- SNY's Best of 2003-04 -- JPIII, 20:02:36 05/16/04 Sun
Since Bevan's already got a list together, I thought I'd post this and get people started. My list is below...I plan on adding a paragraph about each of my choices in the near future.
JPIII
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- Skit for the summer episodes -- Jim Bevan, 15:54:03 05/27/04 Thu
I've been working on this sketch for about three weeks, and I'd like it to go in the first of the mock summer episodes. Let me know what you all think of it, where I can make improvements, ect. Thanks.
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- REVIEWS: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen 05/15/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 00:53:50 05/15/04 Sat
Reviews, thoughts, critiques - have at it.
Reviews, thoughts, critiques - have at it.
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- An idea for summer Weekend Updates -- Jim Bevan, 08:26:36 05/17/04 Mon
Since Jimmy Fallon has now left the show, and we don't know what the new WU format will be, I propose the following suggestion. During the 1984-85 season, SNL had no permanent Update anchor, they just used the host for each show. I propose a similar method of rotation, not with hosts, but other cast members. Every week, a different player joins Tina to deliver the news. My proposals for the anchors, in alphabetical order: Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Seth Meyers, Finesse Mitchell, Horatio Sanz, Kenan Thompson. Whaddya think?
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- REVIEWS: Lindsey Lohan 05/01/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 08:41:42 05/01/04 Sat
Sketches added - I'm out the door, I'll add descriptions later. Tear at 'em like vultures!
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- Tonight's Episode -- Prateek Srivastava, 18:25:38 05/15/04 Sat
I just heard from TVTOME.com that tonight's episode, will be Jimmy Fallon's last episode. Will there be on-air crack ups tonight!
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- Mad TV vs SNL -- jafi.com, 12:40:02 05/13/04 Thu
The battle for sketch comedy supremecy is at hand!
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- The New "SPIKE TV's The Jay - C Show" Sketch -- Mark Jennings Reese II, 22:57:35 05/11/04 Tue
In the reply, you can read the new "SPIKE TV's The Jay - C Show" sketch.
Here is the details...
professional pedophile Jay C interviews the twins and asks them gross questions about their sexuality
if you have any comments please post them on here or email me at
sny_writer@yahoo.com
Thank you for your time.
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- An Address From Former President Bill Clinton -- Mark Jennings Reese II, 23:09:14 05/12/04 Wed
In the reply, you can read "An Address From Former President Bill Clinton"
Here is the details...
Bill Clinton gives a ‘teaser’ of what his memoirs will be when they are released next month
if you have any comments please post them on here or email me at
sny_writer@yahoo.com
Thank you for your time.
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- Help me out -- Stan Tavera, 16:29:48 04/29/04 Thu
I have been sending sketches since the Donald Trump episode. I sent them through Pat's email, but they haven't been posted. I tried to email Pat but go no response.
Then I noticed this chat board. Maybe you guys can help me. Should I send them somewhere else and not through Pat's email. I don't know, someone help me out.
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- Who is this man? -- mary, 22:55:11 05/08/04 Sat
In the opening credits of SNL, the audience is seeing the town through the eyes of a man. At one poin he even looks in the mirror and we very quickly see his image. Who is this man? I think he resembles Dean Cain. My husband and I have a bet going on if I am right. Please let me know ASAP who this man is. Thank you.
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- I need advice with a skit -- Jim Bevan, 21:18:08 03/16/04 Tue
I want to do a skit based on Dennis Miller's new show, but I don't know how to do a proper Miller parody? What route do I go: is it just putting complex topics into his jokes and making him sound like a white Sammy Davis Jr., or is it more than that?
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- Debbie Downer -- SNL Observer, 16:19:52 05/07/04 Fri
I'm surprised it hasn't been brought up here since the buzz on this sketch has been massive. In your guys opinion was Debbie Downer a sign of how poor the cast is in, or the exception to the rule of breaking character... discuss!
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- The Reality Game Show Network -- jafi.com, 13:03:04 05/06/04 Thu
The Reality Game Show Network: Infotainment at it's best!
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- Dennis Miller skit... finished! -- Jim Bevan, 12:18:58 05/06/04 Thu
Here's the final product, let me know what you think:
THE DENNIS MILLER SHOW
Jim Bevan
Dennis Miller... Dana Carvey (guest appearance)
Holden Miller... Jimmy Fallon
Marlon Miller... Will Forte
Kofi Annan... Snoop Dogg
(music cues and the Dennis Miller intro cards flash on the screen, the CNBC logo in the lower right-hand corner. The flashes dissipate to reveal Miller [Carvey, dressed impeccably like Miller] at his desk, recieving the applause of his audience. Dennis reveals a few facial tics and spastic twitches.)
Dennis Miller (in a nasally, white Sammy Davis Jr. voice): Hey cha-chas, welcome back to the show. Gotta bit of sad news, my little monkey co-host is still in the animal hospital, but I wanna thank everyone out there for your sympathy and support. We all pray for his quick, full recovery, and I deeply regret taking him to see Van Helsing, it just opened up a Pandora's box in his brain. His attempt to stake Michael Moore by mistaking him for a creature of the dark was quixotic and poorly thought out, but perfectly justifiable. Unfortunately nature shows that a blue whale always has the edge over a light-weight primate, especially when said Baelinidarian just lost his footing after scarfing down a cheese and beef chalupa-pa-pa.
Before we move on, I would like to introduce tonight's special guest co-hosts, my own flesh and blood, my sons Holden and Marlon Miller. They're not chimps, but hell, they share about ninety-eight percent of their protein structures and their facial features are as close a match as I could find, so let's welcome 'em. Boys, come on out!
(Dennis's "sons", Holden and Marlon, walk out onto the stage and are greeted with cheers and applause. They resemble Miller right down to a tee, with similar hair styles, very light goatees, matching suits, and frequent facial tics. Holden is taller than Marlon. They take their seats in plush chairs to the right of the desk.)
Holden Miller (in the same nasally voice): Thanks for the intro, popster, and I wanna take this time to thank you for naming me after the protagonist of a novel practically nobody's read and nearly every public school wants to use in their homages to Hitler's policy on revolutionary literature. Sheesh man, why'd ya do this to me, you got a fetish for reclusive authors who drink their own bodily fluids?
Marlon Miller (in another nasal voice, chuckling): Count your blessings, H-man. If dad had a chubby for Thomas Pynchon, you'd be going through life as Lot Forty-Nine. Ba ba bow bow, baby.
Holden (sneering): It's not like I have the only nom-de-fag, Marlon. You're sharing a moniker with a once-respected actor who's spent the last thirty five years disproving Darwinism, not to mention the youngest offspring of a brood that's spawned more horrible comedians than Improv Night at the Gulag. Based on that, I can tell you've got quite a prospective future ahead, bay-bee!
Marlon (bearing his fists): Oh, that's it, tough stuff. You're going down harder than Galileo's steel spheres! (The two get up and prepare to brawl, but Dennis steps in betwen and separates them.)
Dennis: Hey, hey, calm down, ya little koo-koos. Turn those amygdalas off and sit your asses down. You kids aren't fighting unless I get twenty-to-one odds.
(His sons sulk in shame and return to their seats. Dennis looks at them in disdain).
I swear it's like I'm moderating a debate between Martin Sheen and Paul Wolfowitz in the Colosseum, Derringer's provided them with fully loaded Colt forty-fives for rebuttals, and Octavius isn't giving us a meager thumbs down, we're getting a full middle finger dexlue special.
Okay, bopparinos, now onto the big stuff. For the past few weeks the U.N. has been reeling from revelations that some high-ranking dictator-philiacs took bribes from Iraq's deposed Piltdown Man of a ruler. While they were mimicing the three See No Evil monkeys, Professor Harold Hill Hussein was scuttling off with more than five billion in humanitarian aid for his people faster than Marie Curie after Pierre told her "Sorry honey, I forgot to put in the lead shield." Now, I don't wanna get off on a rant here, but it seems almost hard to believe that there was a time the United Nations actually stopped atrocities like this from happening, but I guess nowadays as long as you hate America and Israel you're like Salk's vaccine patients, totally immune. I tell ya, I'd sooner trust Brutus and Cassius to be my bodyguards than I would the U.N. to fight oppression. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Marlon: Geez Louise, daddy-o, their morals are about as twisted as Watson and Crick's first proposed model of the DNA structure, ya ya ya.
Dennis (looking at his son oddly): "Geez Louise? Daddy-o?" Whatcha been doing, kid, channeling the spirit of Jack Kerouac with the goth kids after school? Anyway, tonight's guest is here to share his views on this international boiler room, the United Nations Secretary General and Secretary of Inaction Against Despotism, the African Chamberlain, and I mean Neville, not Wilt, Kofi Annan. Kofi, ya there?
(Dennis and his sons turn to the screen where a camera feed of Kofi Annan, sitting behind a desk in his office, appears.)
Kofi (with a slight African accent): My thanks to you, Mr. Miller, for inviting me as a guest and allowing me to clear up this disgraceful scandal.
Dennis: Glad to have ya with us, Kofi. Now, I think the question on all our minds is, how much was your take?
Kofi: Well, it was a percentage-wise cut, based on the annual amount of funds... (stops talking, a beat, then he clears his throat), I mean, I take great offense to your groundless allegation. I was completely unaware of this travesty, and did not know of any monetary misappropriations until weeks ago.
Holden: Yeah right, you expect us to belive that bunko? What are ya gonna tell us next, that the Doppler frequency shift is only a rise in pitch?
Dennis: Good comeback, son. Come on, Kofi, ya had to be in on this stuff, if not an active participant, than perhaps as the key catalyst, expiditing the transfer of these ill-gotten gains to the profiteers while remaining isolated in the whole corrupt reaction.
Kofi (slightly irritated): Mr. Miller, I do not need to say that these accusations are foolish and without merit. I would never involve myself in such a contemptible act, which allowed hundreds of thousands to suffer while I recieved hundreds of millions to live a life of luxury. It is completely absurd. I only take bribes on the billion dollar scale.
Dennis (pondering the situation): Well, at least you're going for the big leagues, bow ba bow bow baby. You're the Secretary General of the United frickin' Nations. Regular scandals are benath you, ya gotta go for the kilo-embezzlements. Okay, now what about your Undersecretary General, Benon Sevan. He ran the Oil For Food program, which was used to raise this monetary aid for the people of Iraq, for six years, and when the scandal breaks, he does a quick Eichmann impersonation and heads off to the land down under, where I imagine he'll use his ill-gotten gains to make sure that the women keep blowing and the men keep chundering.
Kofi (now very angry): How dare you insult Mr. Sevan in such a childish manner. He is a fine, upstanding individual, and would never commit such blatant crimes under my watch. This entire slew of allegations is nothing more than American retribution for our refusal to support their war campaign against Iraq.
Marlon: Yow, popster, this guy's full of more bull than the Augean Stables. How can you listen to this guy with a straight face?
Dennis: Proper training, Marlon. You forget I was on Saturday Night Live for six years of my life, and the crappy excuses for comedy they put on during my tenure has all but completely decimated my ability to express mirth. Alright Kofi, we gotta wrap this up. Ya have any more lies for your final defense?
Kofi (incredibly angry): Mr. Miller, you are a shameful example of a human being, and I cannot believe I even agreed to this travesty of a show simply to let you humiliate me. I wish I could remain here to further berate you for your irresponsible journalistic behavior, but I must prepare for a meeting on Monday to discuss Kim Jong Il's latest request for humanitarian aid.
Dennis: I can imagine that scenario, the entire council meeting focuses around two main questions, "How much is Kimmy using for his weapons and palaces while the lower classes starve?", and "How much is our cut to keep you in business?"
Kofi (scoffs indignantly): Good day, sir!
(The camera feed cuts out, leaving a static-filled screen.)
Dennis: All in all, a rather productive interview. Alright folks, after the break we'll be talking with Dan Brown, celebrated author of the great work "The DaVinci Code."
Holden: Hey father of mine, while on the subject of old Leo, ya seen the news about how the Mona Lisa's wearing down? It's crumbling faster than Weber's theory of a plebiscitarian leader democracy.
Marlon: Got that right, my philial friend. If the Louve doesn't act fast, Miss Mona will serve as a shining example of universal entropy. Hopefully some good will come out of the breakdown; people will finally see the negative effects of a low-carb diet, ha-cha-cha.
Dennis (looking at his sons oddly due to their comments): I tell ya, if this doesn't validate Mendel I don't know what will; this is a perfect example of genetic inheritance at work. Either that, or it's gotta be the Puppy Chow. We'll be right back, my little schlemeels.
(the camera pulls back to show the Millers waving to their applauding audience)
(fade out)
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- ....And it's another sketch. -- Hillary, 18:47:37 05/03/04 Mon
This site doesn't seem so great for getting feedback on sketches (which is often as much my fault as any of yours.) But since I wrote this one for last week, a simple "This is funny/This is not funny" will be helpful, because I would have time this week to write another sketch. I think.
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- I need help with a sketch, anyone have suggestions? -- Jim Bevan, 11:52:45 05/05/04 Wed
It's about halfway done, and I was wondering if someone could offer any tips on ways to wrap it up, or if changes should be made with the current script. Thanks.
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- WU Joke -- Jim Bevan, 22:50:56 05/03/04 Mon
Idea for next week's update, tell me what you think.
Tina Fey: Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney recently proposed reinstating capital punishment in the state, drawing much criticism from leading Democrats in the state. Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy announced his concern over the initiative, asking Romney, (in a Kennedy family voice) "Would this er, ah, death penalty system be, ah, retroactive and apply to rich drunks who, er, had a little mishap while driving their girlfriend home one night years ago?"
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- I think a few adjustments need to be made... -- Hillary, 16:52:10 05/01/04 Sat
...in the department of SNL that books hosts. Maybe you've heard, but May 8: Snoop Dogg with musical guest Avril Lavigne. Avril isn't surprising because she's promoting an album...like every musical guest this year. (Every year?) Is Snoop Dogg doing a movie or something? Or have aliens infiltrated SNL? (Was that a rhetorical question?)
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- Life imitating Art -- Justin Kaplowitz, 08:00:51 05/01/04 Sat
I just found this story on one of the news wires, and I immediately thought of Mario Lanza's "El-Amir's World". It's in the next reply.
J.K.---
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- Bush answers his critics -- jafi.com, 15:23:02 04/29/04 Thu
President Bush answers the tough questions about 9-11.
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- Sketch of what things would be like if George Jr. were president -- Roger Wolsey, 00:04:40 04/29/04 Thu
I need help finding the episode number and date for a particular instance in which Will Farrell portrayed George W. Bush Jr. (either just before or just after the Nov. 2000 elections). The scene takes place in the Oval Office and all hell has broken loose. The room looks like it's been attacked and that D.C. is a war zone. "George" is dissheveled, wearing a suit with holes in it, and is making all sorts of calls on the phone to try to get help.
This sketch took place almost a year before the events of 9/11/01 and it was highly prophetic.
Can anyone help me figure out which episode this was?
Thanks
brotherrog@hotmail.com
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- I like it. Short - quick scketches -- Mike Cutler, 21:16:55 04/25/04 Sun
It's different, very cool site and I thought I would share...couldn't send a specific bit, but check out the work section ones and the misc. section the public service announcement...funny stuff...
www.how2befunny.com
-M
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- Weekend Update Bit -- Prateek Srivastava, 21:42:33 04/23/04 Fri
I know a lot of people are posting up ideas for WU jokes, I have a good bit for weekend update, you guys can read it
and give comments. I don't know if it is kind of old or can it still apply.
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- Ideas for WU Jokes -- Jim Bevan, 08:59:01 04/23/04 Fri
Please see these and let me know what you think, and where I can make improvements:
Jimmy Fallon: The adult film industry is still reeling after it was revealed that two performers tested positive for the HIV virus. Kat Sunlove, a spokeswoman for the pornographic trade industry the Free Speech Coalition commented on the uproar, stating, "It's incredible, I mean, if you can be exposed to a deadly disease having unprotected sex with strange men and women dozens of times a week, then where can you feel safe?"
Tina Fey: In an effort to curb a rise of STDs in the industry, the California branch of OSHA is attempting to adopt a plan to enusre proper condom use in all adult films. This has led to tragedy, however, when six young film stars, inexperienced with condom use and told to place theirs "where the man's penis penetrates," choked to death on their contraceptives.
Jimmy Fallon (incredulous): You know, Tina, this whole porn scare just shows me how strange the world is becoming. I mean, look at it: porn actors are now concerned about sexual diseases, Donald Trump's casinos are going broke, what's next? Will Switzerland decide to start a war? Will WMDs be found in Iraq? Is "The Punisher" going to break box-office records?! I just want a return to normality. (praying) Please God, make things right with the world.
Tina Fey: Despite John Kerry's marriage to Theresa Heinz, heiress to the Heinz Ketchup empire, members of the Heinz executive board are not contributing to the Kerry campaign, but instead to the Bush campaign and the GOP. This shocking development shows the importance of standing by your personal beliefs and policies in the workplace; it's a surefire way to get thrown out on your ass.
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- So, yeah -- CCS, 16:35:45 04/11/04 Sun
As some of you may know, I spent this past Saturday down in NYC experiencing SNL first-hand. It's really a different experience entirely than watching it at home on a television set, with the armies of stage hands constantly in motion and stuff like that. I was fairly straight back from home base, against the back wall in the upper deck that was more of a curatain than a wall. Jimmy Fallon did warm-up, it was eh. He had energy though. Exciting show to watch, even if it turned out not to have produced the funniest stuff ever and Janet really wasn't that great as either host or musical guest. I thought the second musical number was terrible. Anywho, that's it for now, I got stuff to catch up on.
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- Cheri Oteri -- Scott Compton, 14:30:53 04/19/04 Mon
If anyone knows when SNL will be coming out with the Best of Cheri Oteri I would love to find out. She was great on that show. I would love to get a copy of the skit of Collette Rearden when she goes to the drug store to get her perscriptions filled. My sides were sore from laughing.
She was great in any character she did though...
Regards,
Scott, P.E.I., CANADA.
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- New Skit: Schick Razors -- Jim Bevan, 18:21:03 04/11/04 Sun
Let me know what you think of this.
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- REVIEWS: Janet Jackson 04/10/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 01:28:36 04/10/04 Sat
Reviews, critiques, thoughts...
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- OMG, Last night's show had the funniest sketch of the year!!! -- Jim Bevan, 09:53:09 04/11/04 Sun
If you saw last night's show with Janet, I doubt anyone could have restrained themselves from laughing at the winery scene where they talked about "soaking corks" all day long. That was absolutely hilarious! Has to be the best bit of the entire season. "I started cork-soaking in summer camp when I was 15!" A total riot. The best since Pete's Schweddy Balls
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- REVIEWS: Donald Trump 04/03/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 02:07:02 04/03/04 Sat
Reviews, critiques, thoughts...
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- Idea for a WU joke -- Jim Bevan, 19:30:54 04/04/04 Sun
Let me know what you think of this:
Tina Fey: This April 23 marks the 440th anniversary of the birth of the great playwright William Shakespeare. However, his legacy has been tainted due to recently uncovered evidence that suggests he did not write his works, but they were, in fact, produced by one thousand monkeys working at a thousand tiny printing presses for an indefinite amount of time.
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- JPIII, I have a little request -- Jim Bevan, 13:17:04 04/05/04 Mon
I was wondering if you could point out the problems you saw with my Arafat skit, and any spots where I could improve in case I ever do another current events skit.
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- I hope someone can answer my question -- Eric, 23:11:53 04/04/04 Sun
Hi;
I know this is not a sketch idea but I was hoping a diehard Snl fan might have an answer to my question, in last weeks show (episode 1346 with Donald Trump) He did a sketch about Chicken wings, the song they were singing was a farce of another song from the 80's does naybody know the orginal song or where I could find it????
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- Hey, does anyone know -- Prateek Srivastava, 18:39:43 04/06/04 Tue
I using Tim Meadows in a sketch. I need to know
is Tim Meadows doing anything right now or his just disappearing off the face of the earth.
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- Howard Stern -- Hillary, 21:06:55 04/06/04 Tue
This is another celebrity inquiry, I'm thinking about doing a sketch involving people targeted by the FCC (since Janet's hosting) and I feel I can't leave Stern out due to recent events. However, I've never listened to his radio show. (And can't listen to clips of it on the computer because the sound is broken.) I've read a few things he's said, but that's it. Is it possible to do a reasonable parody/comic rendering of him without knowing much about him?
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- the worst thing ever! -- aside from leprosy, 22:04:50 04/05/04 Mon
William Hung (the American Idol guy who sang She Bangs) has an album...this is what's on it...
She Bangs
Bailamos
I believe I Can Fly
Hotel California (He pronounces California like Arnold)
Can You feel the love tonight
Two Worlds (Which I'm pretty sure is from the movie Tarzan)
Rocket Man
Free (I'm not sure really does this song...but it's a dance song)
Circle of Life
YMCA
Shake Your Bon Bon
There are 2 notes on the entire album which are intune.
However, there is a silver lining.
1: His falcetto his hilarious
2: He has reasonably good diction, which makes some of the spanish understandable.
3: He shares some of his inspirational feelings with his audience, and i gotta say...it changed me. (wipes awaya a tear)
But keep in mind this is an off pitch asian who sounds retarded the greater half of the time when he speaks and is trying to sing runs like R Kelly. With really bad kereoke background music.
Although I could see it winning a grammy.
No seriously
For best comedy album.
or for musical sadism...if that's a category.
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- I need some advice -- Jim Bevan, 08:14:14 04/02/04 Fri
I have a good skit I want to do for the Janet Jackson episode that involves parodies of some popular comedians. I already have Gilbert Gottfried and Carrot Top down, but I want to include Janeane Garofalo and Wanda Sykes as well. How do you properly parody those two comediennes?
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