Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 14:55:55 01/15/16 Fri
Author: Kel
Subject: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),....
In reply to: Melissa 's message, "Re: They may look at it due to trauma...." on 14:42:05 01/15/16 Fri

....HE will the one who suffers the most on a continual basis. And that's because he "owns" them - they are a part of his being. So if he goes and tries to find other relationships, they will likely be just as doomed. Because the issue owns him, not the other way around. YOU, on the other hand, will be free to have a healthy relationship again someday - with someone else. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I remember wondering if I could ever have a decent relationship after having such a poor marriage before. And I can remember encouraging my x to get help - because even if the help didn't help our relationship, it would help HIM. And he deserves to have good relationships. And he never will if he doesn't fix this - he takes it with him like an albatross tied around his neck.

Turns out that there was nothing wrong with me and being able to be in a relationship. Once I was free of that dysfunction, I went on to have a very EASY marriage to my current husband. We've all heard it said that marriage is work. And while I agree that work must be done in order to have a good relationship (like compromise, good listening, empathy, etc.), those come very naturally in the beginning of most relationships. Turns out that when you're matched well with another person and you're both healthy emotionally, it doesn't feel like work at ALL to do those things. They're not as easy as breathing, but just about. I've been with my current dh for four years now. Not a lifetime, to be sure. But sure as hell long enough to be over the honeymoon phase. And marriage is SO much easier when you're with someone who is HEALTHY.

Kel

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Replies:

Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Rob (looking forward ..), 16:56:47 01/15/16 Fri
- Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Cheri, 23:01:31 01/17/16 Sun
Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Melissa, 17:42:16 01/15/16 Fri