Re: The Return of Misunderstanding Dad -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 21:13:42 02/28/04 Sat
Author: Wes
Subject: Re: The Return of Misunderstanding Dad
In reply to: Wes 's message, "The Return of Misunderstanding Dad" on 21:12:04 02/28/04 Sat

Misunderstanding Dad
By Wes Zack

Father� Chris Parnell
Billy� Will Forte
Mother� Amy Poehler

(Scene opens to home where Father is reading credit card statement.)

Father: What the hell, BILLY GET IN HERE!

(Billy a teenage boy walks in room.)

Father: Son, I know you just took your senior class trip to New York over Christmas break, and I lent you my credit card.

Billy: Yeah.

Father: Well, I�m not upset about the money you spent; I�m upset on what you spent it on.

Billy: Like what?

Father: (Points at statement.) Like this, from the minibar you bought two liters of Coke. Damn son, that�s a lot of cocaine.

Billy: Oh come on Dad, Coke is Coca-Cola!

Father: Lame excuse. (Looks back at statement.) Here you went to a restaurant called �McDonalds�. Huh, never heard of it. Oh, and you ordered more Coke here! Christ, you�re addicted!

Billy: No I�m not dad!

Father: We�ll talk about that later, but I�m even more shocked by this. It says you ordered two movies, which I�m guessing are adult films, called The Italian Job and Holes!

Billy: Wait, Holes is the movie with the kids in it!

Father: Oh, so your into that sort of thing, that�s just gross. Frankly Billy, I�m worried about you. I found these in your bedroom (Holds up bag of red and orange water balloons.) You have condoms! Do you even have a girlfriend?

Billy: Dad, your taking this way too far and I think when Mom gets home we need to have a talk.

(Mother walks through the door.)

Mother: Billy, I got your Coke at the store!

Father: So your mother is your supplier! I suppose �store� is some code word for a guy named Juan on 5th street! You sicken me!

(Father storms out of room.)

Mother: What was that all about?

Billy: Oh, just a misunderstanding!

Mother: Its been a rough day, I need to talk with my friend Jack Daniels.

(Father rushes back in room.)

Father: HAH! Jack Daniels! I caught you now!

Mother: Okay, you caught me, I was going to drink whiskey what are you going to do about it?

Father: (stunned by last statement) Uhh� well I don�t know.

Mother: I know how paranoid you are, you can�t stand your own vices so you cover up yours by trying to pin vices on us.

Father: Okay, it�s true. I have a lot of problems. I�ve had 268 affairs, and some of them weren�t even with women.

Billy: Eww, dad that�s gross.

Father: I know son, I�ve also had over 6 different kinds of Chlamydia, some of those also not from women.

Mother: Oh honey, I forgive you.

Father: Really?

Mother: Hell no, come on Billy let�s get the hell out of here.

Billy: Yeah, you sicken me dad!

(Father looks sad for seconds then gets happy look on face. Goes over to telephone and dials number.)

Father: Hello, are these the owners of Scrapps the dog? Oh great, look I really need to see Scrapps tonight and� hello�hello. Damn it! What does a man have to do to get a dog in this town?

(Sketch fades out)

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Replies:

Re: The Return of Misunderstanding Dad -- jennings, 21:22:35 02/28/04 Sat
Re: The Return of Misunderstanding Dad -- s, 22:52:30 03/03/04 Wed