Sketch idea - "DWBSM's" - input appreciated -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 20:24:56 08/04/06 Fri
Author: Mattae"O"
Subject: Sketch idea - "DWBSM's" - input appreciated

Dumpy Man - Darrel Hammond
Announcer - Chris Parnell
Dave O'Brien - Unsure
Maurice - Undecided
Female Caller - Unsure
Chubby Woman - I don't know yet

Cut to a dumpy, mullet haired, middle aged, blue golf shirt and jeans wearing man talking into camera for a commercial.

Dumpy Man - And please, support the big three by buying domestic, even if their cars aren't as reliable as Japanese cars, or as stylish as European cars, or as reliable either...or as stylish as Japanese cars. Please. Really Plea--- The camera frame freezes with the mans mouth agape.

Announcer - This message brought to you by the United Auto Workers of America, urging you to support America by buying domestic - please, cause we only build 'em, not design 'em -it's not our faults! Were talking our livelyhoods here, our kids futures, and the whole brotherhood of unionists! So C'mon, we might just scratch your car if it's a forei--- The announcer's audio is suddenly cut off, and we cut to what appears to be another late night talk show host sitting behind a desk. The audience claps and cheers.

Dave O'Brien - Welcome back to the late night, obscure cable tv conservative talk show. I'm your host, Dave O'Brien. (People cheer) God bless America. (People cheer wildly) (Gets all fired up as he says next line) God bless the bible!!! (People cheer like crazy) Ya! The bibles awesome. (A few people cheer) Tonights topic is a common one - who's to blame for the crisis in the middle east, and what's wrong with America. (One guy whistles and then shouts "Luv ya Dave O'Brien, you speak it as it is!")

Thank you, and I love America! (People cheer) Ya know, at commercial break, I got to really thinking about what the problem is here - the whole wide problem. Do you know what the problem here is Maurice?

Cut to Maurice, a black man in his 60's, who happens to be the band leader of the show. He's wearing dark sunglasses and might remind you of Ray Charles, with his big grin and all.

Maurice - Ahhh, I don't know. What is the problem here Dave?

Dave OBrien - Well, if we could just go back to a clip of the second last caller, maybe you'll pick it up.

Cut to Dave at his desk as he taps a button on his phone.

Dave O'Brien - Hello caller, you are on the late night shift with Dave O'Brien.

Female Caller - Yes, I'd just like to comment on the middle east....and America as a whole.

Dave O'Brien - (Rolls his eyes) Oh boy. Go ahead.

Female caller - Ya know, I'm really frightened - I'm really, really frightened by what I see - not only by what's going on in Lebanon, but by what is going on in THIS country. (Dave shakes his head in disbelief)
I'm very concerned for my childrens future. What I'm talking about is this Neo-con attitude by our government. We need to stop fanning the flames of hate and start fanning the fires of reconciliation.

Dave O'Brien - And how my dear do you suggest we do that?

Female Caller - I truly think we should send Bill Clinton to the middle east - AND - elect Hillary Clinton as President.

Dave O'Brien - And why not send Jimmy Carter too so he can feel useful?

Female Caller - That is a good idea. Please, for our childrens futures, so they can continue to go to school and play soccer after school, we need to change.

Dave O'Brien - Thank you caller - well, not really.

Cut back to Dave in present time.

Dave O'Brien - Did you pick up what I was talking about Maurice?

Maurice - No.

Dave O'Brien - Would you like me to tell you what the whole problem with the middle east and with America is Maurice?

Maurice - As a matter of fact, I would Dave. I would like to know.

Dave O'Brien - Ok, I'll tell you Maurice - it's D-W-B-S-M's.

Cut to Maurice with a quizzical look on his face.

Maurice - That's an abbreviation! God damn! (He covers his mouth as if he said a real bad word)

Dave O'Brien - Yes it is Maurice, and it stands for Dumb White Bitch Soccer Moms. (He kinda looks around for a sense of what people in the audience think, his head bobbing around, as if he thinks he just revealed the biggest revelation - a little cocky and sure of himself).

Maurice - (Kinda feeling it out as he says this) Dumb white bitch soccer moms. Ain't that the truth!

The audience kind of claps. Somebody yells "Your Awesome Maurice!" Maurice just nods.

Dave O'Brien - Dumb white bitch soccer moms indeed. That is the whole problem with America, and I tell you people, and with what's going on in the middle east. Who keeps shouting anti-America slogans on the streets Maurice?

Maurice - Dumb white bitch soccer moms.

Dave O'Brien - Who is uninformed of the real issues in this country?

Maurice - Dumb white bitch soccer moms.

Dave O'Brien gets up and begins to walk about.

Dave O'Brien - Who was responsible for getting Bill Clinton elected? - TWICE!!

Maurice - Dumb white bitch soccer moms.

Dave walks up to the audience and asks a chubby woman in her late 30's -

Dave O'Brien - And who's going to be responsible for getting Hillary Clinton elected?

Chubby Lady - (Shy and smiling) Dumb white bitch soccer moms?

Dave O'Brien - Exactamundo. Now your not one of them are you?

Chubby Lady - No.

Dave O'Brien - I didn't think so otherwise you probably wouldn't be here - you my sweet lady, are nothing like them. You are informed of the real issues in America, AND the middle east. Maurice?

Maurice - Dumb white bitch soccer moms.

Dave O'Brien - Exactly. We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsers!!! (All excited)

Fade Out

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Replies:

Send it to Patrick -- Jason, 10:58:07 08/06/06 Sun