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Date Posted: 22:35:27 06/07/02 Fri
Author: Sherry
Subject: Katie
In reply to: Katie 's message, "Hey Sherry... I thought you were going to stop looking at the scale..." on 19:45:29 06/07/02 Fri

Give up my scale? For two weeks? Huh? That's almost as bad as someone suggesting I give up my computer for two weeks, I'm not sure I could stand the withdrawal symptoms...

I know the thing lies, I know it tells me things I don't always want to know, but without it I'm afraid I would get really off track. What if after two weeks I got on and it weighed me a lot heavier? How would I know what I had done wrong?

I know I said I was going to stop relying on it as my sole means of measuring, I know I said that my weight might even go up because of the weights I'm lifting... but did I ever say I wasn't going to look at the scale anymore? No never, I'm sure I wouldn't have said something like that.

It's not really the scale I get discouraged by anyway, I get discouraged with my body. It is trying so hard to hang on to weight that I want to lose. Even eating practically nothing doesn't make it let go of excess fat.

I get discouraged with myself too. It comes back down to the "rules" thing again. I make too many "rules" for myself and then find I'm unable to live with them all.

I have the rule about eating low carb, then the one about drinking enough water, and the other one about excercising, and add to that the one about getting enough calories (that is the hard one). Then that last rule I'm ambivalent about sometimes trying hard to eat enough calories and other days trying to eat practically NO calories.

With so many rules (one that contradicts itself) how can I ever feel the rewards of my efforts? Can't. And now you want me to add one about not looking at the scale for two weeks? uh uh, can't do it. I know better than to try and commit to that one, as soon as I did, I would break the committment and feel like I had cheated you.

It is my reinforcement. Sure it makes me crazy that I'm not losing as fast as I want to. But I guess the point is I have lost. 3 pounds this week if you go by this morning's weight. I know it is three pounds that can easily come back on, I know that it isn't permanently gone (even if I never want to see those three pounds again). I know it is probably water and that with only two weeks of cheating I could have all that back plus another 9 pounds.

I have been using a tape measure to check inches too, (no losses there either). I have said that I'm going to build muscle because I know that even if it makes my body go up in weight temporarily, it will help in the long run to lose this fat. I still plan to stick to that.

And you are right, allowing our moods to be affected by a number on a dial is just plain silly. Just silly.

But of course it isn't just the number is it? It is what it represents. It represents success or failure in achieving our goal. For me I need to know if I'm succeeding or failing. I need to know on a day by day basis, because I do know that scales can bounce up and down for no reason. If I weigh only once a week or once every two weeks, how do I know if I hit a low day or a high day?

I mean suppose I waited two weeks to weigh and my weight was lower and lower every day and then I hit one of those fluke days where the scale suddenly for no reason jumped 8 pounds (and it was gone the next). But that was the only day I had weighed, how would I know that it was a fluke and that I hadn't been steadily gaining it?

I think that the weekly weight averaging thing means more. It lets me know if I am on track in general. Allows room for ups and downs.

I've been keeping track of my weekly weight average and posting it on the database I set up for that. All week I was using Saturday's weight (which was higher) in the calculations and every day the average was falling a little lower. Today I used only Sunday through Friday for the average and the average dropped even more.

I was 232 on Sat, 230 on Sun, 231 on Mon, 230 on Tues, Wed and Thurs. and 229 on Friday. Drop off Saturday's weight (which was really last week anyway) and that puts my average for the week at 230 even.

To me this is a much more sane way of looking at it than not weighing for two weeks and then taking that one day's number as my "true" weight.

Am I obsessed with the scale? yes. With dieting and losing? yes. Am I making myself crazy? Probably.

But for me the alternative is to give up, and I don't dare do that. The only time I don't weigh every day is when I know I'm cheating and I expect the scale to be rising and I just don't want to see it. I'm afraid if I gave up the scale I would go into one of those modes.

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