Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4], 5 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 11:01:43 05/19/16 Thu
Author: Susan
Subject: Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 10:26:55 05/19/16 Thu

I'm so SORRY to have misunderstood your situation and questions. I didn't realize you'd made a decision to separate already. Good for you. Getting back to your post:

"It's frustrating that there doesn't seem to be room for discussion on this point. Surely there is some grey area?! If sexual acting-out for trauma re-enactment purposes isn't and has never been a thing, why is there so much material devoted to it? Are they all wrong?"

I'm no expert but I can give you my personal feelings. I think the entire industry based around explaining, rationalizing, or treating homosexuality is just another form of snake oil. In the early 1900s, charlatans would crisscross the USA selling oils that claimed to cure everything.

For centuries, homosexuality was considered a treatable disease and I firmly believe remnants of this culture remain anchored in even modern-day medicine. There are still medical professionals, many of whom are themselves closeted homosexuals, who claim that conversion therapy can 'cure' homosexuality. Given my limited experience, I'm inclined to think that we are born with a certain sexuality: either gay, bi, or heterosexual. This is hard-wired in my opinion. But we seek out relationships based on our culture which forced men like my ex-husband to marry a woman. So the attraction is hard-wired but the relationship is a choice in my opinion.

Getting back to your questions, I don't believe childhood trauma alone could push a man to continuously seek out sex with another man. The natural human reaction when phobic about something would be to avoid it. If I am in a car crash as a child for example, I'd likely avoid cars rather than obsess about them. If I survive a plane crash, I'd avoid flying rather than spending hours online looking at pictures of planes, airports, and booking flights.

Turning now to your husband, his trauma could perhaps explain a certain curiosity about sex with men or even a hook up or two. But I believe you have to be hard-wired 'gay' to explain years of trolling gay bars, gay saunas, placing ads on Craigslist, and using gay hook up apps. No gay in denial husband simply finds himself 'accidentally' having sex with another man. It takes a certain amount of planning and a certain warped mindset to work so hard to hide it from a straight spouse.

If all of this trauma only came out once you'd caught your husband red-handed, my gut feeling is he's a narcissist who is trying to manipulate others through sympathy. He wouldn't be the first nor last GIDHX who has duped caring medical professionals. Regardless of what these professionals say, do, or publish, you'll have your answer in a few years. If he's living with a man, he was always gay and born that way.

I hope that helps and again I wish you the best of luck. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and I applaud you seeking answers. I think you'll be just fine...WITHOUT HIM!

Good luck Cass!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 11:40:34 05/19/16 Thu
- Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- WendiT, 12:26:11 05/19/16 Thu