Re: My husband is a bisexual cross dresser -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 02:08:25 05/26/16 Thu
Author: Susan (Thinking of you)
Subject: Re: My husband is a bisexual cross dresser
In reply to: Veronica 's message, "My husband is a bisexual cross dresser" on 00:47:57 05/25/16 Wed

Thank you for sharing Veronica although I'm so sorry you have found yourself here. We have A LOT in common and I'd encourage you to read the many stories in this forum. While painful to read, you've started a journey that follows a familiar pattern. Let me share my journey.

1. I'm from an abusive home with an alcoholic father and manic depressive mother. So I'm good at keeping secrets or living in denial. For example, I've NEVER used the world alcoholic to describe my father when talking with my brother and sister.

2. I married my best friend, but always felt that something was 'off' or 'different' but reassured myself that I was the only one who truly understood him. In my mind, we were soul mates, so what if it wasn't very physical.

3. Sex was good at the beginning but very quickly dropped off. And the reason we stopped having sex always seemed like it was my FAULT. I never really felt desired or sexy around him. I never felt the PASSION of being wanted.

4. My intuition told me something was WRONG. He started withdrawing emotionally. Later I learned it was because he was living a parallel online life.

5. My doubts finally led to investigation. I started snooping around his computer, emails, and phone.

6. I discovered gay websites and questionable emails. I wasn't ready to accept the full weight of my discovery: my husband was gay. But I slowly started to realize I was living a lie. This wasn't easy.

7. My husband of course denied everything and I willingly accepted these lies. After all, I didn't want to break up with him. He seemed newly interested in our relationship and sex but this 'honeymoon' phase was short-lived.

8. It started with a gym obsession, then new clothes/underwear, then new friends who were either openly gay or very effeminate. There seemed to be a lot of spontaneous business travel taking him away from home.

9. The facts simply overwhelmed me. I was confronted with irrefutable proof that he was having sex with other men. Thus began my nightmare.

10. Once outed, he was like a cornered animal. The teeth and claws came out. He went full-on narcissist: lying, manipulating, and blaming. My life became a living hell.

11. After years of him openly cheating on me, we finally divorced and I've never looked back. I was FREE!

I hope that your experience is different than mine and so many other members of this forum. But it seems like you've reached #7 on my list from what you've shared.

This may STING a but but here goes. What are you getting out of this relationship? At the end of the day, your husband is a self-described bisexual cross dresser who lives a parallel online life and goes on frequent 'fishing' trips with other men. You no longer have sex, not because you no longer want it, but because he's having sex with other men.

From what you've shared, he's in the denial phase during which he'll manipulate you to believe that you're the problem. Make no mistake: HE'S THE PROBLEM. There is nothing normal about claiming to be straight, normal, and married when you're a lying cross dresser. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. TRUST YOUR GUT.

I wish you didn't have to be here but I'm glad that you're doing something for yourself. If you do plan to have sex with your husband, make sure you use condoms. The last thing you want is to catch something. Good luck!

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