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Date Posted: Tue, Apr 13 2004, 14:15:51
Author: MST Meg
Subject: Help for a HP MST (squeaky clean, and brain-numbingly stupid)

Hi!

I'm in the middle of MSTing a bad (but PG-13 rated) Harry Potter fanfic and thought that I'd share the link to keep people's spirits up. Here's the culprit: <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1441365">http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1441365</a>

It's Snape/Hermione, sort of - they "h8" each other but they get "married" by the Sorting Hat and decide to "get each other back" for being "meen". Godawful plot, bad grammar, abysmal spelling and completely senseless passages (this girl doesn't know how to make a comparison correctly - see excerpt below). To top it off, utter OOCness including Ho!Mione and Stupid!Snape.

I also need help for a passage where the author uses an expression that I can't connect to anything. In order to MST, I'd like to make sure I'm not missing a reference or something to poke fun at. Maybe it doesn't mean anything, but as I know much more about UK English idioms than those from other parts of the English-speaking world, I'd like someone to check for me. Here goes:

-------

"Thank you for the tip Professor Snape. Would you like to barrow some shampoo professor? For if you spent as much time washing your hair and brushing those yellow, tea stained, objects in your mouth that you call teeth, you might have even been a match for Lockhart himself. So, here's some shampoo,*Hands Professor Snape the shampoo* because unlike you, I actually wash my hair. You do know what shampoo is and what to do with it right?" Hermione couldn't believe she just said that, but she tried not to look scared. Which she suggested, but to her dismay, looking scared was the least of her worries.

Severus didn't know what to say. He just stood there in plain shock.* How dare she say that to me? Oh, I'm going to have fun making her final year hell!* Just as he thought this Hermione smiled and said sweetly "Got to go Professor. He who washes none." Hermione then ran to the train and got on.

-------

What I don't get is "He who washes none". Is this supposed to be a witty variation on a well-known saying, movie quote, *anything*? I just don't get it. Does anyone know what it's referring to, or is this girl inventing a language of her own?

On second thought, the latter seems more plausible. In chap. 5 we find a number of misspelled words such as "dame" (damn), "hook, line and sincere" (hook, line and sinker), swallowing a drink "in one clop" (never seen "clop" used in that context) and - I needed 2 days to figure this one out - "a dipper" (diaper).

If anyone gets the "he who washes none", please let me know. It's intriguing, in a sick way, like a very weird riddle. ;)

Meg

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