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Date Posted: Sun, March 27 2022, 22:04:42
Author: Betsy BFS
Subject: QOTD for Monday, 3/28/22

I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I find I am spending more time being angry than any other time in my life. I'm sure it's all connected to the insanity in Ukraine, contentiousness in Washington that makes me embarrised to be an American, constant bombardment from all angles to give my opinions on every political stance, which I feel is totally inappropriate... there's a reason we vote privately. If I wanted to announce my political leanings, I'd hang a banner outside. Covid and all its spin-offs-- there's a happy train of thought.

When my children were young and living at home, when two or more kids were fighting, I had them sit facing each other, holding hands, and say something good about each other. They hated it, but I wanted them to learn to face their anger and hurt, not to bury it, and start to learn that the World was bigger than their own circle of self. No yelling. No negatives. One thing they could say that was positive. Did it work? Nah. It did give me a few minutes without fighting and taught my kids to fight where I couldn't hear them. Points for being a mother who taught their kids how to be a part of a group, function as a group, and learn how to forgive.
What it did teach them was how to be creative circumventing Mama.

At least I learned how smart they all were. They devised very cleaver, sneaky, involved plans on How To Out-Maneuver Mom. Maybe that did have some benefit. They sort of worked together to become sneaky little things. Not quite what I had in mind, but I'll take what I can get. Working as a group toward a common goal.

Getting back to forgiveness: The more experience I get in being a seasoned human, the more I see that forgiveness is not a one shot deal. Sometimes I have to make a decision each day to forgive people who have inserted horrid pieces into my life. Sometimes, I decide to carry anger for that day, and make a decision tomorrow how I want to feel. Kinda crazy, but it works for me. Carrying a lot of anger and resentment around eats my energy and makes me physically ill. Sometimes, I don't care about that. I want to wallow in my own resentment until I'm done with it for awhile. Forgiveness isn't absolution for the other person. It's for me, so I can accept that forgiveness makes me feel better and be a better human.

I saw a quote last summer that struck me deeply. It's not my own. and I'm not sure where I read it, but here it is: Secrets don't go away. They hide and collect interest. THAT'S an uncomfortable truth for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following quote is from 'Seven Stones to Stand or Fall,' by Diana Gabaldon, "The Space Between." Copyright © 2013, by Diana Gabaldon. All rights reserved.

He didn't recall any feeling of regret or fear, just astonishment. This was nothing, however, to the astonishment he'd felt when he regained his senses, naked on a stone slab in a revolting subterranium chamber next to a drowned corpse. Luckily, there had been no one alive in that disgusting grotto,and he made his way-- reeling and half blind, clothed in the drowned man's wet and stinking shirt-- out into a dawn more beautiful than and any twilight could ever be. So-- ten to twelve hours from the moment of apparent death to revival.

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Replies:

[> Going from a disgusting grotto to a dawn more beautiful than any twilight had ever been. All in the same sentence. DG is amazing. -- Betsy BFS, Sun, March 27 2022, 22:12:03


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[> [> So much description in that one sentence that we can feel, see and smell - the corpse's wet and stinking shirt also. -- DianaH, Mon, March 28 2022, 9:37:47


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[> BBS, I can appreciate your feelings about wanting to hold on to anger and resentment. I'm pretty easygoing and usually willing to forgive transgressions against me personally. But when someone close to me (especially one of my most beloved) is wronged, it can be very difficult for me to forgive. Mess with me if you must, but mess with mine, and the lion in me comes out. -- DianaH, Mon, March 28 2022, 9:42:08


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[> [> That's my biggest stumbling block as well. Sometimes I can decide to forgive someone who has hurt a loved one, just for one day. Some anger runs wayyyyy too deep. For one day, even half a day, gives me a break from carrying all that fury around. I can't sustain it for some people. Just can't. -- Betsy BFS, Tue, March 29 2022, 6:08:36


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[> [> [> Oh, I like that idea. Can I forgive someone for a day, or even a few hours to put down the burden for a rest. That's inspired, BBS. -- DianaH, Tue, March 29 2022, 7:08:50


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[> [> [> [> And is it really forgiveness when a loved one says “ I forgive you but I’ll never be able to forget it”? When you forgive, can or does it go in the past? -- Kathy in PA, Tue, March 29 2022, 9:58:26


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[> [> [> [> [> I believe it should be in the past. Otherwise It will be in the back of the mind and brought up at the most inappropriate time in the worst way. And gutting the person supposedly being forgiven. To forgive is to let it go - maybe for a short times until you let it go -- Margaret, Tue, March 29 2022, 16:01:09


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Thank you, Margaret; that’s what I think too. It is “forgive and forget” right? -- Kathy in PA, Tue, March 29 2022, 16:13:07


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