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Date Posted: 18:16:53 05/31/16 Tue
Author: Still Wondering (Lost it all - but I'll be ok)
Subject: Re: Just need a little reassurance
In reply to: Sue 's message, "Just need a little reassurance" on 20:27:24 05/28/16 Sat

You are not alone. I lost my home that I designed that was on top of a hill in a beautiful neighborhood. When we met we both made a decent salary and had a nice little home with some ok furniture. As time went on we both grew with our jobs and we were lucky enough to have bought land before the huge real estate craze hit in Texas. Together we subcontracted our own home which saved us over 1/2 of what other people in this neighborhood had to pay just for having a builder do it for them. I used to walk outside on my back patio and look around and giggle because technically we didn't "belong" there. We had this huge mansion on a hill with a pool for a steal. Slowly but surely, his salary began to increase leaps and bounds over mine.

When the shit hit the fan over TGT, I moved into that dreaded one bedroom apartment. In my stupidity, I rented one that was right next to my former neighborhood because I wanted to still be in that area. The problem is that by this time, the neighborhood had gone from nice, larger homes to all out crazy style mansions. I couldn't even go for a walk without seeing mansion after mansion looking down on me from the hill and I knew there was no way on earth I'd ever have anything that nice again. Having to enter my little kitchen with three drawers and five cabinets was like torture. What made me so mad about the whole thing was that at one time it took both of us to pay for and run that house. And then, it seems almost overnight his salary shot up to where he didn't need my income anymore. Before I knew about TGT that was great! Lots of extra money. But when it all hit the fan I realized he was going to get to stay there and enjoy that house. Even though it didn't cost what it should have, I still couldn't afford it on my own. By this time the property taxes had doubled. I cried and cried. And I realized I wasn't shedding one tear for him, but for material things and the loss of what I thought my marriage would be. I packed my stuff and got out. I was pissed, the anger was still there, but every day I woke up not having to worry about finding dildos or gay porn.

I set off on a search for a perfect (little) house. And then two things happened - the real estate market went crazy and I almost lost my job. Right as I was about to get a huge raise and I thought things were finally going to get better for me, I found out the owner of our company was a complete scam artist. The FBI came into our offices (realized none of us knew, thank God), and then my co-worker took that opportunity to steal clients from our business to create his own business. Half of our clients left. A different co-worker stepped up and bought the other half. It was 6 months of hell, pay cuts, not knowing if we were even going to survive and if I could find another job that would even allow me to afford a home because by then, homes had jumped up 20k over what they were the previous year and continued to rise monthly. Every home was a bidding war and cash buyers from other states were winning out over the rest of us.

Eventually, after years of stale salaries, our company survived and I got my old salary back and a small bonus but I lost years of salary and pay raises. I feel like I'm in a perpetual catch up situation. I found a little home (still unfortunately only 2 miles away from him) and had enough left over from the equity in our home to make it exactly like I wanted it (minus the pool with the waterfall and the hill top). In the mean time, he's now making double what I make even though we started out the same. He likes to drive his sports car around and looks like a complete jackass.

So - life did not work out like I would have hoped. I lost my dream home, lost a marriage I thought would be forever, and was set back several years as far as pay goes due to a freaking criminal who took over our former company. But I survived. I still have good days and bad days. I had a bad day the other day when I realized that we were supposed to retire early (which would only be 7 years from now). Instead, I'll be working well over 20 more years. But I know it could be so much worse.

You will make it through this just fine. I'm curious - did you always have the panic attacks? Even before you met your husband? Something tells me they will get better the further away you get from him. And you'll realize you CAN do this.

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