Re: Lol! -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 21:15:19 05/26/16 Thu
Author: BryonM (idea - what's missing)
Subject: Re: Lol!
In reply to: Kel 's message, "Lol!" on 12:43:16 05/26/16 Thu

Hi Kel:

I've read some books, most of them seem to be about what to look for, how to snoop and spy, how to get evidence, and so on. How to get proof of what we already suspect but don't want to believe.

Questions that I've had but not seen addressed in a book are:

1) Do you really "need" proof? Why are you not trusting yourself, or why is being miserable not enough to get you to move?
2) Are you *sure* you want proof and are you prepared for it?
2a) Are you *really* sure?
3) What are you going to do with it if/when you find it? Have your practiced how you are going to present your proof, and what you are going to do with it, or are you going to react without having a plan first?
4) What outcome do you want after you find the proof, and is it realistic? (revisit questions #1 and #2)
5) How do you plan to handle the fallout, given the wide variety of responses that are going to come your way?
6) Take care of yourself first: legal, emotional, financial
7) How to move past it when all is said and done and the papers are signed, etc. What have others done that they said is helpful, and what is not helpful? What pitfalls and mistakes lie ahead that I should avoid?

I don't see where the "what makes them gay?" issue resolves anything, since even science doesn't have an answer for that. Someday someone will win a Nobel Prize for it, but until then... I think the real question is, "Now that I know about it, what are my options, and how do I make them happen?" It's the "okay, s/he's gay but what next?" kind of questions that seem to go missing in everything I've read.

I hope those make sense, what I'm looking for is how to remain rational, firm and clear-headed in the heat of such an emotional moment, and then what does and doesn't work in the aftermath. What's the goal? What's the plan to reach that goal? How do you do course-correction? How do you know when you need a course-correction?

I'm rambling a little, sorry, I am trying to focus on the now-that-you-know things that most books seem to skip over.

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Replies:

Interesting -- Kel, 11:32:04 05/27/16 Fri