Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 22:43:42 05/18/16 Wed
Author: Mary (SSN helped me to understand)
Subject: Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 16:37:11 05/18/16 Wed

Hi Casseopia,

I am not a very versed person in this. However I'm glad that many of you addressed this issue and make me understand a little more about this situation.

My husband is a very nice person, very well educated (Master and PhD). 15 years ago when I discovered he was having an affair with a man he convinced me that the reason to do it was because he was abused when he was 12-13 years old by and older kid. I continued with him because i'm a Cristian and I felt that he needed my help. How can I abandon my husband with such a traumatic childhood? He made a lot of promises and at the end his therapist said he can control the flashes he had about his encounters with this man. End of the story and my worries.

What a fake end!!! What a stupid and naive person I was!!.

This man who I loved and trusted abused my son by touching his private parts and maybe you remember my ordeal with all the legal proceedings. Also I discovered that he is bisexual which he denied 15 years ago with such strength.

Now, that I'm calmer, I have the questions you have and Still Wondering too. Actually I was reading and article this week about "The compulsion to Repeat the Trauma" Re-enactment, Revictimization and Masochism.

It makes me thing about what happened to him but also about what happened to my son. As you can see it is a mix of many complexed things.

My thoughts about the trauma re-enactment is that yes, it is possible that this happened. I believed that a person can behave in the same way he was treated by someone before. However, this could apply for my husband action with my son but not about TGT. (Even I have my doubts about what happened with my son).

There is a clear situation here that he likes men, but I don't thing it is related to the compulsion to repeat the trauma. In fact if this is called trauma how somebody ( a husband) can do it and relive those "horrible" experiences? Even worse, to his own son?

My very humble conclusion is that our husbands are a mess. I feel sorry for them. I don't want to deal with him. In my case is very clear that I can't put my kids at risk. But it is also clear that I can't be his resource to keep lies and secrets when I was very good, nice and compassionate wife to him for many years. He needs to look for solutions about of this marriage and distant from people he can hurt.

Casseopia, I think human brain is too complex and trying to understand the extend of the damages created in our husbands is very difficult even for professionals in that area. I have being banging my head on the walls trying to figure out what crossed on is mind hand doing all these horrible acts and still can't do it. Now a realized we have a very different logic. He still blames me for all this mess, wrong logic from my point of view, he denied for many months he was bisexual or homosexual, wrong logic, he justifies he acts against his own son, wrong logic, he minimizes his wrongdoing, wrong logic.

You are not the only one trying to understand all this mess but believe me this takes a lot of energy from us when we can be enjoying life in a different way. I want to stop wondering and instead living peacefully without all this complexities our partners put us on. How different it would be if we have known since the beginning all the traumas. Maybe we still be together working for it in a honest way.

Keep strong,

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Replies:

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 10:09:14 05/19/16 Thu