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Date Posted: 15:37:35 02/24/04 Tue
Author: Prateek Srivastava
Subject: Here
In reply to: Prateek Srivastava 's message, "Appropriately Posted!" on 15:36:15 02/24/04 Tue

Here it is hidden away by a reply.

A Very Interesting Trailer
Announcer: Don Pardo
Narrator: Chris Parnell
Keith: Horatio Sanz
Mother’s Voice: some unknown old woman’s voice.
Cop: Host
Lorne Michaels: himself
Ashton Kutcher: himself(special cameo)

We open with the SNL bumper, but suddenly the screen freezes and the Announcer’s voice comes on.

Announcer: Before we begin Saturday Night Live, we would like to show an all new trailer, from a famous movie company. They have given us some funding so we can finally have sketches with more than one set. So sit back, don’t change to Comedy Central, and watch the commercial
(The screen becomes black and suddenly a voice is heard)

Narrator: Coming this summer, to theaters.
(Large block letters come right at you onto the screen)

THE ULTIMATE MOVIE

(The screen then freezes)
Narrator: Yes it is the ultimate movie, why is it the ultimate? Well, just watch.
(A clip is rolled showing ET, the epic finger touching scene. Then cut to a black screen again)

Narrator: That’s right, to avoid any risk in losing our audience. We are just taking clips from famous movies and made one big movie out of that.

Narrator: Why are we doing it, because, these days original creativity movies are not making money. Look at the figures, new creative movies’ sales are down.
(Cut to a cheap hand drawn chart with a downward arrow).

Narrator: Back to the movie, this really is a high quality movie, we have Oscar nominated scenes and state of the art technology. Well not that state of the art, most of these movies are from 80's and 70's.
(Cut to a clip of Star Wars, the Death Star scene and then fade to black)

Narrator: This is an exclusive movie, only to be shown in the finest of theaters, like the exclusive back area basement of our good friend Keith.
( Cut to a clip of an overweight guy with glasses. The camera pans to show a small barely lit basement.)
Keith: Hi I’m Keith, this is my basement, you can watch the Ultimate movie here, no hassles from the cops, er, uh. No hassles of popcorn or any types of snacks. Just a great bachelor pad’s sweet tv.

Mother’s voice: Keith, what are you doing down there.

Keith:(he looks embarrassed) nothing mother.

Mother: When are you going to get a job, Keith you are 30 years old and all you doing is sitting in that basement and you haven’t bathed for a week.

Keith: Mother, I have company-.

Narrator: No you idiot, don’t tell her, no uh.

Keith: Mother, don’t come down, I’ll get a job soon.

Mother: I will go warm the tub, and then I will get the loofah out so I can finally clean your ears.

Keith: No, Mother, I-
(We suddenly cut to the black screen again)

Narrator: So come on down and see our great movie, the Ultimate Movie. It has all the best scenes, and that’s not all. Earlier we talked about how they are not really the state of the art technology of today that has all changed because right now, we have another picture coming soon. Yes, it is called the Ultimate Movie to the max or as we call it the Maxed out Ultimate Movie. Yes, all your favorite movies to their maximum audio and visual quality, it’s the movies to the max.
Actually, we lied that is not the max. It is for the next month, but then look out. It’s the Maxed out Ultimate movie-Re-maxed. Yes a sequel with even more high tech quality. Well, no new footage, but more movie magic, TO THE MAX. So now, you think that is it. The Ultimate movie, then, the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie, and then the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie Re-maxed. But, that is not all. Yes, there is the highest quality picture, with the surround sound of the ages. High Definition, and the best quality scenes, it is everything you have seen, maxed out to it’s fullest capabilities. And when we mean maxed out, we mean until an even more special and high tech version of the movie comes out. We are talking about the Ultimate Maxed out movie Extravaganza, I am talking about the-
(There is an abrupt ending as the screen suddenly shuts off and we the camera zooms out to show that what you were seeing was just on a television screen. It zooms out to show the office of Lorne Michaels. He is sitting at his desk. There is a cop next to him with a remote.)

Cop: Sorry Mr. Michaels. But this company has infringed on copyright laws. They stole the clips for their movie by just downloading from internet.

Lorne Michaels: They never did give me that money.

Cop: We arrested them this afternoon with charges of piracy, there was never any money.

Lorne: No money!

Cop: I’m sorry, but as the consumers of the piracy, SNL execs will all have to come down for questioning. I’m sorry that this is interfering the show.

Lorne: No money!( He is in this trance and is not listening to the cop)

Cop: Are you listening?

Lorne Michaels: What (he is startled and he tries to pay attention now)

Cop: You guys here at SNL have to come down, for questioning, you were involved and have to give your input.

Lorne Michaels: You mean I have to go with you right now.

Cop: Yes I am sorry about interfering with the show. I hate to ruin some high quality comedy.

Lorne Michaels: (in his Dr. Evil tone of voice) Right! Some really high quality comedy(sarcastically).

Cop: Grab your staff and let’s go.

Lorne Michaels: How about you overlook our involvement, I really don’t want to go anywhere, I mean the show is getting less funny, my key players are people like Horatio Sanz, and Seth Meyers. I mean this is torture. I need to scrounge up funds.

Cop: Come on, I just cannot overlook anything. What do you think I am just some cop that over looks things. Is it cause I talk like a hick.

Lorne Michaels: Look, I am not saying anything.
(He gets a good look at the cop)
Lorne: Hey has anyone told you, you look like “the host”

Cop: Uh, no, what kind of person would think that.

Lorne: Okay fine, how about you let us off the hook and I let you say it. Yes, the most infamous phrase of SNL

Cop: Oh, uh well, I’ve always wanted that.

Lorne Michaels: So, officer were there any problems here in Studio 8H.( He has a confident expression on his face)

Cop: Nope, there was nothing at all. In fact, I will be going now. But, before I do, I have just one thing to say.

Lorne Michaels: What is that?( He is in anticipation, because he knows the cop will say the phrase)

Cop: That I don’t accept bribes!

Lorne: Whaat!
(The cop pushes Lorne the wall and handcuffs him)

Cop: Hey Mr. Michaels one more thing. You just got Punk’d.

Lorne: Oh god!
(Suddenly all these crew members for the show Punk’d run at Lorne Michaels. The camera pans to show Ashton Kutcher walking onto the set)

Lorne: I thought the Punk’d show was done?

Ashton Kutcher: Yeah, well, Butterfly Effect sucked the Box Office, and I need money. So, I got this idea to Punk out another failing thing, SNL. I mean you are getting less and less funny now. So I thought, this show would want money. So I thought of this bit where a company that is corrupt, wants ad space.

Lorne: Well, you did take up the ad space so how about you pay right now.

Ashton Kutcher: Why do we have to pay, in fact there is a new rule. Whoever we Punk, has to pay us. That will be 5 grand.

Lorne Michaels: Hah, I get it, it’s a another Punk.

Ashton Kutcher: Hell no, I ain’t lying now. Now get the money or I will get P.diddy’s thugs out here for all y’all. Yeah, I be the homie of P diddy. Why, cause I am Ashton “Mofo” Kutcher.
(He grab’s an AK-47 from his Pants, and the crew members start to scatter throughout the building. Lorne is just bewildered at this point and sits down at his desk. Ashton then looks and faces the camera.)

Ashton Kutcher: Yeah, hey wassup America, I’m your heartthrob now and you will eat my every word. So “Live From New York it’s Saturday Night!”.

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Replies:

  • Re: Appropriately Posted! -- Prateek Srivastava, 00:15:24 02/28/04 Sat
  • Re: Appropriately Posted! -- Jim Bevan, 06:47:51 02/28/04 Sat
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