Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 17:02:11 05/18/16 Wed
Author: Still Wondering
Subject: Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 16:37:11 05/18/16 Wed

You make some very good points about sexual abuse and trauma - however, I think the unfortunate truth is that no one (except time) will be able to answer that question. Not even the best therapist in the world can answer this with 100% certainty. Absolutely there are people who are abused and act out in later years. You will never know the answer to the question of how he will continue to act and react. You already seem to know the important answer which is whether or not you're willing to stay and find out and possibly waste a lifetime doing so.

My husband was supposedly abused (one time) by an older teenaged boy. He met with three different therapists who all told me he loved me and seemed to be "healed" and that he acknowledged his past and it really didn't affect him. It was complete BS. He would come right home and pull up gay porn or order dildos thinking I didn't know. For him, it was an excuse. In fact, the abuse story never even surfaced until the third time I caught him. I'm not sure what the end result is for your guy but again, no one but time knows that answer. Why do you think I named myself Still Wondering? It has been years 10+ years since initial discovery, 5 years since separation and 3 1/2 years since divorce and he has yet to admit to anything other than maybe I'm bi-curious. I no longer care what he does with his life but I hope (just for I told you so and closure reasons) that I get to see him come out as a gay man instead of staying in his little hidey hole.

Keep on your current path and continue on with your life. If, in 5 years he seems to be on the road to recovery and isn't doing drugs and you happen to cross paths then maybe if you still have feelings for him you can give him another chance. However, drugs are one thing but experience with people who have gone to the gay side tells me that he most likely can't let that side of him go. If he's going to heal, he needs to do it on his own but don't take the exclamation of "I'm healed" from him. It would take some stealth computer monitoring to know for sure - and it sounds to me like you already know you deserve better than that. It's just not worth it. I'd rather be Still Wondering than still with him.

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Replies:

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 09:47:27 05/19/16 Thu