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Date Posted: 07:09:25 07/07/12 Sat
Author: chris k
Subject: well - as a mother of a 21 year old daughter who plans to have the wedding of the century when the day comes- I hope to heck she sees the light or I win the lottery!! - lol- I agree 50k on a wedding is insane - I also come from NY and the land of the big blowout weddings. When I got married NY style here in Texas is what a shock for most folks. I'd like to believe we can find a way to have the big every relative and friend you ever met weding without spedning the price of a small house. We'll have to see.
In reply to: Cathy F. 's message, "Question - weddings, tatoos and what's over the top" on 10:45:49 07/05/12 Thu


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[> [> Now tattoos, my first reaction is Ick. I was raised when tattoos equaled low life dangerous bikers not 'nice' people. Some things drummed into you as a child are hard to overcome. I still don't like to see men go shirtless (except maybe in a certain Navy TV show!). Today it seems folks consider tattoos an accessory. Except practically the idea of an accessory- a pair of shoes, nail polish, jewelry is to complete the outfit not make it the focus of attention. In summer I wear pale polish, in winter darks. I don't wear red shoes w/ a green dress- not even at christmas! LOL Inside I'm way over.. -- chris k, 07:43:26 07/07/12 Sat [1]


Accessories should be able to change to enhance the presentation. You can't change a tattoo to match your occasion- a rose chain around your wrist may look lovely on a summer day out to lunch with friends, but not so much at a 7pm formal wedding or a 2pm business meeting with the Senior VP of your company. Then when you get to the massive body art, the tattoo becomes the focus not the accent. The folks covered in tattoos might as well walk the streets naked because w/ a dragon down your back no one will notice anything else. Especially not if you have beautiful eyes or a friendly smile.


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[> [> [> and lastly- living together five years and have a 5 year old son. I hope it lasts. Statistics say folks who live together before marrying have a 50% higher divorce rate than folks who don't. I think I'd be more inclined to enjoy the moment if they hadn't had a 5 yr old son. Inside I know I'll go long again -- chris k, 08:06:04 07/07/12 Sat [1]


Folks often live together first today - that's just the way it is - then they decide - hey this is working okay - let's get married.

I tried to brainwash my kids- if you love someone enough to live with them you should marry them and if you don't love them enough to marry them you shouldn't live with them.

We'll see how that goes- though at the moment my daughter says that too- my son you never know!! LOL.

My theory on why so many marriages don't work out who live together first is because of the psychological shift.

I once explaiend to my friend's son in terms his young mind could follow - You come to live with me for the summer. You share a room with my son. You follow my rules of the house. eat when we eat, eat what I cook, follow the curfews I set, and any other house rule. You're John doe and happy with all that. Then for whatever reason your folks are out of the picture and we have to adopt you. You're now John Jones. You still share the same room and follow the same rules, but now there's a subtle difference. You're not living with us, you're legally connected to us. Even your name changes.

to some folks that's nothing - to others - that's enough of a shift to change the dynamics of a previously working relationship.

now- onto the 5yr old.

Just waiting five years to make it official - I'm okay with that. When it happens with friends of mine I hope these are the 50% who stay married.

Live together and ooops- baby comes along. Marry after the birth. I'm okay with that - though i have my doubts about how long it will last.

live together, have a baby and still wait five years ??? I'm thinking - seriously? what did you do - toss the dice and decide this is the year?

Now - i would still attend because family is family - and if the parents are friends or family I know they're probably thrilled to finally make it legal or blessed.

but still - pull out all the stops? really?


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[> [> [> [> We take greater care to legally protect our property, companies, real estate, etc. than we do our children. One of my lovely nieces and her great husband, waited until they had three children before they got married. The oldest was around 10 when they finally had a quiet family wedding and a weekend away. My sister and BIL (her parents) were very relieved. My niece put it down to procrastination on her part. She is usually fare more organised than that. Oh well...all is good. (inside) -- Cece, 14:39:21 07/07/12 Sat [1]

First and foremost, marriage is a legal (not religious) institution, which is why I believe all adults should have the right to protect themselves and their children legally through marriage. The religious part is all up to the individual and the rules of their faith. The legal part is the constant for everyone. The big wedding is unnecessary, but sometimes a very nice way to join two families with a celebration. It shouldn't break the bank.

My DH and I lived together for 6 yrs in the early 70s. But when we got serious about having children, we got married in a registry office with only 2 friends in attendance. The children never arrived (not our choice), but we've been married for 35.5 yrs. Not too shabby. It's the marriage, not the big wedding, that's important to me.


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