confused life -- NSYNC Skeedettes

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Date Posted: 08:46:49 05/12/01 Sat
Author: j-skee
Subject: confused life

Yet again ladies I am having one of my mental break downs as I like to call them. I have to learn to not allow things to bother me so much. Well actually I need to start learning to not allow my emotions to get away from me. Well really I should just shut my emotions down completely. This is something I have tried to learn to do well so that I don't allow myself to get hurt by anyone. But what happens I allow myself to start liking somebody and I'm not even sure that they like me. I'm not even sure I want to find out weather or not he does. The way my luck has been since the beginning of my life he probably doesn't like me the way that I like him. My luck with men is not even 50/50, it doesnt even exsist. As you guys might already know I am very picky about guys and it takes an awful lot for me to like someone and than allow myself to like them. The reason I have become even more guarded about my feelings with age is because I HATE rejection, and it has happened with every single guy that I have ever liked. This is not an exsageration, this is fact. Not one guy I have ever liked has liked me back that same way and if he has it was only for like 5 seconds and than it was over. That is why I am trying my best to shut off my feelings for Josh so that I don't allow myself to be a fool and let myself down thinking "Oh boy maybe he will be the one to break the trend". I know this story line from me is probably starting to get a little boring but it is 10:40 in the morning on saturday and Catherine is not up yet to talk to and I have to be at work at one and I don't know if she will be up by the time I leave for work. I kinda hope so because I was hopefully going to get her to maybe at least see if she can squeeze some info from him.

Wowie you guys are both going to try and go to the concert. Thats awesome. I was hopeing that you guys would get the chance to go. You will have lots of fun, I'm almost sure of it.

I love and miss you guys a whole bunch. Thanks so much for letting me get all my emotions and feelings out. Its nice to know that I have friends like you guys who don't mind my insanity (aka depression). I love ya.

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Replies:

first..(((hugs))) second we aren't "boerd" of your "story lines"! That is what we are here for! Vent away! I am sorry that it has to be so hard for you. You are such a awesome person and if any guy knew better he wouldn't let you get away! As lad de da has it sounds God knows, he getting a man ready for ya! Hopefully it will happens soon! Hope this made some sense, I am not feeling well and I just kinda woke up but I wanted to tell ya I love ya and I be praying for you =) (NT) -- A, 13:58:47 05/12/01 Sat
Looky here, my friend ---> -- Silver, 16:00:21 05/12/01 Sat
I know you guys are right but it doesnt make it any easier to be in my life at any point. I have never had a reason to be unhappy or depressed but the simple fact is that I am and I cant even control it. I hate feeling as thought I have no self worth and that the only people who are ever going to love me are my family and a hand full of friends........... -- j-skee, 23:26:06 05/12/01 Sat
- Kimmy.. -- A, 00:07:07 05/13/01 Sun
  - Thanks Anna!!!!!!! I have very seriously thought that my depression problems may not be just self inflicted hatred for myself but that it might be something I have not control over..... -- j-skee, 09:05:41 05/13/01 Sun
- I failed to mention that I still don't really know weather or not he likes me but there is a really huge ? (NT) -- j-skee, 08:41:23 05/13/01 Sun
Yet again I'm posting..... -- j-skee, 10:56:06 05/13/01 Sun