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Date Posted: 05:10:21 05/27/16 Fri
Author: Susan (Thanks everyone)
Subject: Re: A familiar pattern
In reply to: Susan 's message, "A familiar pattern" on 04:41:46 05/26/16 Thu

Thank you everyone for commenting. It was very HEALING to share my story, and I mean ALL OF IT. I'd encourage others to do share their stories as well. I went through a long "WHY ME!?" period and I spent a lot of time, maybe too much time, blaming my ex. I realized that blame and resent were the wrong path. Thinking negative thoughts and feeling sorry for myself prevented me from accepting the reality of my situation. Blame and resentment also kept me from taking action. And I've learned that thoughts have no meaning unless we take action.

The reality is that I was from a broken home, I met a broken man, and we had a broken marriage. Emotionally we were like two one-legged dancers trying to tango. When I look at my life this way, what happened was inevitable. One-third of this situation (my childhood) had nothing to do with my ex-husband and by accepting how I have to change and change my way of thinking TODAY, I'm slowly getting my life back. So where am I today?

I no longer obsess about nor hate my ex-husband. I owned my SH*T, I think this gave him the courage to own his, I've forgiven him, I've forgiven myself, and we've moved on. Our kids are better although my eldest still has trust issues with his dad. I guess he has more things to forget. Our two youngest seem to be happy.

It pains me to read about women going the open marriage or 'he can have his gay fun but still come home' route. This would be too heavy burden for me. Now that I'm with a STRAIGHT MAN and having REAL SEX, I'd never go back to my former crappy relationship. I deserve love, passion, and a man who wants to take my clothes off. I'd be selling myself short by staying with a man who gets off dressing me up or, even worse, wearing my clothes! I deserve better than tears, doubt, and possibly a life-threatening STI.

The first part of my life was all about sacrifice. I put aside my wants, needs, and dreams for other men (first my dad and later my husband). I got nothing in return but heartache. The second part of my life is about ME! Free of my broken marriage and free of my broken thoughts about my broken marriage, for the first time in my life I'm living in the moment...AND LOVING IT.

Again thanks for your support my friends. Good luck to all of us!

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