Reviews from an alternate universe -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 01:06:37 03/15/04 Mon
Author: CCS
Subject: Reviews from an alternate universe
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Ben Affleck 03/13/04" on 00:48:50 03/13/04 Sat

Well, break's over and I'm back at school. Figured I'd do something a little differentish with the reviews this time. After my briefish review of each sketch, I will suggest an alternate ending. Why? Because one of the hardest things about writing sketch comedy is the ending. The sketch builds and gains momentum but just doesn't seem to hit hard at the end. So, away we go.

cold open - one thing that I really wanna talk about with this sketch is premise. The source and perspective from which you attack the sketch, in order to produce jokes. You basically have two premises here: 1. George W. is a pop culture fanatic; 2. George W. and John Kerry look alike. When doing sketches about celebrities, politicians, etc. it really is funniest and most on-target if your premises are just an exaggeration of the truth. The truth is, George W. is not a pop culture fanatic. MJR II is a pop culture fanatic, but Bush is not. So it feels awkward that Bush would be portrayed as such; it helps to write in character. As to the second one, uhh, I guess they kind of do, umm, it's not really that funny of an idea though. In an alternate universe: You would play up on the Kerry looking like Bush by doing a switcheroo towards the end and having Kerry say LFNY

monologue - i noticed on the boards that someone mentioned MJR II having three sketches up, and that being more than allowed. Well, I think basically it had to do with needing to fill the space, since no one's submitting much. Also, co-written stuff generates a tad more leniency. So, that's my response to that. Onto the sketch. This is harder to read for people unfamiliar with the characters. For example, some people may not know lunchbox is Jay's nickname for Silent Bob. I applaud JP on giving this a shot despite having not seen any of the Jay and Silent Bob films. The transitions need work. Things just don't flow in this sketch at all, and the lead-ins feel like hack jobs. I'd say look at the monologue Affleck actually used to see transitions that flow well. In an alternate universe: You wouldn't abuse the 'joke' of Silent Bob speaking, he does it like once a movie - and when he does it's something a bit less inane (the whole 'Chasing Amy' monologue).

jayson blair - Some good bizarre silliness in his stories, and misrembrance of Paycheck works. I have to wonder whether Jayson Blair is really considered timely these days, although Bevan mentioned that he's back in the news so I'll assume I'm just not keeping track of the CNNings well enough. The Tommy Flannagan reference could go. In an alternate universe: I think a joke refering to the advertisement itself would end this one well. For example, "Coming to Fox News this Fall. Hey, would we lie to you?"

pool hustled - first things first, this marks a full year of JPIII sketches. I think a problem with this sketch is that too many of the twists are clearly visibly before they come. The idea that Tony is gonna weasel Derrick out of just a few bucks is fairly well understood throughout the sketch, so comes as little surprise. The ass lice stuff works ok as accessory dialogue, but it just seems to be built on a rather obvious structure. In an alternate universe: It builds a little bit more, Tony takes off with a bit less, and once Derrick runs after Tony it is revealed Tizzy and Mookie were in on the plot to seperate Derrick from his seventy-five cents.

zechtinoxophin - the problem that this sketch suffered from, I believe, is the exact same thing my Firth sketch suffered from - a tendency to stick with the original idea, for good or ill, instead of let the sketch develop and grow. The sketch keeps coming back to the drug, when it feels like there is some good character humor just on the cusp of spilling out. In an alternate universe: The Doctor in this sketch is both worried about whether he is gay, and trying to entice Courtney to make out with him. Perhaps because he wants to make out with her, and decide whether he found it more stimulating than the guy who was in his office before.

dollar bills - what would have helped this sketch a bit would be if Thomas transitioned from normal to angry a tad smoother. He goes straight from "Sorry, I don't drink tea" in the beginning to a rather harsh threat of violence. I think it would have been a bit more interesting if the creeps on the phone weren't so interchangeable... if they had a tiny bit more individuality. The twist of having someone track his apartment number was good. Some of the explanation was a bit on the wordy/plotty side, unfortunately. In an alternate universe: Tough, cause this sketch had a strong finish. For a possible alternate ending, before Steve pays Thomas off, a woman in a dress approaches, mentions seeing the number, Thomas kicks Steve out, goes for the woman, who reveals herself to the audience only to be a dude in drag.

dubya update - well, it's a good thing the WU focuses on a wide array of targets. "Not because it was an �anti-gay� position, but because he confused Rosie O� Donnell with Elton John." wins Hack Joke of the Week, as SNL already did an Elton John - Rosie O'Donnell mixup in Versace last month. In an alternate universe: The news wouldn't be logjammed with disheartening reports of a bombing in Spain that makes it virtually impossible to find good targets for jokes.

lord of the rings v - the Clue joke was extremely clever. I think you meant to say Arwen is gonna be played by Lil Kim, not Liv Tyler. This isn't a Steven Tyler biopic. I liked the "Do you know me?" stuff, which, if it went over well, would nearly require you to pull these characters out again. Could you still come up with more DYKM gags? That's what it would become, by the way, DYKM. This kind of dragged once the math started superseding the bizarre casting choices. In an alternate universe: The turning point is when Jackson gives it the go-ahead. Instead, he could possibly lobby for more nude scenes, which would be funny, because it's a complete turnabout on his part. Alternately, he could turn it down, which would be followed by one of the three giving Kim (off-screen) an order to put her clothes back on.

newspaper clippings - i finally decided to try writing something from my actual life experience. All the old people are loose almagamations of the elderly at my church. Not sure how well the sketch works as a whole, but like JPIII, this completes a full year for me. In an alternate universe: I'd find a reasonable way to get the characters to get off-screen rather than this bizarre abrupt walk-off.

prison bachelor - i think you skated around a bit too much with how the prisoner was reacting to his friend trying to set up dates. There were a few too many themes being used for such a shortish, two person piece. The major one seems to be that the prisoner is obviously gay, in which case I think you could have done a better job playing off his friend's obliviousness. The stuff about why he's in the slammer wasn't too funny and the just plain freaky don't seem to work, I think you should only play the prisoner as either nit-picky or gay. In an alternate universe: His friend may be oblivious, but in reality his body is all the prisoner wants. So he dispatches his friend to find another girl and report back, simply to spend more time with him. Perhaps ending with a comment on what the friend should be wearing on return.

scrabble - there's some solid stuff in here, but I think you spent too much time having John Madden say poop in childish ways. The drawing on the scrabble board is very funny, but once again, I think you need a slightly stronger recurring device than a poop fascination. I think you'd be ok to assume a bit more audience familiarity with Scrabble. The Kucinich stuff seems a bit outdated, perhaps Nader? In an alternate universe: One of the Scrabble combatants has to deal with an on-court injury.

advertisement inc. - unfortunately, your best line ("There's a brothel across the street?") was followed by your most wooden line. The intro could use a tad more humor than just repetition of the phrase "condom brand condoms." Most of the drama seems to be set-up to a big ending, which I felt was only alright. So I'll skip right to In an alternate universe: Steve doesn't come back to shoot everyone, he comes back to commit some heavy acts of arson and property damage. Irony is played upon in that the place is too run down to really be ruined anymore.

drunken news - i like the idea and concept of this, but honestly, they guys don't seem too drunk. Sure, all their comments are about alcohol, but I think half of the joke should be about the news anchors being drunk themselves. Not one slip, stutter, slurred speech or projectile vomit. In an alternate universe: The sketch would develop into a gigantic shouting match involving two of the guys having slept with the other guy's sister.

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Happy anniversary CCS and JPIII -- Matteo, 16:28:52 03/17/04 Wed