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Date Posted: 17:11:17 08/07/11 Sun
Author: OldSpice
Author Host/IP: 184-96-215-112.hlrn.qwest.net / 184.96.215.112
Subject: Re: Old Spice
In reply to: Brut 33 's message, "Old Spice" on 14:57:21 08/07/11 Sun

To the very best of my ability to remember, I cant recall Brian ever mentioning he was a father. Im pretty sure I would recall something like that. I mean hearing this guy youve been hanging out with suddenly dropping "Oh by the way, I have X number of children" is quite likely to stick in the old memory cells. But no, never heard anything like that. I never knew he had kids, in fact, till last year when I started writing my book and got all nostalgic for my old pal and started surfing him on the net. Honestly, I had never thought to even look him up before that. It had been a long time, and I had a life to lead. Sort of shocked and disappointed me in fact. I was about halfway through writing the book by then, and had integrated Brian into the character of the rock star. I didnt give the rock star any kids because I never knew at the time, and thats what I was writing about.
Brian may or may not have been hung up on that fact of having kids, but I wouldnt know. He did have issues with his parents, and thats what started our friendship in the first place. Mutual dislike of our mothers. He did like and respect his Dad, that I know, but his mother was another trip altogether. His Dad was strict, but according to Brian, fair. His mother was somewhat of a closet drinker, but not so closeted that he wasnt aware of it. She behaved erratically, and was hung up on appearances. She lashed out, but I never knew if it was physical, other than he did tell me she was prone to slapping him on occasion. She belittled him, compared him unfavorably to Barbara, and even Pamela. This is similar to my own experience with my mother, and interestingly, I also have a younger sister named Pamela, who was hailed by the Red Queen as the all perfect one. Brian was wary of his mothers moods, and truely, I think shes the reason he rebelled. He knew his Dad was proud of him, but his mother couldnt be, or at the least, couldnt say it, and she was the power in that house. His mother totally disapproved of his relationship with Anita, because Anita was foreign. Foreigners werent good enough. He did expect his mother to change when Anita left, be glad he was back on the right path so to speak, but she didnt. According to him, she became more distant. I know Brian wanted more than anything to have a relationship with his mother. He never understood why I never wanted one with mine, even though he admitted mine was worse than his could ever be. He tried to get me to go make up with my mother, never really got it till the night he called me in the middle of the night at her house and she answered the phone. He said he had never heard a voice so devoid of human tones in his life. She scared him. He never called there again.
I think Brians trip down self destruction lane started with Mummy. Nothing he could do would earn her approval, and thats rough. Maybe he had all those kids to try and thaw the old bitch, but that obviously didnt work.
There are other things he told me about his mother, but those get into the territory of personal confidences I feel no right to share. Trust me, she certainly never did any of the things depicted in the Shepherd book! She was just a bitter alcoholic who tragically lost a child and never recovered, and from that day on saw her son as the usurper. She may also have been somewhat bi-polar. Brian certainly was and those things are genetic.
I never knew him to be particularly hung up about his looks. He had bad hair days and was self conscious about his wobbly tooth, but none of us are without personal appearance hangups. He chewed the tips of his fingers when he was nervous, but not his fingernails. Not sure thats a hangup. He was pissed at the Lads a lot of the time, but then he would just laugh and say he was going to get his music back. He was more relaxed at the Farm, sort of like he'd finally found an element where he could just be, without outside pressure. Not having known him before 67, I never saw the Brian from the Stones early days, just the drug taker, and I participated right alongside him. It never occurred to me, and not likely him either, that what we were doing was dangerous. Suki certainly never objected either, although she wasnt Brians drug buddy as much as I was. She was nursemaid/consort.
He did have hangups, but who among us doesnt? Not I, said the Dormouse, popping back inside the creamer.

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