If I changed the story from people to animals..... -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 17:27:14 05/19/16 Thu
Author: Kel
Subject: If I changed the story from people to animals.....
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 16:37:11 05/18/16 Wed

Let's just for one moment say that we're talking about an abused dog here. Not for any reason other than it's the best analogy - not because I'm equating anyone to being a "dog". We're talking about an animal who's got all sorts of issues from harm that certain humans have done to him in the past. We can't tell what each and every problem stems from - we don't know the dog is aggressive due to only his abuse, or if it's part of his inborn personality, or a mix of the two. But we know that he is unpredictable and can be aggressive at a moment's notice. He may or may not be able to be completely rehabilitated.

Does the dog's issues make him unworthy of love or a good home? No. Absolutely not. But it does mean that a family with children and other animals is putting themselves at risk if they decide to take this animal in. Helping the animal will potentially destroy them or cause damage to them, and might not ever cure the animal of his own damage.

It doesn't really matter WHY he is who he is. We like to untangle that because we want to feel like if we walk away, that we're doing it because the person brought it upon themselves - not that something others have done to them has caused an inability for them to be any other way. I get that - I really, REALLY do. As a matter of fact, I have an adult child with mental illness that makes him either unable or unwilling to see be decent to others in the house - to the point of being dangerous. He has "done" nothing to be this way - he just..... IS. Not necessarily because it's anyone's fault. But the bottom line is that he's harming those around him. And I cannot - despite the fact that HE is my child and I want to protect HIM - keep him in the house where he damages others.

My point is that it doesn't matter if he's gay by birth, or by "choice", or as a result of abuse. He's gay. And you're straight. Those things don't work together in a marriage. For EITHER party. People are just scared to move on because the future is unknown. So they want to keep what they have. At least until they feel they can move on with some better assurances first.

It doesn't matter why you're spouse is who he is, and what made him that way. He is not compatible with monogamy and being passionate about a partner of the opposite sex. Which is what you are. You can be kind and compassionate without deciding to tether yourself to the stone that keeps dragging you to the bottom of the sea.

All the best -

Kel

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Replies:

Re: If I changed the story from people to animals..... -- Patti (Spot On, kel!), 02:03:55 05/20/16 Fri