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Date Posted: 16:37:11 05/18/16 Wed
Author: Casseopia
Subject: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT

Hello everyone,

I posted a while back about how my husband had been hooking up with men for a few years. This is the husband that is currently in residential rehab for drugs and alcohol and sexual addiction issues, if you remember that post.

The unequivocal, unwavering advice from all of you was... RUN!

I've read a lot of your stories since then and I've been living my own horror story since this all came out, seven months ago.

My original question back then - and one I'm sure gets asked here a lot - was could he have been doing this and still be straight, as he claims to be? Now hang on a minute before you all start yelling RUN again!

In most stories I am reading here - I read the facts and think, Hell no! RUN! He's as gay as the day is long!

However... a thread I have just been reading concerns sexual abuse. The quote I'd like to consider is this one, from Leigh... "In cases when first sexual encounters are non-consensual, this seems to muddy the water a bit. Abused children can become very confused adults. This is especially true for males as their biology allows their anatomy to be responsive even if they are in a state of anxiety or abuse.

Research (and personal stories) would support the idea that first consensual encounters are generally indicative of orientation where coercion or abuse are not present."

So - I can't remember how much detail I went into on my original post but in my husband's case, he was raped by an older boy when he was 9 years old. His parents ran a children's home and he then had to listen to this much older boy rape other children night after night. He is so ashamed that he didn't do anything. He was 9! What could he have done? His parents were a sexually abusive and alcoholic mother and a paedophile (eventually convicted many years later) father. So, yes - my husband does have a lot of issues.

So - what my husband has been doing over the past few years - according to him, his private therapist (specialist in sexual therapy) and his counsellors at rehab is 'trauma re-enactment' and self-punishment for the shame that it happened to him and that he, in his own mind, let it happen to other children.

He says he has no desire to do it again now that the monster's cage has been opened (the shame has been exposed and is being released)

I am NOT saying I will stay with him. I am not doubting that he has lied and hurt me beyond belief. I cannot deny he has been a terrible husband. My current frame of mind is that I am ready to run for the hills (I have today told him and his counsellors that I do not want him back in the house when rehab ends) - but for now, that is almost incidental. I'm just having a moment of curiosity about childhood sexual trauma and future sexual acting out. As an example - I had a friend who was raped by her father for years on end from the age of 5. Later in life she became a prostitute as she acted out her own past traumas, confronted her demons and tried to heal. She did heal - and she is now happily married, with children and is strictly monogamous.

Were my husband's sexual water's muddied? Is trauma re-enactment an actual thing? Will he still want to do it, even when the trauma is recognised and released?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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