Should Republicans Get Special Rights? (cont.) -- Welcome To The Crzy House

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Date Posted: 20:46:55 05/15/03 Thu
Author: Pete
Subject: Should Republicans Get Special Rights? (cont.)
In reply to: Pete 's message, "Should Republicans Get Special Rights?" on 20:45:03 05/15/03 Thu

Republicans once took great pride in themselves: �Republicans say that government doesn�t work, and after they�re elected, they prove it, � says P. J. O�Rourke, an afflicted author who travels in Republican circles.. Then came �Stonewalling� Richard Nixon�s �Southern Strategy� that lit a fire under a thousand crosses throughout Dixie. �I don�t care what they do in the privacy of their own caucus room, � one Democrat responded, �Why do they have to parade their disgusting racism in public?

Senator Santorum has not yet achieved the full indignity of pointy-headed bigotry exhibited by �out� and openly hating Republicans such as Strom Thurmond and Trent Lott. However, Santorum is exhibiting all the signs of a prospective hate developer trapped in the body of a Northeastern conservative.

Republicans develop a keen sense of masking their inner bias for country clubs sporting green grass and white people with an outward mantra assuring the world of their compassion. In most cases, the bias is not actually aimed at race, religion, or sexual orientation, but at the general belief that targeted opposition groups lack the wealthy roots that rate Republicans their social advantage. For instance, O J Simpson, a black man who is believed by some to have engaged in such socially disfavored activities as first-degree murder, has achieved widespread tolerance at country clubs and Republican bastions throughout the US. As recently as this week, Mr. Simpson has been awarded his very own reality television show that will assure his continued survival among the wealthiest of Americans.

Republicans have been known to favor French words such as �entrepreneur� while distancing themselves from the likes of French fries, toast or horns. Xenophobia is a common symptom of a potential Republican in recent years, as Republicans take offense not only at their natural prey among Democrats, but anyone who exhibits a failure to fly an American flag as they consume Iraqi oil in their bumper-sticker laden SUV.

The US Supreme Court is reportedly considering whether Republicanism can be legally practiced within the safety of a �red state,� those states won by Democrat Al Gore in 2000. Republicans feel that they should have the right to do whatever they want in any state of the union, except of course the District of Columbia where lying about sex is an impeachable offense.

A rapidly growing trend believes that Republicans can ultimately be changed. A �compassion� organization established deep in the piney woods of Texas where the word �Republican� was once as rare as the word �African American,� has developed the �Barry Goldwater Enlightenment Center.� The Goldwater Center teaches impressionable former Republicans that Universal Health Care is common across the world, and not a signal that the world has gone soft. It teaches that human rights are not special rights, and not subject to the will of the majority. The Goldwater Center reminds Republicans of a time when the first Republican President said �God must love poor people, because he made so many of them.�

�We hope to have more than 500 graduates by 2004,� the director of the Goldwater Center predicted. �That�s more than the margin of victory in the 2000 presidential race.�

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