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Date Posted: 29/12/06 10:18pm
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Tick Tock)
Subject: Own a piece of 2006
Last chance to own a piece of 2006, yes time is running out on 2006 and soon there will be no more left. What will your grandchildren say when they are embarrassed their friends have some 2006 and they don’t? Act now and we will provide you with 2006 (available in increments of four minutes) this is a limited offer and will be withdrawn on 12/31/06 at 11:59:59.
Call or stop by the office, all sales final, cash only.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Replies:[>
Re: Own a piece of 2006 -- Moses Wallace,
30/12/06 9:47pm
Hi Roger
My grandchildren brought to my attention the fact that you are selling off four minute increments of 2006. I would like to purchase 4 sets of any four minutes of 26/04/06 please.
Sorry if this sounds forward but would you be open to offers as we are rather short of money? Ideally I would like to exchange any of the following for the minutes in question please. Sorry if I appear in a hurry by the way but i`m in a rush..
(1) An industrial cement mixer, knackered, but could be repaired by an enthusiast.
(2) A lorry load of gold bullion (found near heathrow).
(3) A smashed up tea set (unwanted gift from mother-in-law).
(4) An original manuscript signed by William Shakespeare entitled "Alas poor Yorkie, I knew him well..."
(5) The first Beano ever produced. Pristine condition apart from the area where the issue number is located.
(6) An imitation Thomson submachine gun. A great icebreaker at parties or give it has a gift to your bank robbing kid brother.
(7) Freehold of the Moon.
(8) A manual entitled "Re-cycling, when do we get paid?"
Alternatively I would like to bid £27 for the 16 minutes, do you accept Paypal?
Warmest regards
Mo Wallace
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Re: Own a piece of 2006 -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Savoring the moments),
31/12/06 4:49pm
My good fellow,
You would seem to be in luck as upon checking inventory for 26/04/06 we still have quite a few minutes left. You didn’t specify if you wanted all the minutes consecutive or if there was a specific reason for having them separated. With that said I will hold the contiguous block of minutes from 7:08 AM to 7:24 AM on 26/04/06 for your approval, alternately we still have many fragments left especially around 5:00 to 7:00 PM. Since we already have real Thomson machine guns in quantity, I will accept your offer of the knackered industrial cement mixer and the lorry load of gold bullion (found near heathrow) as it matches the description of a lorry load we lost last month.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Re: Own a piece of 2006 --
Freddy Crotchbite (sneer),
31/12/06 3:35pm
In response to your offer, I would like to purchase the four minutes of 11.32am to 11.36am 12/5/06, also I would like to purchase four minutes, anywhere in 28/11/2006, but preferably somewhere near 11 o’clock. Reasons being beyond your business, but nevertheless fruitful for mine.
May I be the fourth to wish you a merry new year, and all the best for 2009.
I will be paying in cash, next year, and a deposit of four kittens can be left at your office, driven in by my butler Knickers, brought by my own fair hand, which was amputated yesterday.
I also have some Saddam Hussein pendants if you’re interested in an exchange; they are rather dull looking and heavy, but they hang awfully well.
Yours spherically,
Mr Frederick Crotchbite.
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Re: Own a piece of 2006 -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Hands of Time Indeed !),
31/12/06 5:15pm
My good Mr. Crotchbite,
May I call you Freddie ? Per your request I have set aside 11.32am to 11.36am 12/5/06, depending on your preference and not meaning to inquire as to your reasons for request of four minutes on 28/11/2006, but preferably somewhere near 11 o’clock I can offer you any block of four from 10:46 AM till 11:16 AM of said day. While the offer of four kittens as deposit seems intriguing I must decline as our Asian foods division is under investigation by the health ministry at the moment. Please instruct your butler Knickers to place the hand through the letter slot on our door and we will hold it as deposit against the requested minutes, a kind of gentleman’s handshake if you will.
It seems you may have also found by now that Saddam Hussein novelties are not a big seller, our greeting card and poster division had a line of cards and posters with chatchy phrases like "Just Hanging Around" "Swinger?" "All Choked Up" and the one we thought would be an overwhelming success "Would You Like To Tie The Knot?". Unfortunately they were all consumed in a warehouse fire last week.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Re: Own a piece of 2006 --
Roger Stewart,
20/03/07 1:55pm
You GIT!!! Shlockman ,I bought all of 06 years ago and I will not have you sell it from under me,it cost me a small fortune and only a trader friend on the inside saved me from paying a lot more for it.I would be quite prepared to trade you a 1892 leap year if it means you passing up all rights to 06.May I remind you that I hold all current and future Bank Holiday Mondays and I would be quite prepared to cancel them all, thus throwing the whole country into turmoil if you choose to pursue this reckless action.
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