- Divorced? So What! -- Prophetess Donna Midkiff, 08:34:00 05/30/00 Tue
So your divorced? So What! Even though you have experienced divorce, I wish to encourage you. God still has gifts and a calling for you to fulfill and cultivate. You only need to walk in repentance, die daily to your flesh and focus on Him. Allow Christ to lead you into His presence. He is not finished with you yet, just preparing you to be that mighty person of God He has called you to be. Don't look back, look upward. and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. God hates divorce because of how you respond to it, by nurturing anger or bitterness, or anything which will hinder Him to flow through you as a vessel of honor.
I have been divorced, but I have not allowed divorce to become a hindrance to my relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, (Yeshua) I am now walking in the office of my calling as a Prophetess, a long side of my Husband who is an Apostle, in spite of my past. My past is forgiven and forgotten according to the Word of God. I am blessed, because I am an overcomer. Praise the Lord.
You can be that overcomer, walking in repentance, prayer, and forgiveness and in perfect love that Christ commands of us.
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- I forgot to add... -- Denise, 12:09:43 09/12/00 Tue
I forgot to add that it will be 10 years that my husband and I have been married. We go married after two weeks of dating. He was married before me (a business marriage)to legalize someone in the country but he doesnt consider it having been a real marriage because it was never consumated.It was annulled he said.
Is this adultery on both of our parts?
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- Divorced Christians -- frog, 17:52:39 08/13/99 Fri
I find it hard sometimes to relate to others at my church because I am divorced. I became a christian in 1997, and divorced in 1999. My christian walk has not been since childhood, therefore, things seem different to me. I am so excited about the Lord, and these people almost seem melancholy about the greatest gift in the world. There are not many divoced people at our church (2) and the others sometimes act like we have the plague.
Any thoughts.....?
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- divorced -- janet, 06:14:06 04/22/01 Sun
I just whated to say,people are not our judge,God is, and Christian people should not judge you. God is love an as christians we should follow that.I think you should ask God to show you what to do in this.Maybe find a Church were, christian people are loving and kind. and know how christians are sopose to act.
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- Christian and Divorced is a conflict of terms! -- Psalmsong, 10:15:04 06/17/01 Sun
I have gone through a divorce. :o( My Ex husband and EX headdeacon of our church...slightly forgot about the "thou shalt nots" in the Bible. He had a girlfriend while married and then divorced me and then married her three months later. And kept seeing her, lying to the courts for 2 years while we were separated. Hello! I asked and others asked him what part of "thou shalt nots" don't you believe in anyway? All the time he'd say "we" are praying about this. Huh??? To who?? A little strange. The Lord has helped in the broken heart department. I and my children from a 22 year marriage are healing each day. The biggest things I learned with this is to keep in prayer and God's Word daily! I know I have to keep my "focus" on only the Lord! I believe(ed) that marriage is/was for life. I never even signed my divorce papers. How can God be so against the divorce and let men who are suppose to be pillars of the church break God's Words and take them and stomp over the Word of God as if it has no meaning anymore? I know sin can blinds people's eyes. I just know if I don't keep my focus on the Lord Jesus then I will fall away from Him, and church, too. I have been at this church 28 years. Married there, children were dedicated there, and it is tough. But, this church is important to my children (and me). But, the memories and a lot of hurts just don't disapear. Well, I have said too much. I guess, I ask for prayer for God to always be first in my life. Thanks for listening!
Psalmsong
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- Divorce -- Linda Fernandes, 10:56:14 04/10/01 Tue
I have seperated from my husband Cedric 6 years back and my marriage is annulled on 27/Jan/1999. I tried my level best to reconcile but in vain. I even appealed to Patriarchial court against the decision but he is very adament about the decision. He is living with a lady. I want to close this chapter even after annullment I waited for 2 years called him up on his birthdays. He says my voice irritates him a lot. Now I need to apply for divorce on Mutual understanding. I dont want any allegations against him. I want to file the divorce in India. Please help me by suggesting the grounds. We both are staying in Dubai. How long it will take to get Divorce. I need your help very desperately. Please help me in my case.
Regards
Linda
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- 12 years -- paul, 01:56:37 02/13/00 Sun
im christian for 18 years and married for 12.
Its fair I continuous sad in my relationship because I can not divorce ?
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- Help -- Denise, 12:03:38 09/12/00 Tue
Shortly, after a rough, going nowhere relationship with the father of my first child, I met a man whom I got saved through, and married two months later in court. I just wanted to get married a be a wife to someone, he was comforting at times. I never questioned my desperation.
I have been separate from my husband for 3 years. This, after having been bitterly attacked emotionally and physically, cheated on with a few women, made to support my children alone (he wouldn't go find a job), sleep on a mattress on the floor, and being without gas for the stove because of financial deficit. Even though I earned the money he would control how it was spent. I had to ask for my money to buy myself a bottle of perfume. I gave this man numerous chances. Going back and forth with him without change has almost but driven me crazy.
To keep my sanity and not end up at 50 with regrets I decided that it was time that I made a decision - no matter what my husband would say to change my mind. I,had to move on with my life. He seems to have gained a perspective on the wrong he has done. He proclaims to love me so much now, and tells everyone about me, when beforem - he use to deny me. He begs, pleads, even cries. He still doesnt have a job, doesnt look, and doesnt have a work history to get one with. He acts like he's afraid to pick up the newspaper.
Moreover, now that I've matured I don't have any love for him anymore. He could be a good friend but I cant dredge up any intimacy and can't stand to be touched by him. I spent so much time trying to gain acceptance and love from him in the beginning of the marriage, that I kept smothering the feelings that I had for him - that I didn't really feel like I loved him. He should have been a brother to me not a husband. Now his chances with me are even less because I enjoy being without him (without having once taken up company with another man). I just go to work and come home to care for my children. I feel at peace.
I'm afraid that if I give him another chance, I wont be able to love him, and I will have a hard time getting him out of the house. As it is, he never honored the separation and comes over to my house and meets me at my job when I ask him not too. I feel no peace when he is around because his life is like a whirlwind.
He said that if I divorce him I will be sinning against God and nothing will go right for me ever again. Me, I wanted more children and I'm afraid that I will never find anyone to love me again. That is why I'd go back - only. And because of God. But I feel no peace when I deal with him. I also feel sorry for him but I don't want that to influence my decision.
Can someone give me some advice.
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- The deception after divorce. -- firey_eagle, 12:44:35 07/26/01 Thu
Hi, I hope this will be a blessing in some way for all who can identify and have gone through the struggle of feeling loneliness in their life.
My deception, I have to admit, that I was stubborn and buried my self deep into the things of God. Which was ok to some extent. But I allowed it to get out of balance to the point of building a wall within. A wall that wouldn't allow man to get near me. A wall that deprive me of the very need and desire of affection from man.
So I urge all that are single again... who are putting up a spiritual front that you don't have need of anyone, to come clean with your self and get free of your deception. Inside you are screaming out for that special partner. And to appear strong on the out side you just say things like, I have the gift of celibacy. Well, God's will, God's timing. Oh I'm to old to re-marry, or I've been married to many times already.
In my opinion, It's God's will for you to be happy! Well' Paul I say's ... Yes, I know... What ever state you are called .... walk in it! In my opinion, for what ever that's worth, I say if you are having any thoughts of the opposite gender, and a desire for their affection; You just may not have that calling to be single as you though you had. And if you are confusing your desire to be true to God till that partner comes, with the true calling to be single. It's ok! I've been there! Living a celibate life is a life style for a Christian single. But don't be confused that just because God has helped you sustain those desires, that He wants you to be single all you life.
It is very rare in God's word that someone has devoted their life to celibacy. And when they did, it was for a great cause of special service unto the Lord. Take Jephthahs' tragic vow for instance, in Judges 11:29-40. The daughter paid a big price of life celibacy due to her fathers vow to God.
Now, Let's see how hard it is to live a life of celibacy. Go to Judges 13 - 16, and see the behavior of Samson and all his short comings. He was called to live a life of celibacy as a Nazarene.
Other Men of God called to this special life of celibacy were Samuel and John the Baptist. (Speaking of the "term"
As a Nazareth, they had to renounce the use of all vine products such as wine, was prohibited to cut their hair, and was celibate.)
In Genesis 2: 1 81 God said, it is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. And so the scriptures say, God made woman and brought her to him to be one in equableness; in their holy union.
And by the way while I'm in the same chapter, In verse 19 God made the animals. Paraphrased, it states that Adam did not feel content with the animals. That's when God made Eve. Adam was pleased and spoke a poem to her in verse 23. So, you ask what's my point? Your fooling no one but your self if you try to use an animal to cover up the fact that you're lonely. And what you know will really make you happier is a spouse.
There's more I could say, But I'll stop before I write a book. Tee Hee! I love you all, and I know you hurt. So why don't some of you start asking God to destroy those walls that you have built within you self. With Jesus being our happiness; allow Him to bring total restoration to your past hurt and wounds so you can move on to greater things God has planed for you; to bring extra happiness in your life. As for me... I'm open... not looking...and waiting with expectancy and anticipation for that perfect partner to be placed in my life. See my post, Tips for the perfect partner.
In His Presence,
Janice :-))
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- Tips for finding the perfect partner -- firey_eagle, 13:01:09 07/26/01 Thu
The first thing to do is to sit down with pen and paper and think about exactly what you're looking for in a partner. The Spirit qualities are the most important especially if you are looking for a Christian and wish to walk closely with the Lord and work for Him. Tell the Lord what you'd like him/her to like. Maybe you'd like someone who's already in the ministry so you can minister with them. If you have a burden to work with young people maybe you could ask for someone who is in children's ministry so that you would complement them.
Mental or emotional aspects come next. What do you want him/her to be like? Strong and macho, or loving and gentle? Do you want him/her to be a strong leader? Then you can include desires about what he/she must be like, generally. Maybe you want someone who likes skiing so you can enjoy the snow together, or if you enjoy outdoor life you can ask for someone who likes doing the same thing.
Express your desires in the negative sense too. For example, if you absolutely loathe sports it's not going to be good if your partner is a sports coach and is constantly at baseball games. If you do not want something, then make it known on the list as well. Remember, you're beginning to form a picture of what you want, and when you have a clear picture in your mind then your faith can begin to form in a much better and quicker way.
Physical aspects come last, but they are nevertheless important. Must your partner be tall or short, blond or dark-haired? What color must his/her eyes be? Maybe you want someone who's pretty slim and trim, or perhaps you want a well-built, strong, muscular person who likes working out and being fit. Just write it down as you think of it, and begin to visualize him in your mind.
To one friend of mine, the physical side wasn't a major factor to her. He was a bit shorter than what she was used to, but it wasn't a big problem for her. She knew he was the right person and a few inches height difference didn't matter. She wasn't going to reject him just for this reason. It depends on you, though. You have to make the choice as to whether you accept or reject who you meet. The Lord will never force it on you.
When you've written all of these things down, take the paper, hold it up to the Lord and read out what you've written down. Say something like this. ...Lord, I'm asking you for a husband, and these are the things that I desire in him/her... then read out the list. Now stick it up on a wall or place where you will continually see it. Sometimes the fridge door is a good place or next to your computer. Review your list out loud daily, preferably morning and night, and thank the Lord that He's heard you and given you your heart's desire.
To make it more powerful, you can add some scripture promises to it, like ...Whatsoever things you desire, when you pray believe that you receive them and you shall have them... You can quote that scripture, then read out your list and say, ...In the Name of Jesus I thank you Lord that I have received my husband from you. He/she is ... and then read off the list you've made up. Remember, too, to visualize him/her as you speak out your list. Let's face it, if the Lord brings someone your way and you haven't got a mental picture in your mind of who you want, how will you know if he's/she's the right person or not?
As you continue to do this you may not feel anything building up inside of you, and at times it may seem that you aren't likely to meet anyone because your circumstances seem to be pointing that way, but don't give up. One day, suddenly, you will know without a shadow of a doubt that you have your desire. It's kind of like a cork suddenly popping off a bottle. You just suddenly know you have him. The angels are working continually, and the Lord is directing things that you cannot see to bring about this desire. You just have to trust Him because He is working on it for you.
When you reach that point of knowing it is no longer necessary to confess your list unless you want to review it just for yourself, You should have a pretty good picture of what you want in your partner by now. Now all you have to do is thank the Lord and await His perfect timing to meet. Sometimes it can take a long time depending on what you're asking for and how fussy you are. When a lady friends step-daughter prayed for her husband it took 3 years before she got her desire, and she had to move overseas for it to happen. I'm not saying this is what will take place with you, but the Lord could make a way for you to move your location or job in order to fulfil your desire. Just be open to His leading.
In 1989, one lady I knew felt like her world would fall apart after the death of her first husband in January of that year. She had tended to rely on him a lot and he'd always helped her with decision- making and taking charge of things, so now all of a sudden she was on her own and responsible for things that would happen. It was really hard for her to come to grips with things, but it didn't take long for her to decide that she wanted another husband .She really believed that the Lord could give her one and felt she could ask Him for one because she knew He cared about her and wanted the best for her. However, at that time she didn't know what she does now about exercising her faith. The only thing she knew she must do is ...to be specific.
In His Presence,
Janice
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- I need some advice quickly -- Lynn, 09:44:23 07/05/01 Thu
I don't know what to do. I've really messed up big time.
All the way around. Last year I married my college sweetheart, whom I had not been around in 8 years. I sold my house, quit my job and left my family and moved 2500 hundred miles away to be with him. I knew he still loved me and I was totally in love with that fact, not so much him I think. But I wanted to be married so badly.
Well, he is providing for us financially through illegal means. Yes, I knew it when I married him, but of course, I was told he would quit and I thought I could ignore it. The more I got into the Word the worse I felt about my marriage and his lifestyle. But it's amazing even when we're trying to get closer to God how one sin can end up opening the door to another.
Anyway, despite our many conversations on how I felt about what he was doing I increasingly became more and more depressed and withdrawn. Despite having found a church here and throwing myself headfirst into the scriptures sin and temptation found their way into my life again. I ended up committing adultery. I feel absolutely horrible and it's tearing me apart inside. But I still want to pack it up and go back home. He says he'll quit, but together as a couple, I'm miserable and it's not fair to him. I don't know if he's cheated on me, but he told me that he stayed with an old girlfriend on a trip to see his son. He says nothing happened and his son was with him. The sad part about this is my mind has overridden my heart. I see things more clearly now. He's putting me in danger by doing what he's doing and I no longer want to be a part of his lifestyle. I was doing just fine by myself, plus I'm terribly terribly homesick. Being here, is doing me no good emotionally or physically. There are plenty more details to fill in but this is the short, condensed whole version. Please advise. I so want to serve God but I truly no longer want to be in my marriage. The guilt is eating me alive. I know God still loves me and forgives me. The only biblical grounds I have for divorce is the fact that I'm the one who committed the adultery. He's breaking the law, but it's me who's tormented daily for both his sin and mine. I'm also tormented because I know what I've done is wrong, but everyone says to forgive myself and say nothing to him about my part in all this. It would only hurt him more. So, therefore being the guiltier party, I feel like I should just go.
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- divorced and remarried -- Lynn, 05:27:30 04/18/01 Wed
We believe in head covering for women, trying to find others like us that believe in the same, that also have been divorced and remarried. most churches that have beliefs in head covering dont accept divorce. Anyone out there in our situation?
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- Sunglasses? Anyone? -- Woc Man, 02:47:14 01/02/02 Wed
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- divorced -- daniel, 19:37:29 04/11/01 Wed
ive been divorced for 6 years and i have problems everyday with it. i have never remarried. my wife did very shortly after our divorce. i loved her and still find myself loving her. i know what a sin is and when a man looks upon a woman in the wrong manner. but tell me why is it when i look upon her i feel no shame as if i have not sinned. it is not so much my lust for her it is longing to talk to her now. i guess i never gave up my vows sickness health rich or poor. it meant so much to me when i got married
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- Divorce -- William, 19:46:38 09/04/02 Wed
It looks as if we have a problem with divorce, Recently my wife of ten years decided that our marriage was at an end.
Funny thing love all but the love of god is in a constant state of change, Gods love is always, well as you can believe this was a shock but wait theres more, only one of our three children was actually mine, now the bond between myself and these three is strong, so what am I to do, she told me that the biological father wishes nothing to do with them, and she has lied to me for years, but I love these children and only wish to remain in their lives as a
father, but financially I cannot afford to support them,
as a father, but wiat theres more, the biological father whom wishes nothing to do with them is now paying child support for the two, this makes it possible for me to pay support on my child and to be in the lives of the other two,
please pray that the lord will continue to intervene and guide me in the steps needed to complete this divorce and
keep me in the lives of these children, so they will be able to see a little of him in me, looking forward to church with my children sunday.
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- divorcing -- Brenda, 11:33:12 04/15/01 Sun
I have just separated from my husband.(3 weeks) He has been an alcoholic for over ten years and refused to quit drinking. We were married for 25 yrs. I moved to a new town, had to get a minimum wage job. (I haven't worked in 10 years) I've always believed that divorce was wrong, but I felt that was my only option. Now I feel so alone financially desperate, and scared.
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- Christians and Divorce -- Mindy, 17:57:09 04/17/03 Thu
My husband and I have been married for 17 years. I have been a strong believer since I was 15. When we first got married we were very young and I already had a child. I was everyones angel and favorite until I got preg. that was my big sin. I met my husband on a blind date and thought he was my soul mate. He started abusing me almost immediatly, after sending me to the hospital I sent him to jail. We got back together after 9 months, He started to verbally abuse me a few months later, I stayed with him all these years because I do not feel Christians should get a divorce. I finally got a job 2 years ago and things (I thought) were going very well. He left one week ago and I really do not know why. I know God is in total control and if he wants us together we will be. When we learn to wait for what God wants us to have we always get what is best. I for one do not care about material things, I just want to be loved, in love and serving God. I was always told I put God first to often, I probably do, it was my way of staying safe. I have 4 woderful kids who are totally sold out for Christ and that is my blessing. God is in control
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- Christians and Divorce -- Mindy, 17:57:10 04/17/03 Thu
My husband and I have been married for 17 years. I have been a strong believer since I was 15. When we first got married we were very young and I already had a child. I was everyones angel and favorite until I got preg. that was my big sin. I met my husband on a blind date and thought he was my soul mate. He started abusing me almost immediatly, after sending me to the hospital I sent him to jail. We got back together after 9 months, He started to verbally abuse me a few months later, I stayed with him all these years because I do not feel Christians should get a divorce. I finally got a job 2 years ago and things (I thought) were going very well. He left one week ago and I really do not know why. I know God is in total control and if he wants us together we will be. When we learn to wait for what God wants us to have we always get what is best. I for one do not care about material things, I just want to be loved, in love and serving God. I was always told I put God first to often, I probably do, it was my way of staying safe. I have 4 woderful kids who are totally sold out for Christ and that is my blessing. God is in control
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- divorcing christian -- Heather, 12:27:36 04/28/03 Mon
I have been married for 9 years. During that time he abused drugs with his ex girlfriend, and has been emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive to me and our son. He has also threatened physical abuse, and may have sexually assaulted our son. ( this was reported and not followed up on by CPS. We are currently separated. ( this is the fourth time I have left)I have filed for divorce. He claims that he is a christian except when he deals with me. Am I being unreasonable? Please share your thoughts.
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- divorce -- michelle, 17:51:10 05/22/03 Thu
I am currently going through a divorce. Years ago I did not feel I loved my husband anymore, but prayed a bunch and acted as though I did still love him. I chose to do loving things and eventually the love came back. Unfortunately, in later years my husband was having an affair which I was unaware of. I asked him to get counseling but he was unwilling. I do believe our marriage could have been saved. I urge you and your husband to seek Christian counsel with a trained Christian counselor. Your mariage could very well be saved. A recent study says of those surveyed who were contemplating divorce, five years later they were glad they did not divorce. Any marriage can and often will become tired and stressed. Don't give up easily. Remember the good times you had and what made you love that person in the first place.
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- lying husband -- Mary, 09:42:51 05/27/03 Tue
My husband went to Cancun Mexico late Friday late, he lie to me about where he was going, we discuss this vacation that he and his friends were talking about and agree that this would not be a good thing, the women, parties and drinking, my husband is not saved so he is open up for Satan attacks, I feel betrayal and I am in this deep dark hole that is hoovering over me, I can't think but negative thoughts about him and the women over there. I know within my heart our marriage is damage and I know that I am going to have trouble even looking in his face, I want to leave so badly, just to stop this hurt, please help me, I don't know what to do
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- I'm trapped... -- Katie, 13:35:06 10/16/03 Thu
I have been married for four years. Two weeks before we were to get married I went to my mom and told her I do not think he is the right one for me. She told me that it was too late, because she had put too much money into it and invitations have been sent out. We were married 2 weeks later and it has been very devasting to me. My husband just resigned a youth pastor position and he is now looking for a pastor position to work in a church. I feel like we should really concentrate on our marriage, but he doesn't think so. I KNOW divorce is wrong, but I cannot live with this man anymore. I have been struggling with this for 3 of our four years together. People keep telling us that it is going to get better, and it is getting worse. I read my Bible and Pray constantly, but my husband makes me feel so useless. We have gone to numerous counselors, and I feel like I am the only one working on this. Once, I mentioned divorce, and he is totally against it, but I cannot live 50 more years living in this situation. Please help.
~Kate
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- Re: can't move on from hurt -- Tye, 07:25:52 11/13/03 Thu
I am in the same situation. My wife and I separated last Feb. she had an affair with her boss and I caught them. She lied to me and betrayed our marriage and family. We have 4 boys total. You know the blended family scenario. Well, we've tried to reconcile, but it seems she doesn't feel she ever did anything wrong. She says she didn't cheat because we were separated at the time. The only problem is that I was completely un-aware that we were separated to that degree. I tried from the day she made me leave to fix our marriage. I have tried everything that I know of. She has this "I owe her" attitude. I bought her a $1000.00 dog. We have looked at and talked about purchasing her a new ring. The ones she like are $6000.00 and ^. I am so messed up inside and so confused as to what her motives are; I just don't know what to do anymore.
If you have any advice for me, please share. I could use the help.
Thanks,
Tye
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- Divorce its wwhat i need to do now -- Dawn, 03:03:29 12/17/03 Wed
I have been married for 14 years and together with my husband for 17 years, since iwas 15.he used to be violent and when i told him i would leave Him when after many years of it all he stopped but the pushing and name calling and swearing still continued. I know divorce is wrong but now after all these years my love has run out, we have 3 children and i love him as a friend now and no moreI cannot feel love for him at all, I have covered over his sin to me and always made him not worry about it because i forgave him everytime and everytime he would swear or throw things at me a little bit more died, now I am so dead. I have prayed for it to come back but it wont ..I dont want him anymore and feel sad at how i feel but it wont change, I know many wont agree with me ....so shall i leave the mask on forever, he knows how I feel and keep letting this cycle of abuse continue ....because it will!!!!!!
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- is my marriage over? -- maureen, 13:48:55 02/25/04 Wed
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED JUST OVER 5 YEARS, and im embarrased to say there has always been a problem with full sexual intercourse in our marriage,it was always very painful for me and so after a shorttime my husband gave up and it was never mentioned and he stopped trying and i blocked out the problem.anyway we buried our selves in out respective works mine was very high pressured and demanding long hours,but a few months ago i noticed my husbands distance and just b4 xmas he announced he no longer loved me and the marriage was over and then everything cameout about how unhappy he had been for years. i wish we had communicated sooner as i titally blame myself i had a very difficult childhood and abviously have a difficulty showing love but i love my husband soo much and do not want to lose him he is still here in the house and still comes to me and has foreplay and then tells me its still over as he cant forgive and is so bitter towards me, im so confused and hes sending mixed messages
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- Very Guilty -- Sara, 12:54:05 03/30/04 Tue
I married my husband because we had a child together, and I felt that was the right thing to do. We moved 3 states away from my family to be near his family who hates me. When we moved here he was physically violent with me twice, and I did not leave because I had no where to go. Things got better, and we have been here for a couple of years.
I recently left my husband to be with a man I met and fell in love with at work. I am struggling so bad with feelings of guilt because I know divorce is wrong, and my husband had been good to me in the last days of our marriage. He has moved back home and he calls me all the time trying to reconcile. I feel like I should go back to him, even though I can't imagine being truly happy if I made that decision. I am in love, and happy now, but Unbelievably guilty, and suffering emotionally over this. I feel so alone, and scared. I want to be happy, and I want my husband to be happy, I just don't know how that is supposed to work. We are both christians, he has renewed his luke warm faith since the separation, and I have started attending church. I don't know what to do. I want so much to be happy, and not hurt anymore people.
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- Christians and divorce -- Nancy, 10:23:27 05/01/01 Tue
I'm currently separated from my husband of 22 years. Over the years, his apathy and lack of companionship in our relationship have brought me to a point where I don't love him anymore. I am considering divorce, but am really struggling with God's view on it. My question is--is divorce forgivable in the eyes of God? What about re-marriage after divorce?
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- Going on 7 years -- Alana, 05:29:41 12/04/04 Sat
I have been married for 6 years going on 7 and I have been separated from my husband three times there has been adultery in the marriage and all we do is constantly argue everyday. I am so angry with him all the time and recently it has gotten worse. I can't talk to him and feel alone in my marriage. We have had counseling throughout our marriage and now I just can't go through anymore. I want a divorce for my peace of mind.But I feel so guilty because I want God to be pleased with ,y life yet I know he is not pleased with the way our marriage is going and the arguing in fron of our kids please help?
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- Christians and child support -- Darci, 10:41:48 12/21/04 Tue
I am writing to ask what people believe about getting child support from a non-custodial parent. If the parent refuses to pay, is it biblical to fight tooth and nail with them or should you give it over to God to handle. My ex is not a Christian but I am. I know that we live by two different standards of behavior. I don't know what to do. I need to support my kids.
Does what Jesus says about turning the other cheek apply here?
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- About getting over the guilt -- Ms. Tucker, 12:32:13 03/20/05 Sun
You do deserve love and it is good to be married to someone who could be a spiritual leader in your household. However, if you are still married (even though you are separated) you are committing the sin of adultry. If you don't have divorce papers in your hand you are still tied to your husband. That is why you feel guilty, because a Christian has a conscience. They know right from wrong and can't ignore when they're wrong (though some sure try!) If you and this other man share something for real then he should be willing to not see you anymore until you are divorced. If he is truly the one God intended for you he should not mind the wait. He would know that it is well worth it. You have to be certain that the lack of love from your unsaved husband doesn't start to drag you down with him and cause you to act as the unsaved do. You know what the word says about adultry. So don't ignore the word and proclaim that you are a Christian in the same breath. Pray for your husband. God can turn anyone around and change their heart. You have to have faith.
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- can't move on from hurt -- meme, 08:23:43 09/29/02 Sun
I've been separated for one year after seven years of marriage. Three years ago my husband committed adultery during a brief separation. He admitted it after we reconciled and promised not to do it again. It never stopped. He continued to see her over the next several years, taking her on trips, buying her gifts, meeting her for dinner and so on. I know all this because I spoke with his mistress after things ended and she told me. I lost all love and respect for him and decided to leave . it was very difficult; he did everything for me. I didn't even have to work. It's still difficult at times and I often wake up in the night crying. I can't understand how someone who promised to spend their life with me and cherish me could betray and deceive me; and all the while pretend everything was o.k.
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- Remarry the same person? -- John, 18:56:28 09/29/05 Thu
You say that you believe that God has a plan for you to remarry your husband who divorced you? Why would you want to be with him? This sounds unhealthy. In the end, what will be the fruit of it if you suffer through an unhappy relationship? Treasures in heaven? A bad relationship may hold you back from what you might accomplish in Christ. For example, drug addiction and mental illness can be a severe drain on emotions and as a result lead to co-dependency that can crush a persons life. I don't it would be wise to trade a healthy life for one of suffering in a bad realtionship. Please be careful. I think you should forget this person, except in prayer, and move on to better things.
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- Christians and Divorce -- Steve Collier, 03:19:54 09/19/01 Wed
I have read the messages posted here and my spirit has been filled with love for everyone who is or has been divorced. I was in my mid twenties when I thought I met my life mate. I had never been married, and grew up with a Christian Mother, and have always felt that God had called me for something special. My wife and I married too quickly, but I thought I had found my soulmate. She had two children, her first by a very early marriage and her second by a relationship. Both were very young when we married in 1996. She came from parents who had both married and divorced many times since she was a child, but who *say* they are Christian's. Our marriage has been rocky, because of the baggage she brought to the relationship, and my inability to deal with this, which resulted in anger and frustration. Her idea of marriage is so different from mine..and this past July we separated again(not legally just physically). She is living with her father, and they belive it is fine for her to date other men, including one she has a child by. Although I realized no matter what I did she was not satisfied with our life together, and I could not provide the material things she wants from life, I tried to save my marriage. It has not worked, and if not for God I would not want to live. I know that on some level this marriage must not be in His plan for me, but it is so difficult. All I ever wanted was a wife who would be my soul mate in all things. I am very loving and affectionate, and very verbal. My daughter is four years old and I want her to grow up in a Christian family, not being passed between her mother and I and whatever man is in her mother's life from time to time. I would like to raise my daughter, Patience, myself, and could do so if I had transportation to take her to daycare, church, etc. however I have only a motorcycle for transportation at present. I am very liberal about women working, and having their own friends, but want a close family unit that does the simple things together and having the expensive material things are unimportant. I am beginning to wonder if there are women out there who feel as I do about God coming first in a relationship, and the marriage partner next, as the Bible tells us. I would like to hear some women't perspectives on this. Several of the men I work with are divorced or in the process of divorce, but I do not know any women who are. Thanks, Steve
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- marriage help -- Dawn, 12:17:11 12/26/05 Mon
I am a christian woman who is married to a non-believer. I am constantly being pushed out of his life for alcohol, and one imparticular friend. This friend also lives with us and when I tell my husband we need our alone time. He just gets angry. I don't feel like I can go on with or without him what should I do? He will choose this friend over me anytime too.
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- Divorce Recovery -- akin merino, 16:17:18 05/19/06 Fri
Are there any women like me out there who have recovered or recovering from the pain, agony and stigma of divorce and wouldn't mind sharing their story in a book I'm writing?
Divorce is the big elephant is some of our churches - noone wants to talk about it but its not going away with 50 -60% divorce rate among Christians. Most churches are not sure if God can use a divorcee...
The focus of my book is that God specializes in healing the wounded and using the broken. So if you're one of the healed and useful vessels, please don't hesitate to share your story with the world. Your anonymity will be protected if you so choose. Please spread the word for this project.
You can respond - divorce@saviorsfaith.org
In Him,
akin
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- Divorce Recovery -- akin merino, 16:18:28 05/19/06 Fri
Are there any women like me out there who have recovered or recovering from the pain, agony and stigma of divorce and wouldn't mind sharing their story in a book I'm writing?
Divorce is the big elephant is some of our churches - noone wants to talk about it but its not going away with 50 -60% divorce rate among Christians. Most churches are not sure if God can use a divorcee...
The focus of my book is that God specializes in healing the wounded and using the broken. So if you're one of the healed and useful vessels, please don't hesitate to share your story with the world. Your anonymity will be protected if you so choose. Please spread the word for this project.
You can respond - recovery@saviorsfaith.org
In Him,
akin
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- Guilt and separation/divorce -- Mae, 11:04:37 01/21/04 Wed
I am really struggling here with alot of guilt. I have been married for 28 years and recently separated. This is not the first time we've separated, there have been many others,(short term). He was controlling and mentally abusive through out our marriage. I stayed for my children and felt it was the "right" thing to do. I was very involved in my church and he was not. He is not a Christian. When I left last year for a few months, I had decided that I was NOT going back this time, however I did. I went back into the marriage and did see some change in his behavior, however gradually I say the return of his old self. Became friends in an online bereavement site (I'd had a multitude of deaths in my family ). I found great support there, which I was not receiving from my husband. There was another Christian that lost someone and eventually we realized that we were both Christians. We became very good friends, and helped one another alot to deal with our non-supportive spouses and leaned on one another. This particular support group had a meeting in another city, which I attended. Here I met many of my friends along with my Christian friend. We immediately connected and our friendship built, we than fell in love. Neither of us were looking for that to happen. We just grew closer. I have left my husband again, and am dealing with extreme guilt, because of this other man, whom I love dearly and treats me as God intended. We pray together, we say positive things to one another. He allows me to be myself . I've never known what true and genuinie love is, until I met this man. My husband would never show love to me. I don't think he ever in our 28 years together said "I love you" or if I tried to hold his hand, he would push me away. I was starved emotionally for love.
I don't know if I will ever overcome this guilt. I have never been so happy as when I am with this man, and feel my walk with God is growing stronger because of his faith. How do I overcome this guilt ? How do I allow myself to believe that I deserve to be loved? Please help me understand myself.
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- struggling with guilt over divorce -- misty, 14:43:40 09/21/00 Thu
i married a younger believer and my entire marriage has been a real struggle. he has separated and filed for divorce without any biblical grounds other than he just doesn't want to put the effort into making our marriage work.
i've been a believer for a long time and it's been ingrained in me that christians don't divorce.
i feel as though i am under sooo much guilt and condemnation.
i really need help.
thanks.
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- Skin cancer - basal cell carcinoma -- Knut Holt, 13:53:12 01/20/14 Mon
About the Common Cancer of the Skin - Basal Cell Carcinoma
-------------------------------------------------------
Basal cell carcinoma is a very common type of skin canser. It affects mainly people after 50. It remains usually in the skin and develops usually so slow that it never gets life threatening, but over time it can destroy large skin areas.
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Basal cell carcinoma is the most common type of all cancers. It is said to attack 30% of all persons some time in life. However, it probably occur in most persons to some degree if one gets old enough. 80% of the occurances are on the head and neck
It grows very slowly and does very seldome spread to other parts of the body than the skin. Therefore it does not threaten the life of the patient, but can destroy large skin areas, give serious cosmetic problems and cause a high degree of discomfort. The cancer is higly variable and it is sometimes difficult to distinguish between this type of cancer and the more dangerous skin cancer, malignant melanoma, so all unnormal growth in the skin should therefore be investigated.
By basal cell carcinoma the lowest cells in the outer skin layer, the basal cells, get unnormal and begin to divide uncontrolably. The cells will spread upwards and to all sides, but more selldom downwards to lower areas of the skin. Indiviual cells only very selldom spread by blood and lymph to remote areas.The cancer is therefore often confined to the epidermis but can also infiltrate deeper layers of the skin. The basal cells are those that normally divide and make replacement for the outer cells of the epidermis, but then in an orderly fashion.
Basal cell carcinoma often appear as irregular lunps that grow and spread at the surface of the skin. It can also appear as irregular flakes of variable thickness that spread on the skin or like thickened scars. The growths can be pale, pearly or shiny, but can also be red or brownish. Sometimes sores develop in the cancerous tissues, and sometimes the cancer appear mainly as sores, often with thicker rims that are spreading.
The types appearing as lumps, so-called nodular basal cell carcinoma, can often be diagosed only from the appearance. Other types must be diagosed by taking a biopsi under local anesthesia to get a certain diagosis, because early occurances very often resamble other types of skin lessions and skin cancers.
Excessive sun exposure is a causing factor of this cancer. Genatic predisposition is another causing factor. People with pale skin get in more easily than people with darker skin. Two thirds of the occurances are on skin surfaces often exposed to the sun.
Basal cell carcinoma can often be prevented by avoiding excessive sun exposure. If one wants to or has to expose the skin for prolonged sunshine, one must use a protective cream with a high shielding factor. for people with eccessive damage in the skin due to sun exposure, cytostatica is sometimes used to prevent the damage to develop further to cancer.
Treatment of basal cell carcinoma is successful in most cases, but it can be difficult to remove all the cancer tissue when it has spread wide or there are many cancerous spots. Bacause the cancer is not usually a life-threatening disease, the method used will often depend upon possible cosmetic results, cost and time duration for treatment.
Surgical excission has been a standard treatment of the disease. For small lessions that do not invade the skin, it is a very simple and succesful treatment.
Chemotherapy with locally applied cystostatica is a simple treatment method with cure rates of 70-90% . The agents most often used are 5-fluorouracil and imiquimod. The drug visimodegib has newly come into use for this disease for recurring occurance and when the cancer has spread to other organs..
Radiation therapy is a traditional treatment with a high degree of success, but used excessively it will damage normal tissue too. It is usually used where it will be complicated to remove the cancer with surgery or where surgery will give bad cosmetic effects. It is often combined with some degree of surgery.
Cryosurgery is destroying the cancer tisue by freezing. Is successful in most cases, but it is difficult to controle the effects of the treatment so that too much normal skin can destroyed by the freezing.
Photodynamic therapy is a newly developed method to treat basal-cell carcinoma. By this methods substances that change the chemical structure when illuminated are applied to the skin. One lets the substance stay on some time to spread into the skin. Then light with the approprtiate frequencies is directed towards the area that is treated. Methyl aminolevulinate is a photosensitizer approved for use in many countries. This therapy is also used in other skin cancer types. The method is mostly used in complicated and extended cases of skin cancer.
By electrodessication and curettage the surface of the affected area is scraped by an appropriate tool. Then the sraped area is heated by elctric current applied to te area, which softens the underlaying tissue. Then the underlaying tissue is scraped. The cycle of scraping and burning is repeated some times. The method is easy to use, but doe not allways give good cosmetic results. It is therefore mostly used at seurfaces where the apearance is not so important.
The herb Euphorbia peplus contains substances that seem to enhance the immune reponce towards the canser and topical drugs with these substances are under development.
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