Sue, you are going to get through this. You have already realized something that is really important. Those sad times when you are really crying and feel awful do pass. You'll find that soon your bad days turn into bad hours, and eventually maybe a few bad minutes. One of my best friends would always say to me, "You never have to go back to when he told you." Somehow just reflecting, even for a few seconds, on how awful that time was is enough to make me pull myself back together. I go outside, or call a friend, or eat some chocolate (it really is a mood elevator!) As for his blaming you, I think it is just part of the GID Handbook. Like you, I was a happily married SAHM for 16 years, married for 20. After tearfully telling me that he was gay and leaving, he proceeded to tell everyone we knew that our marriage had been over for years, that I was controlling and didn't let him have friends. Oh...and he's gay, but that's beside the point. It's just as insane as it sounds. Don't buy it for a second. One thing that has really helped me when my kids are away is to do some projects that I don't really have time for when they are around (things that you need uninterrupted time for). Keep up with those divorced friends--I have a couple and it helps to get together with them on weekends too. We're all in the same boat. Take care.
