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Date Posted: 19/08/06 10:43pm
Author: Dr Arnold Wenslydale Shah-MacDonald; RADA; VGC
Subject: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle)

After a comprehensive, scientific study, on the tribes people of the Whoopawhoo rainforest some remarkable discoveries came to light. The University of Sheffield unearthed the following facts:-

(1)
When the triebespeople were fed on bread, water, and 1 kilo of opium per day thay felt hardly any pain at all.
(2)
When fed on bread, water, and a placibo in place of the opium the tribespeople felt pain when poked in the eye with a blunt object.

Remarkable eh...

Regards

Dr Arnold Wenslydale Shah-MacDonald; RADA; VGC

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Replies:

[> Re: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle) -- Dr. Blindas Bat (Optician), 20/08/06 9:10am

Dr Wenslydale ,

I may have an explanation for this phenomenon, if you could supply me with a bit of data.

This blunt object, what color was it?

Dr Blindas Bat


>After a comprehensive, scientific study, on the tribes
>people of the Whoopawhoo rainforest some remarkable
>discoveries came to light. The University of Sheffield
>unearthed the following facts:-
>
>(1)
>When the triebespeople were fed on bread, water, and 1
>kilo of opium per day thay felt hardly any pain at all.
>(2)
>When fed on bread, water, and a placibo in place of
>the opium the tribespeople felt pain when poked in the
>eye with a blunt object.
>
>Remarkable eh...
>
>Regards
>
>Dr Arnold Wenslydale Shah-MacDonald; RADA; VGC


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> Re: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle) -- Mortimer Crumbcake (Panexa™, Yes it will pay for your Mercedes!!!), 20/08/06 10:59am

My Good Dr. Bat,

Let me introduce myself, my name is Mortimer Crumbcake. I think we supplied your office with "Seeing Eye Iguanas" when I was Senior Sales Representative at Bedbeger International, Industrial Supply Sales, Nottingham Region. I trust they worked out to your satisfaction.

I would like to make an appointment to discuss Panexa™, as I am sure you are aware with the recent media blitz patients are clamoring for Panexa™. Panexa™, is well suited for patients with binocular vision as stated in the prescribing literature. Like all medications there are some slight side effects and Panexa™ may be contraindicated in some patients *.

Looking forward to seeing you again and supplying you with Panexa™.




Sincerely,

Mortimer Crumbcake

Senior Sales Representative
MERD Pharmaceutical Group.
"Third World Sales Our Specialty"

Formerly of-
"Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region"

* Patients with legal representation, who are subject to manic outbursts and/or who are known to carry weapons are advised NOT to take Panexa™, like all medications Panexa™, may have some mild to severe side effects. If you are taking Panexa™ and experience any side effects consult your doctor before discontinuing use. If you miss a dose of Panexa™, take twice as much as soon as possible.


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> [> Re: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle) -- Dr. Blindas Bat (Optician), 21/08/06 1:00pm


Mortimer,

Panexa certainly looks promising. I note the advisory "Ask your doctor for a reason to take it". Well I'm a doctor and I can't think of a reason. Will the manufacturer of Panexa be supplying software to provide reasons for doctor's to use?

I am currently supplying it to patients under the pretense of trying to fix "binocular vision", which is actually the normal state of human vision. Some patients are starting to get a bit suspicious, so I am having to fall back on the old "neuroplaceboplexy".

So any software to help generate reasons to take Panexa would be helpful.

Yours

Dr Bat


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> [> [> Re: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle) -- Mortimer Crumbcake (Panexa™, It's not just for breakfast anymore!), 22/08/06 6:03am

My Good Dr. Bat,

May I call you Blindas? Well it certainly is a coincidence our R&D department just released "Prescribing Reasons 6.0" for Windows and Mac. You simply enter some information on the patient such as name, credit card numbers and a few other needed bits and in a flash it connects with our secure servers in Nigeria, logs the information and returns a reason to take Panexa™. I’ll drop off a complementary copy while I am there with some free samples.

So there really is no reason to use neuroplaceboplexy as a reason for prescribing Panexa™. In the meantime I don’t see any problem with using "binocular vision", as a reason for prescribing Panexa™. Every study to date has indicated blurred vision or even blindness results in over 99.99991% of patients taking Panexa™.


Sincerely,

Mortimer Crumbcake

Senior Sales Representative
MERD Pharmaceutical Group.
"Third World Sales Our Specialty"


[ Edit | View ]

[> Re: News Report (Healthy Lifestyle) -- Mortimer Crumbcake (Panexa, Is it right for anyone?), 20/08/06 10:29am

My good Sir, Dr Arnold Wenslydale Shah-MacDonald; RADA; VGC

Your report raises a few questions both of methodology and ethics!

You state "When the triebespeople were fed on bread, water, and 1 kilo of opium per day thay felt hardly any pain at all."

Was this based on the standard clinical scale of 1 to 10, (10 being please kill me now), was the bread whole grain or bleached flour and since the tribespeople of the Whoopawhoo rainforest get rained on all the time it is a known fact they hardly ever drink water, lastly you failed to mention the purity of the opium. All of these factors could have a margin of error of at least 40% +/- 39%.

You also state "When fed on bread, water, and a placibo in place of the opium the tribespeople felt pain when poked in the eye with a blunt object."

I find that without the data for mass and velocity in your report it is hard to evaluate the results. If you had just used the Blunt Object Index (BOI) as developed by Scotland Yard in 1927 perhaps your data would make some sense. As is clearly stated in the BOI as I am sure you are aware, the scale goes from " #1-Fireplace Poker", "#2-Claw Hammer", "#3-Glass Ashtray", "#4-Candelstick", "#5 -Large Bronze Statuette", "#6-Large Ceramic Urn", "#7- Porcelain Urinal", "#8- Claw Foot Bathtub", "#9- Frozen Leg of Kangaroo" and lastly "#10 Lorry Tyre".

I further feel you should have had a control group, which should have been given only sublingual tablets of Panexa™, this would have flushed out the test subjects who only were there for the bread and opium.

Sincerely,

Mortimer Crumbcake

Senior Sales Representative
MERD Pharmaceutical Group.
"Third World Sales Our Specialty"

Formerly of-
"Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region"


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