What do I do now? -- The Lower Caverns

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Date Posted: 02:33:26 03/11/05 Fri
Author: S'peer (Scarth)
Subject: What do I do now?
In reply to: Halzay{Elizabeth} and Salzay 's message, "I've been waiting FOREVER to post this!!!" on 19:03:39 03/10/05 Thu

It was only when S�peer got to the Lower Caverns that he remembered W�ntyr was in Shrineth�s flight. Great. And there was me running all over the Weyr to find him� He thought with a rueful smile to himself. What was he supposed to do now, with everyone else doing something? For once he regretted moving around all the time. It meant that you didn�t get close to too many people. But on the upper hand, it did mean you could make new friends, when the need arose�

Scanning the tables he could see only a few occupied ones, and only one that had a person sitting alone. And since he wasn�t in the mood for interrupting a conversation, S�peer chose that table to go and sit at. Why not meet someone new? Faranth knew that with all this gold-centred attention the greens could be feeling a little dejected.

So he focused on the lone person � a female greenrider. He couldn�t see her face, and he couldn�t recognise her back, so he made his way towards her. She wasn;t quite alone, he could see now � there was a child with her. A little girl. But when he did see her face, he got the shock of his life.

It was Halzay.

Fear rushed down his body to settle in the pit of his stomach, making him feel cold. This wasn�t happening�

No, it can�t be�It can�t� �Scarth!�

Yes?

�Is Elizabeth in the Weyr? Rider Halzay?�

Scarth didn�t like the note of panic in his rider�s voice. She came just today. Then it hit the blue. S�peer, is she�?

�Yes.� The bluerider ran hand through his hair. This couldn�t be happening. Halzay was�here. He hadn�t expected to not see her again, but it brought back so many memories. The bluerider struggled to keep himself in one place � the urge to run away was amazing. She would have moved on by now. He should just go away.

Stupid, wasn�t it: he had hurt her, and yet he was the one terrified of approaching her! But she was the reason � unwittingly or not � that he now hesitated to fly female greenriders. The reason that he still felt guilty. The reason that he had spent two years without a bottle ever leaving his hand�

If he glanced down, he could see the two deep, long, irregular scars on his forearms. In this heat he went with his sleeves rolled up, and the two top buttons of his shirt undone � he never thought about the scars. He kept his hands in his pockets so his arms were at the wrong angle to be seen. If people asked him what they were, he told them he had broken a bottle when he was a child, and cut them then. Only a few people knew the real cause: a suicide attempt.

They probably wouldn�t believe him anyway � S�peer, depressed? No chance. Things like what he�d done happened all the time to female riders; and male ones as well. But S�peer wasn�t like a few other riders. He couldn�t bear the idea of hurting someone�and a greenrider on her first flight was the worst he could think of�

Ironic, no? Halzay. Possibly the last female greenrider he had flown�

He hadn�t seen her since That Flight. He�d tried�but she was never anywhere. It was like she disappeared as soon as he thought he�d found her. Swallowing nervously, he approached her gingerly, just standing opposite her without sitting down. He should say something. But what could he say? His mouth felt frozen and dry. He felt as bad as he had when he had woken up to find her gone, and after a long search she had told him�

The little girl was looking at him from her seat on her mother�s lap. Halzay had a daughter? He had never known�and that child could only be three or four years old. That was good, surely? That meant Halzay had found someone else. She woudln;t be scared of him, would she?

He should leave. He shouldn�t even have come over here�he wouldn�t gain anything by bringing it all up. But something made him try and speak, even though he knew it was wrong.

�Halzay.� His voice cracked, and he didn�t have the strength to try again. His dark brown eyes couldn�t meet hers, and he just looked at the floor, unable to look at her. He�d wanted to apologise for so long � four years, in fact. But now�was he making a mistake?

~~I�ve been living to see you - dying to see you, but it shouldn�t be like this. This was unexpected: what do I do now? Could we start again please�?~~

((I'll reply on Sunday - I'll be away until then! There had better be a reply when I get back!))

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Replies:

~~I think you've made your point now... (Heh!) --~~ Halzay(Elizabeth), 08:45:42 03/11/05 Fri
- You've even gone a bit too far, to get your message home... -- Salzay, 15:28:00 03/12/05 Sat
  - Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt.... -- S'peer (Scarth), 16:57:23 03/12/05 Sat
    - Oh, could we start again, please? (Heh. Got here bfore Mommy, eh?) -- Salzay, 20:30:16 03/13/05 Sun
      - I'm drunk and I'm feeling down...(Finally found a song for her!) -- Halzay(Elizabeth), 20:51:04 03/13/05 Sun
        I've not been very hopeful so far...(Changed it a bit...) -- S'peer (Scarth, Lilith), 02:46:09 03/14/05 Mon
        Thinking how it might have been -- T'rtatus, 12:44:10 03/27/05 Sun
        Argh! Not family! -- S'peer (Scarth), 02:12:18 03/28/05 Mon
        Yep! -- T'rtatus, 10:51:10 03/28/05 Mon
        I should have known. -- S'peer, 13:47:44 03/28/05 Mon
        And our scars rmind us that the past is real... -- Halzay, Elizabeth, 22:27:36 03/31/05 Thu
        I'M BACK!!! -- Salzay, 22:33:13 03/31/05 Thu
        At last! -- S'peer (Lilith), 03:00:54 04/01/05 Fri
        I think I go crazy -- B'nederra, Maria, and D'ris, 06:52:04 04/01/05 Fri
        You're not the only one... -- S'peer, 08:29:17 04/01/05 Fri
        Gar -- T'rtatus(Ojeth) Maria(Myth), 23:52:07 04/01/05 Fri
        Ack! I'm... late... again... -- Halzay, Lizzie, 08:54:14 04/04/05 Mon

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