What defines the word "gay"? -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 12:31:13 05/23/16 Mon
Author: Kel
Subject: What defines the word "gay"?
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 12:38:41 05/21/16 Sat

I know that I had the same issue as you do - SO many of us here did/do; them telling us that they're not gay, and yet issues surrounding the gay thing (TGT). It was here - over 5 years ago now - that I learned that for some reason, we often hesitate to declare them gay unless they self-identify that way. It's kind of weird, actually. I can think of almost no other identifier that needs the individual to self-declare in order for them to have a label.

"I'm a mother but I don't like my kid." You're a mother.
"I'm married but we aren't in love anymore." You're married.
"I'm married but we don't live together any more." You're married. If I can't marry you because you're already married, then you're MARRIED.
"I'm on the team but I mostly sit on the bench." You're on the team.
"I'm a father, but I didn't want the kids in the first place. Why should I have to pay for them if I don't want 'em?" You're a father.
"I can't be a molester - I didn't MEAN to touch those kids inappropriately when I started out stroking their hair." You molested. You're a molester.
"Those kids enjoyed that - they didn't stop me." - You're a molester
"It's not rape if she dressed like a tramp. She didn't stop me." She was drunk and passed out. She didn't give consent - you raped her. You're a rapist.
"I can't have cancer - I've never smoked". You have cancer.
"I can't have diabetes - that's for fat people. I'm thin and watch what I eat." You're a diabetic.
"I didn't MEAN to cheat on my wife. The other woman didn't mean anything to me - it was just sex." You cheated.
"It's not cheating if I just had her give me oral sex, or I f*cked her in the ass. I didn't have vaginal sex with her." Yes, it's cheating.
"I can't be gay. I know I slept with many people of the same sex, and lied and cheated to be able to do so. But I don't want to be gay." YOU'RE GAY.
"I love you. But I betrayed you and deceived you and if you don't give me another chance, it's YOU who's walking away". YOU betrayed, YOU betrayed. You did NOT show me love. Love does not do these things. YOU broke this covenant, not me. I am choosing what to do now that YOU have broken the covenant. And that is my right.

K

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Replies:

Re: What defines the word "gay"? (NT) -- WendiT (Pushing the "Like" Button), 15:11:33 05/23/16 Mon