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Subject: This feeling is bad


Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 12:37:04 01/19/07 Fri
 My son asked me if he can call his dad last night. He said to me, At least I asked you first. He does follow directions really well. So I allowed him to call as long as he understood that daddy is still really sick and will not be picking him up so not to ask him when he is going to. He agreed and never mentioned it to him.
So anyhow, all he talks about lately is his dad nad he hasn't seen him in well over 2 months. It is bothering me that he wants to see him so bad. I know it is not a good idea and I am not going to allow it. I set down boundaries and I am sticking to them this time. He will have to make the effort to take me back to court and explain to a judge why we are there. There are consequences to not being a father all these years and being an addict. There are people that need to know about this. He needs to take drugs tests. go to meetings, go to counseling, parenting classes, something more than just me handing over my child to him and saying, ok here is another chance to hurt him. I will not allow it. I know the pain all too well.
ANyhow, my son hung up on him when I said let me talk to him. He then dialed the number back for me and I proceeded to tell him not to make any prmoises to him especially since he isn't around. He agreed and said all the same things he always says, blah blah blah, excuses left and right on what he is doing and why and no one knows what is going on with him on the inside and what his plan are. I told him we all know and that is the strange part. We all know what you will do next and what you won't do next. I did engage in conversation with him which I know I shouldn't have. But when I hear his voice and his excuses and see my son's face, ewww he makes me angry. I told him it's funny that he has time to build a relationship with some girl when he should be making every effort to be clean and be a dad. Anyways, I said she must be as stupid as you are for being with a man that doesn't have a relationship with his kid. I hung up cause I told him I have nothing nice to say to him and I wished he would change his number.
There has got to be some sort of block I can put on my phone or a code that has to be dialed by a parent for when child wants to use the phone so maybe my boy will think the number is wrong and give up. I don't know what else to do. It is all he has been talking about and today I feel so much hate towards this man. He is still using, I can tell in his calm voice. He was high while I ws talking to him. No feeling at all. Which is fine, but I wish he would dissapear or get better. something. I wish my son didn't know his dad's phone number.
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Re: This feeling is badShelly18:39:09 01/20/07 Sat

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