incisive balls that we were playing that kept putting Rens and Matty through. If you think about it we got benhind their back 4 far more often that they did to us which we should be proud of.

Onto more pertinent matters, who had halftime in the injury swwep anyway? Rumour has it that Bryan took a singapore syndicate to the cleaners on it... Something about a cleaner from Singapore anyway....
Replies:
Subject: Straight to hell with these ones...


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:15:00 03/17/05 Thu
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.

Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?
A. Hanson.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night... Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, ok, can we get Aladdin? Janet: No, just a pizza and video

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Subject: Gags. Continued.


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:52:10 03/15/05 Tue
a poet is sat outside a little street cafe when his painter friend passes carrying a suitcase.
"going on holiday?" says the poet.
the painter replies "no, i'm on a quest. i've been having these dreams about a most wonderful colour but i find it impossible to recreate it on my canvass. It's doing my head in, the most beautiful, iridescent, alive colour i've seen and i can't have it. grrrrrrr."
"got to rush, i have a plane to catch" says the painter heading into the Tube.
"i hope you find it" says the poet turning back to his drink.

six months pass until one day the poet, sat outside the same cafe, spots the painter (looking a lot more relaxed than last time) coming towards him.
"you look well", smiles the poet, "did you find your colour?"
smiling and slowly shaking his head the painter says "no. i went round the world talking with some of the greatest artists there are, asking their advice but it wasn't until a chance encounter with a dream therapist that the breakthrough came. we spent a weeks going over the problem and in the end he helped me realise that the colour wasn't real. It was just a pigment of my imagination."

BOOM FUGGIN BOOM!
Subject: Gags. Volume 3, Issue 2.


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:49:13 03/15/05 Tue
Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it.

A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him.... what? --a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

THANKS PEOPLE. I'M HERE ALL WEEK.
Subject: Giant Piss Up


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:57:49 03/15/05 Tue
As you all may or may not know, Ditch and Bryan have both got new jobs. They are having a joint leaving do/massive piss up on Friday night in town. Anyone welcome. Call the usual ale hotline for more info...
Subject: 2nd half


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:51:37 03/14/05 Mon
I think saying we so so, second half is being, if i may say, FUCKIN GENEROUS, we were wank, simple as!
But can't complain i've still got more hair than Coleman, welling and Hocking combined. Plus we won on the field of dreams, mentally pissing on the stars and stripes! Hay hay nice one fella.
Replies:
Subject: Fireman sam


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 09:37:39 03/09/05 Wed
Glad to see that erstwhile bog fitter and one time isa full back bruiser, kid coleman, has taken is renound on-field violence, off the field and on to the ochy. The usual gobbin off followed by clouds of dust, leaving the author, pete and hot shot howell to clear up the mess (again).
Rest assured dear readers that you are in safe hands now that the bald one is joining the fire brigade......fuck me what a scary thought!
To be fair well funny watchin the oddies cryin after their promotion destroying defeat at the hands off miller and co.

Ha ha wankers!!
Replies:
Subject: Bet of the Day


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:19:28 03/05/05 Sat
Southend to win today are a very generous 13/10 at bluesq.com

Filling my boots me...
Replies:
Subject: A ladies viewpoint


Author:
The ISA Birds Fanclub
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:21:04 03/03/05 Thu
Gosh, where to start?

Well, the Goalie! Phew, what a hunk. Can't understand a word he says, but every gutteral Yorkshire grunt is the sound of angels singing to me and my mates.

The back four are mingers. End Of. Hocking, Brighton, Lightbeer, all baldies who we dont think can get it up. Kennedy is too young for these MILFS. Except Old Man Wellings. I'd let him rub wintergreen on my groin strain, I dont mind telling ya!

The wingers are OK, but we've heard that they are Welsh. We don't 'do' Welsh. The lad who plays centre mid, Christ, he's got long arms to wrap around a girl. Oly? Ole, more like! Don't do Asian/Mediterranean/Arab lookalikes though.

As for the forwards, the powerhouse who copped a brace on Sunday could cop a brace of us anytime. We hope he's got the meat to match his veg, God, this girls eyes are watering thinking about it! Walnut Whip though we've heard. And the lad who plays on the left? We'd give him something to really Moooooooaaaannnnnnn about! ;-) Easy tiger.

Overall, a piss poor performance in the totty dept, with a few notable exceptions. Bring back Coleman we say, he may be fat and bald, but his line dancing experience, and plumbers ways means he could march up my drainpipe anyday!
Replies:
Subject: hohofuckenho


Author:
Eggs and Blacon
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:13:10 02/26/05 Sat
Two men walk naked into a fancy dress
party, one with his knob in a pear, the
other with his knob in a bowl of custard.

"What have you two come as?" the host asks
'I'm deep in despair" says one...
"and he's fucking disgusted."
Replies:
  • Terrible -- OS Dog, 21:23:33 02/27/05 Sun
Subject: Good Riddance (cant stop playing this song)


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 16:12:48 02/16/05 Wed
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Replies:
Subject: Website updated


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:31:22 01/30/05 Sun
There is a brief match report from the Boathouse and Corner Pin games, updated fixtures, and loads of pics from the Black Dog game.

As always, ALL contributions are greatfully accepted at the usual email address...
Replies:
Subject: Corner Pin at home


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:56:18 01/30/05 Sun
Who had zero minutes for the old codger then?

Clean Sheet Coleman owes me a Kroney Tuesday!!!
Subject: Boathouse home


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:35:59 01/23/05 Sun
Cant have no complaints about today. Some sloppy defending gifted them the first, the second was pure assualt and the third was very dodgy refereeing. OUR goals however, were different gravy.

5 points from a possible 6 in 2005... OSDog made the full 90 as well. Fuck me, wonders will never cease.
Replies:
Subject: Some gags


Author:
Jimmy Tarbrush
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:32:23 01/23/05 Sun
Q: What do you get when you cross a paedo and a pirate?
A: Arrrrrrr Kelly.

Q: What's the difference between Paula Radcliffe and Hitler?
A: At least Hitler tried to finish a race.

In a bid for good publicity, Michael Jackson's legal
team announced that when the singer dies he's agreed
to be melted down by undertakers to make plastic toys.
So, kids can play with him for a change...

Two snowmen are chatting...
First Snowman: "Can you smell carrots?"
Subject: Report of ISA 4 - 0 Werburghs


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:24:16 01/23/05 Sun
From the Werburghs web site.

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.web-teams.co.uk/Match.asp?team=stwerburghspcfc&mid=match39.xml">http://www.web-teams.co.uk/Match.asp?team=stwerburghspcfc&mid=match39.xml</a>

Dont know which fucking match he was watching like? They were awful and got leathered from memory?
Subject: George Bush's inaugration


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:37:12 01/22/05 Sat
Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
There all off without you
Havin fun.

Wanker.
Subject: Captain, my captain


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:35:37 01/22/05 Sat
Yes, a fine tune indeed. "Watchin the people get lairy...."

I predicted that you would all guess incorrectly, so to give you all a clue, the answers do NOT include...

i) The lead singer out of Right Said Fred
ii) Mo Mowlem
iii) Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate
iv) Fred Elliott (although Bryan is getting there)
v) Roy Castle (or Rocastle for that matter)
vi) Hairy Dave
vii) A boiled egg or a cue ball
viii) Ving Rhames
ix) Ming the Merciless
x) Dave Melson

Come on, it's not that hard (except number 4)
Subject: Kaiser


Author:
Muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:03:33 01/18/05 Tue
No not harry!! NWAS- CRACKIN TUNE SON! Could be many a high sos night?!
Subject: Quiz answers?


Author:
Muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:34:01 01/18/05 Tue
My stab at the "egg in the nest" quiz- From L/R Tele savalas, Piere luigi colina, Mat Lucas, Duncan Goodhew, sean connery (in Hunt for red october. Close?!
Subject: I'll take the 5th......


Author:
OS Dog
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 20:28:19 01/16/05 Sun
Great work again from Mr Howell on the site. In my defence I did spend a lot of time living near to Sizewell nuclear power station and I am almost certain that this has more to do with my apparently scant thatch that the fact that I am old and most of my family wear hats a lot in winter.

We are ace again for about an hour today but went to bits at the end. The training is definately showing through on the pitch. A bit of a result at work means I can make it there myself this week. Not that I need it, but it's always nice to pass a little something on to the youngsters. Just ask Matthew Kelly...

KTF
Replies:
Subject: todays game


Author:
Muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:09:00 01/09/05 Sun
Well done to all the lads today. A solid all round peformance. I dont think any one had a bad game, least of all edwards, to who matey i can only say, you gave him such as hard time that he reated like he did, the hard part to swallow is the ban and fine. But dont forget the performance you put in. I saw at least two blokes on their arse as you waltzed by,you had a major part in at least one goal, and no doubt some part in the others. So keep your chin up mate, you went down with a win! You'll make a winger one day!
Replies:
Subject: Happy New Year you groovy F--kers!


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 01:46:03 01/01/05 Sat
Happy New Year to you all. In the next couple of weeks I will be emailling you all a questionnaire, sort of a player profile thing for the website. If you could fill it in as humourously as you can, I would be obliged. Should be a good couple of articles in them!

BTW Check out Secret Machines album 'Now Here is Nowhere'. Available now from Bearshare at the special offer price of fuck all... www.bearshare.com
Subject: asian chap


Author:
HM Imigtation service
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:51:48 12/23/04 Thu
Is that asian gentleman still playing in midfield for you? We really need to speak to him regarding his asylum application.
Replies:
Subject: Shock move for city striker!


Author:
Well placed source
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:21:06 12/24/04 Fri
The football world was is in shock today, with the suprising news that ISA striker M.D Howell is the subject of Multi pence move to US Football team The North Idaho silver boots. Sources close to the team said that they were looking for a goal kicker, and that Howell had all the requisite skills, power, height, distance.

Howell himself declined to comment, and quickly disapeared into MBNA possibly to open a new account. Doubts have been raised further with a vacancy arrising in the Silver boots line dancing team as head coach, proportedly being offered to fellow ISA Red carder Bryan "the kid" Coleman.

ISA manager/shop owner, Mohammed "scott" Ditchfield was reported as saying " fuck em, there always getting sent off and suspended anyway!"

We await further developments!!!!
Subject: Rugby


Author:
muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 08:25:14 12/23/04 Thu
Anyone requiring help clearing a five-aside goal and 12 ft fence from less than 2yards. Please see White booted Mark Darren Howell for expert tuition!
Replies:
  • Re: Rugby -- The aforementioned, 20:59:26 12/23/04 Thu
Subject: Website update


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:01:18 12/18/04 Sat
New stuff on the website includes fixtures etc and a piece on helping the police.

Check it out. Any/all contributions (record reviews, personal profiles, match reports isa or otherwise, any other irrelevent cack you wish to pebble up) gratefully received.

I'm trying to stop it dying on it's arse.
Subject: Friday 17th


Author:
TBG
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 23:56:27 12/10/04 Fri
Christmas Drink in town Friday 17th December. Details to be announced in next few days. Would be great to get a few of the lads out for a christmas tipple and a sure giggle if you can make it.
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Subject: G-man and the Thursday Club


Author:
PC Gingaminge
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:51:35 11/18/04 Thu
Surely we should all be shown the wrestling video with the banner on it? Come on...
Replies:
Subject: Kid Coleman


Author:
Tex
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:31:27 11/15/04 Mon
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHIIII!!!! Howdy pardners its Tex here, Kid coleman asked me to clarify one or two things with yuo'll.
As is manager i feel it 's only right to squash these scandalous rumours about the kid being at some nieces birthday party! nothing is futher from the truth, this time of year is GB team linedancing try outs!
The kid would never consider missing a match cause of some childs birthday, or cause a mate of calamity heidis boyfriend, "dosen't like football", that would un-forgivable.
Any way folks i hope i've cleared up some of the terrible rumours doing the rounds about the kid.

Till the next time.......YEAHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

P.s The kid missed selection for GB, he got sent off Twice in one dance.....Twat!
Replies:
Subject: News


Author:
Morally Bankrupt
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:29:41 11/12/04 Fri
I have heard a rumour that a member of the first team squad has been singled out by the manager for potential drug testing.

In the interest of anonymity, I shall refer to the individual only as "Tom K". No, that's too obvious, how about "X Kennedy". Anyone at the ISA's Melbourne Road training complex on Wednesday night will understand the gaffer's suspicions.

Scott 'Rajesh' Ditchfield, having seen video evidence of X Kennedy at training remarked "Fuck me! that's a fucking chongers hat if ever I saw one! That's full Jamiriqai headgear!"

Our moral guardian, Rob 'Old Man' Wellins advised X Kennedy to "Quit doin drugs son!" and also implored the youngster to "Get a job!".

In other issues, sartorial concerns grew for Graeme 'G-Man' Reynaldo over the weekend. Two topics for discussion are the following;

1) Pink stripes
2) Hair straighteners

I'm saying nothing...
Replies:
Subject: Coleman fat and bald


Author:
Sir Fur Bur Gur
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 22:41:15 11/05/04 Fri
Coleman has been caught posting on the darts website. Check it out.

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://pub46.bravenet.com/forum/3933149551/fetch/643875/">http://pub46.bravenet.com/forum/3933149551/fetch/643875/</a>
Replies:
Subject: Lots of vintage Chester memorabilia for sale!


Author:
Silver Acre
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 14:10:17 10/26/04 Tue
Our company Silver Acre have just put alot of Chester memorabilia up for sale on eBay including vintage programmes, tickets etc. Take a look here <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://stores.ebay.com/SILVERACRE-SHOP_Other_W0QQcolZ2QQdirZQ2d1QQsclZallQQsotimedisplayZ2QQtZkm.">http://stores.ebay.com/SILVERACRE-SHOP_Other_W0QQcolZ2QQdirZQ2d1QQsclZallQQsotimedisplayZ2QQtZkm.</a> Don't miss out! we're selling tons of memorabilia at present.

Cheers,
Dan @ Silver Acre Comics (www.silveracre.com)
Subject: To days game


Author:
Alan Hanson
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 18:43:27 10/17/04 Sun
Good come back well done 4-1 down to 4-4
Replies:
Subject: A Question


Author:
Interested Observer
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:47:54 10/13/04 Wed
Does that Asian lad still play in midfield for you lot?

If you could post an answer coz I need to get in touch with him.

Thanks

Dave
Replies:
Subject: Coleman engaged?


Author:
Fly on the Wall
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 15:46:05 10/13/04 Wed
Rumours are spreading like wildfire around the plumbing community in Chester that The Baldy Plumber (TM) and erstwhile ISA full back Bryan Coleman has finally become engaged to his sweetheart Heidi.

Heidi is currently on a course and is unable to confirm this, but Coleman last night cooked a meal and stayed sober for the evening, which has lead to leading ISA figures asking questions over whether Coleman has asked 'the question'?

More to follow in due course...
Subject: Match Sunday


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:23:59 10/12/04 Tue
Sunday at home to MBNA

Meet at the Imps at 10am
Subject: Training


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 17:55:55 10/05/04 Tue
Every Wednesday on the astroturf at Blacon High School, 7.15pm.

First week £2, every other week £1.

See you there.
Subject: More on Coleman...


Author:
Marksan Spencer
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:14:22 10/03/04 Sun
Foregone his usual 'M' boxers, for the roomier feel of the 'L'....

Info straight from the horses mouth, so to speak...

Biddly biddly bong, so it is!
Subject: Egerton Darts


Author:
NWAS
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 19:54:27 09/27/04 Mon
Big one on Tuesday night. The Edge are in a three way play off for the Division 4 title, after finishing joint top place with 28 points.

If anyone fancies a bev it's the Gardners Arms on Christleton Road, Boughton at 8ish.

Good luck lads, well done.
Replies:
Subject: Exclusive


Author:
Anon
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:09:46 09/22/04 Wed
ISA STAR WARNED: "SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT!"

ISA player, Bryan Coleman, is reported to be in an emotionally fragile state following the shock announcement by long-term girlfriend, Heidi, that she would be leaving him if he did not address his escalating weight problem.

Coleman (26) is known to have taken the news badly and only last Sunday, was seen out with fellow players and the ISA manager, Scott Ditchfield, on a lengthy drinking session at the Oaklands pub in Hoole (a popular venue for the ISA players). A source close to Coleman described it is an emotionally difficult time for the much maligned full back. The source stated that "Bryan has had a difficult year in terms of confidence. His rapid hair loss has hit him hard and now this! I just feel terrible for him"

Coleman was believed to have intentions to marry his beloved girlfriend of over a year, and was cheekily dubbed 'Lord of the Rings' by fellow ISA stars following an apparent sighting outside the 'Bargain Jewels, jewellery discount magastore' in Wrexham. At the time, Coleman was quoted as saying that it was "the happiest point in his life so far" and he added that "being with this fine woman is better than scoring a late equaliser on Wezzy Park and saving a five-a-side penalty in Blackpool all rolled into one!"

Whilst the warning from Heidi was only described by her as a "suggestion", it is believed that she has issued an ultimatum whereby Coleman lose the estimated 3 stone of excess by the end of this year or face the prospect of "line dancing alone".

A source close to Heidi stated that she "very upset and distressed" by recent events. Heidi is believed to have confided in friends, asking for advice on how to straighten out her man. In a candid interview with a national magazine, Heidi described the problems faced within their home. "Bryan can be a nice guy at times and I love him to pieces. But I do get fed up when I'm promised sex, only to have to peel him off the sofa in a pool of his own bodily fluids following 14 cans of Stella at 8 in the evening"

Heidi also expressed concerns regarding Coleman's hair loss stating that "I recently saw pictures of Bryan taken a few years ago when he played for the Highfield and I was shocked! He had a trim figure and thick curtains for a hair-do! My! just a fringe would be nice now, even without the curtains!" Notwithstanding her concerns, Heidi is believed to have agreed to stay with Coleman to see if the widely held belief that bald men are more virile is, in fact, true. Sources close to Heidi revealed that thus far, she has been sorely disappointed.

The couple are rarely out of the public eye and only two months ago, came fourth in a national line dancing contest. Bryan described the moment as "magical" and he also spoke of his "secret love for the dance" even though he conceded that he received "some proper pain" from his ISA team mates.

Coleman is also believed to have spent colossal amounts of money in gambling establishments and was seen recently in 'Mecca Bingo' collecting sizable winnings following a long night at 'the table'.

It is thought that Coleman has investigated the possibility of joining a gymnasium such as the 'Crabwall Manor Spa and Health Club' (frequented by some of the ISA's fittest and most dedicated players). Sources close to Coleman have stated that he has now made the decision to "jib that off" and opt for the Slimfast plan instead.

Coleman's team mates are said to be "right behind him" and a source within the dressing room stated "Nobody likes to make fun of Bryan - it just isn't the ISA way of doing things. We will continue to give Bryan the support and respect we have always done".

Supporters echoed the sentiments. Celebraty Season ticket holder, darts star, Lee 'Prince of the Port' Miller, stated that the supporters would stick with Coleman no matter what. Miller stated "Although the lad may not be the greatest player in the world, he remains a popular figure within the terraces at the Imps". "It's easy to forget what a great servant he's been for this club". Miller later clarified that by saying that "To be fair, I guess it's not actually that easy to forget, the **** reminds us every five minutes!"

It must be said, Bryan is lucky to have such a supportive group around him and hopefully we will all see him bounce back soon.
Replies:
Subject: Fucking bullshit


Author:
Andy Johnson
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 13:45:35 09/17/04 Fri
Well, someone seems to have been posting some interesting shit on the board...

"Brutal truth is if AJ bothered turning up then he might have scored. Message to brutal truth "just go and bum him and give us all a break!" It Is one thing skipping round section c defenders, but he dosn't fancy it against section A.And he could have come down and shouted the lads on! Instead he stayed at home and cried because someone apparently had a go at him."A fan" would come and watched."

Why dont you post under your real name you fucking mong. Or even better, give me a call. Posting under some pseuodo-dogshit name. I haven't been on this board for god knows how long, so i find it interesting to hear that people have things to say about me which are fabricated.

First and foremost, i have been to every training session and every game (bar last sunday) this season. I believe Rens is the only one who can match that. Ive taken time off work to play, not many people do that. So if i dont turn up for one match, then i need offer no exlanation other than the one i gave to the manager. If you think i cant run rings round some shitty section A team then you're way off the mark. You either dont know me or just a prick.

As for having a disagreement with Ollie and going home spitting my dummy... where the fuck did that come from?? Completely made up again. Ive spoken to Ollie and Ditch and as far as i am concerned, there was nothing to sort out. They saw thing exactly the same way, thankfully.

So to sum things up, if i miss a game, id appreciate not being made the scapegoat for everyone elses petty little battles. Its become a case of grown men acting like kids, and ive been dragged into it, having to post crap like this. So the spineless bellend who keeps posting shit about me can go fuck himself.

Ill speak to Maka and see if i can find out whos who on this board.

Rant over.
Replies:
Subject: Enoughs enough!


Author:
Muzmacol
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 12:42:04 09/17/04 Fri
Ok lads i think we've all said enough now, lets put it behind us, and knuckle down for the next game. Lets remember despite results, we've a decent side there and could do well. Anyone with any issues i hope will feel able to speak openly. It is surely more desirable than letting things fester. Lets have a good go sunday, and if things go wrong remember Bryan is really bald. (sorry mate)
Replies:
Subject: Supporters Team League


Author:
NPS League
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 10:33:34 09/17/04 Fri
Hi,

This is a formal invitation for you to join a North West regional football supporter’s league (which may be affiliated in some way to the IFA). The website can be found at <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.freewebs.com/npsfl/">http://www.freewebs.com/npsfl/</a> .

Dependant on the numbers responding to this suggestion positively it may consist of home and away fixtures against all teams or just whatever games you can fit in with a cap on the number of matches per season. It is also hoped a cup competition may be sorted.

There will be 3 points awarded for a win, 2 points for a win on penalties and 1 point for a draw. There will also be 2 points for hosting a tournament and a further 2 points for its winners.

Players will only be able to play for one club per season, unless the opposition on the day is a player short in which case an exception will be made. Each team is allowed a 25 man squad.

All that would be required is for you to fill in the registration form (below) and let me know your fixtures in advance and the results, team and scorers in your teams games.

There will be no fee (bar a possible donation towards a trophy/medals for the winners and top scorer), and the league will hopefully have a well maintained website and newsletter.

Club Name:

Club Supported:

League:

Year Formed:

Website Address:

Forum Address:

Home Pitch:

Kit Colours:

Manager E-mail Address:

Manager Name:

Record Appearances:

Record Goalscorer:

Record Win:

Record Defeat:

Link To Team Photo:

Link To Club Badge:

Squad List:

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
13)
14)
15)
16)
17)
18)
19)
20)
21)
22)
23)
24)
25)

Thanks for your time, and hopefully your participation,

Ryan
Subject: Cup Game


Author:
Brutal Truth
[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: 21:40:15 09/12/04 Sun
Will any of us wake up in the morning in agony after been given the runaround for 90 mins from a section A side ? Answer is no, because we weren't given the runaround at all, and competed with them, and brutal truth is if Johnson had of been playing we'd probably be in the hat for the draw for the next round now. That's no disrespect to the lads that played out there but I'm sure you all know what I mean.

"Brutal Truth, sometimes it needs to be said"
Replies:
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