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Date Posted: 22:05:02 11/30/11 Wed
Author: OldSpice
Author Host/IP: 184-96-243-164.hlrn.qwest.net / 184.96.243.164
Subject: Re: Question for OS
In reply to: WJ 's message, "Question for OS" on 16:13:41 11/30/11 Wed

Of course! But I wasnt. I was just a hippie stoner. Stupid and convinced of my own immortality, my ability to destroy myself in myriad ways and come out smiling. Thing is, I did come out smiling, and Brian didnt. I didnt wise up till after my hysterectomy in 1993, just shy of 49. No drugs, but mass stupidity certainly was on my menu. Ive thought about this a lot, especially while writing my book. I had to go back, dig deep, and really examine things and myself from 1966-1969 in particular, and what I found was interesting. Yes, if I knew then what I know now, I do think I could have helped him, but whether he would have listened is another question. Brian was stubborn and willful, and sort of predisposed to self destruction, although thats not the phrase I want. I cant bring up the word Im looking for. Brian had this premonition of an early death, he spoke of it and we rambled on about it often. He said he had actually seen his death and it involved water and it didnt scare him because to him it seemed natural. At the time it was just one of those things that everybody went on about. There was really a lot of that kind of talk back then. Very 60s hippie mystic sort of stuff you were expected to reply to with a "groovy, man" sort of comment. Imagine how it felt when he actually drowned! Cant describe all that went through my head that day. But I will say that somehow I knew it was right, that for Brian it was right, I mean. So I dont know if I had been then who I am now I could have changed that for him. He just really believed it and one of the things Ive learned is that there is a lot out there, and a lot more inside the human mind that we just dont know much about. Brian was psychic and connected to some other place. Does that make sense? Its hard to put into words. But its why I ended my book the way I did. I think Brian would have appreciated that ending. Its magic, like he was.

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