- Potential WU jokes -- Hillary, 19:39:44 04/01/04 Thu
Some of this is slightly older news because of the 2 week break. I give the real story first, then do a line break, then give the joke. "OR" means another potential joke.
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- Anyone gonna leave feedback on my skit -- Jim Bevan, 19:46:28 03/30/04 Tue
Nobody has any comments? Is everyone here a Palestinian supporter so they take offense to the skit? I need to know if it's funny or not.
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- JANUARY 17, 2004 Weekend update Question -- Marc, 10:29:15 04/01/04 Thu
Hey, I have a quick question for ya... On JANUARY 17, 2004 Weekend Update episode, gituars were thrown at Jimmy, they were spoofing a band who's gituarist was arrested for assault, what was the name of the band???????
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- Sketch idea: An address from Yasir Arafat -- Jim Bevan, 10:04:24 03/29/04 Mon
Here's my idea for a CO, let me know what you think of it or how to improve it.
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- downey sucks -- jafi.com, 18:20:51 03/27/04 Sat
Hey kids.
I personally don't like the guy.
I think he's a tool.
I think downey Shoots up deer in the Park.
With smack.
I am not guilty of anything.
James Downey has planted a subliminal message to me
watching the Hally Berry episode of SNL.
or at least anywhere their is a deer park.
Downey has tried to make as many people who watch snl go out and kill black people.
patriots over panthers in houston.
the super bowl is rigged.
the murder of innocent black people in houston
the message is contained in the tom brokaw sketch
dpak schoprah
is the message
which sounds like
deer park shoot oprah.
that is the subliminal message.
implanted in the sketch.
as ordered by the kkk.
of sound mind jafi.com timothy wayne allen
3-27-04
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- REVIEWS: Ben Affleck 03/13/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 00:48:50 03/13/04 Sat
Let's stick with just reviews in this thread - let everyone know what you think of one another's posted sketches, instead of bawling about sketches that couldn't be fit in.
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- A clarification on Norm MacDonald -- Jim Bevan, 20:30:26 03/23/04 Tue
A while back, Mark Jennings Reese and I penned a skit in which Norm Macdonald was treated harshly. JPIII criticized us for treating him as a "prattling fool" and an "unfunny imbecille". I just wanted to finally state my position on Norm MacDonald; for all I know, he is a very intelligent man, but in my opinion he was never very humorous. All his impressions (Bob Dole, Marv Albert, Larry King) were done in the same voice, he had no modulation for his imitations like Darrell Hammond does. All of his Update Jokes were very weak, occasionally drawn out, and many of them had recurring unhumorous punchlines: Bill Clinton's ethical violations, O.J.'s guilt, Germany loving David Hasselhoff, Frank Stallone, ect. He did have a few funny lines, though I doubt he came up with those witticisms himself. If anyone wishes to see my evidence, go to the SNL transcript site and check the Norm MacDonald Weekend Update bits, you'll see that practically all of them aren't very funny. That's my opinion, and that's where I stand.
PS: I personally feel Kevin Nealon was the best Update anchor, second was Dennis Miller, third Jane Curtin, and then Colin Quinn.
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- Advice -- Prateek Srivastava, 00:53:38 03/21/04 Sun
Who do you guys think would be the most appropriate person to portray Danny Glover. I need him for a sketch in which he complains about Mel Gibson's movie success.
Also, who does the voices for the Ambigously Gay Duo and the voices for the X-Presidents. I am just curious.
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- Nightline -- jafi.com, 19:18:00 03/20/04 Sat
Howard Dean learns the hard truths.
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- List: Most Tasteless, yet humorous, SNL sketches -- Jim Bevan, 09:00:37 03/15/04 Mon
Since E will not be revealing the 101 best SNL moments, I have decided to do a little countdown of my own. These are the most offensive SNL skits that make you laugh harder than you've ever laughed before. It's a top 10, based on my personal opinion. If anyone has any qualms with it, feel free to post your own for comparison. Anyway, enjoy, and try see these sketches as soon as possible. You'll love them.
Top 10 Offensive, but Humorous, SNL sketches:
10.) Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute
9.) Racist Word Association
8.) Talkin' 'Bout 'Ginas
7.) Jingleheimer Junction
6.) Josh Ramsey, V.D. Caseworker
5.) Carvel Ice Cream's Dirty Christmas Dishes (Jingle Buns, Santa Snowballs, big chocolate Yule log, ect.)
4.) Delicious Dish, featuring "Schweddy Balls"
3.) Nude Beach
2.) Lord and Lady Douchebag
1.) Il Cantore Restaurant (Come on, you can't not laugh at this. Laugh-a for-a bellisima Kirstie Alley!)
Honorable Mentions: Any of the "Uncle Roy" skits featuring Buck Henry; Nazi Superman; Canteen Boy; the E. Buzz Miller pieces.
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- Sorry I couldn't contribute this week -- Jim Bevan, 13:34:16 03/12/04 Fri
I was pretty swamped with schoolwork, and didn't have a chance to get any skits down. Don't worry, with luck I'll have one ready for the next update. Can't wait to read tomorrow's show.
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- New Sketch I'm Working On -- Wes, 19:18:30 03/08/04 Mon
I'm going to post the badly underwritten sketch below, this is just an idea of what I have in mind for this one. If anyone would like to work on this with me, please email me.
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- People fired and who might be next -- Alex Calloway, 19:06:03 03/07/04 Sun
Hey, so I just got to thinking about it, and it finally hit me on Colin Firth show that Jeff Richards was gone. So, uh, and idea why? Also, is it just me or is Kenan not working out. He's good performing for kids on All That, but on SNL it just doesn't seem right. Maybe they should bring Kel on, revive the comedy duo, and somehow revitalize SNL, but that option is a longshot.
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- REVIEWS: Colin Firth 03/06/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 01:54:33 03/06/04 Sat
Here he is, whoever he is! Let's have some real reviews around here, no confusing the real show for the better one!
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- Reviews...CO and Mono -- JPIII, 09:45:54 03/06/04 Sat
- Reviews...Coming this November and Buzz and Sal Jr. -- JPIII, 13:39:01 03/06/04 Sat
- Reviews...Father Tim and Overlooked Sports Stars -- JPIII, 10:45:03 03/07/04 Sun
- Weekend Update Review -- JPIII, 18:08:39 03/07/04 Sun
- Okay... -- Wes, 18:37:52 03/07/04 Sun
- Re: REVIEWS: Colin Firth 03/06/04 -- JPIII, 18:46:49 03/08/04 Mon
- JPIII reviews -- Since he's not getting much back, hope this will do., 19:54:48 03/08/04 Mon
- Jen has something to say, -- because somethings need to be said, 00:31:46 03/09/04 Tue
- Has E! shown the 101 best SNL moments yet? -- Jim Bevan, 20:14:05 03/07/04 Sun
I remember seeing an ad a while back for the 101 best moments of Saturday Night Live, but I haven't seen it anywhere on the show, or any knowledge of it on the E website. Can someone here help me find out when it will be on?
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- Mark's opening skit -- Jim Bevan, 21:53:18 03/04/04 Thu
Here's the CO Mark and I worked on. Hope you all enjoy it. And thanks again for letting me work with you, Mark.
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- Anyone wanna help write a cold opening for next Saturday's show? -- Jennings, 21:08:08 02/28/04 Sat
I've already started writing a sketch for Colin Firth. If you are interested in helping the sketch along or want to add your own humor to it, email me!
sny_writer@yahoo.com
Thanks!
Mark Jennings Reese II
VOTE...anyone but Bush in November!
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- The Return of Misunderstanding Dad -- Wes, 21:12:04 02/28/04 Sat
revisions have been made...enjoy!
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- Oscar sketch.. -- Hillary (new here), 17:29:00 03/02/04 Tue
I'm writing a sketch pertaining to the Oscars...no red carpet stuff, if anyone's writing that. I'm not sure I want to say what it's about because surprise is part of the humor here..It involves LOTR getting best picture, and Steven Spielberg presented that award. I don't know much about what he's like, so:
-Who would do a good, brief Spielberg? I'm using a lot of the cast members in this sketch..It can't be Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, or Darrell Hammond. I haven't cast Colin Firth yet in this sketch because I hardly know who he is. No special guests, I already have one in this sketch.
-What kind of stuff could I use for an introductory sort of joke involving Spielberg? I know he's a famous director, that's about it. Does he have any amusing mannerisms? Or, should I just have him play it straight?
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- Can't Access MSN Chat -- Patrick Lonergan, 22:20:41 02/29/04 Sun
I've been having this problem for the past 3 weeks. Of 4 attempts to get in, I accomplished it once (last Sunday). I couldn't get in last Thursday, the Thursday before, or tonight). Has anyone else experienced the same problem? I don't know.. if I can't access the chat room, we may have to revert back to Yahoo or find a new alternative altogether.
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- Appropriately Posted! -- Prateek Srivastava, 15:36:15 02/24/04 Tue
Here, I wanted to show you my sketch and now it is appropriately POSTED. I would appreciate some comments now, thanks.
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- REVIEWS: Christina Aguilera 02/21/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 18:22:01 02/21/04 Sat
I've been out working all day, but here's the review post. If anyone has something for a monologue, send it in and we'll get it up as soon as possible!
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- WU -- JP, 20:37:47 02/27/04 Fri
Last night Wes brought a hilarious news story about an exploding whale into chat. I was thinking that if you've found a news story that you think is topical or interesting enough to be used for WU and don't have any plans to write a joke for it, you might want to post it here for others to take a crack at. It could be a way for those who don't normally contribute to WU to become a part of it. Luv WU, be a part of WU.
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- The Guestbook Section -- Wes, 20:44:08 02/27/04 Fri
See reply for rant.
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- WU -- JP, 20:32:52 02/27/04 Fri
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- Respond Please -- Prateek Srivastava, 21:36:35 02/08/04 Sun
I'm Prateek Srivastava, I posted the sketch, Thanksgiving Memory, 1,2,3. I would like to say to Ken, the only person who actually critiqued my work, that you are right. This little story is made for sit-coms and is not that good for SNL. I guess, that is what this site is about, putting your ideas, because they are just ideas. I also wanted to say that Ken, you graded my sketch. With the D, but uh, you could have given some more feedback. That is really why I put my sketches. because I really some critquing, I don't care if you say it's bad, but tell e why and what I can do to improve. Anyone else who read my sketch I would appreciate some feedback on how it was. I really want to know how it was.
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- REVIEWS: Drew Barrymore 02/14/04 -- Patrick Lonergan, 02:08:33 02/14/04 Sat
Much too quiet with the Mullally comments. Perhaps you'll enjoy Barrymore instead!
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- Mark, loved your Bush address -- Jim Bevan, 07:49:03 02/14/04 Sat
- One quick point -- Scott, 12:47:50 02/14/04 Sat
- My reviews bring all the boys to the yard -- Lovesick Wescalade, 12:55:10 02/14/04 Sat
- Save Richards and more. -- Prateek Srivastava, 14:36:13 02/14/04 Sat
- Reviews and the Reviewing Reviewer who Reviews them -- S-Calade, 20:21:31 02/14/04 Sat
- I Got A Big Mouth -- CCS, 04:25:20 02/15/04 Sun
- Re: REVIEWS: Drew Barrymore 02/14/04 -- Prateek Srivastava, 13:17:02 02/16/04 Mon
- Lazy ass reviews -- Ken, 02:00:25 02/17/04 Tue
- Brace yourselves -- Jen Reviews, 21:18:51 02/19/04 Thu
- Cold Opening rd. -- Prateek Srivastava, 18:09:52 02/22/04 Sun
What do you guys think of this Cold Opening. It starts as a commercial, but becomes something even more crazy.
A Very Interesting Trailer
Announcer: Don Pardo
Narrator: Chris Parnell
Keith: Horatio Sanz
Mother’s Voice: some unknown old woman’s voice.
Cop: Host
Lorne Michaels: himself
Ashton Kutcher: himself(special cameo)
We open with the SNL bumper, but suddenly the screen freezes and the Announcer’s voice comes on.
Announcer: Before we begin Saturday Night Live, we would like to show an all new trailer, from a famous movie company. They have given us some funding so we can finally have sketches with more than one set. So sit back, don’t change to Comedy Central, and watch the commercial
(The screen becomes black and suddenly a voice is heard)
Narrator: Coming this summer, to theaters.
(Large block letters come right at you onto the screen)
THE ULTIMATE MOVIE
(The screen then freezes)
Narrator: Yes it is the ultimate movie, why is it the ultimate? Well, just watch.
(A clip is rolled showing ET, the epic finger touching scene. Then cut to a black screen again)
Narrator: That’s right, to avoid any risk in losing our audience. We are just taking clips from famous movies and made one big movie out of that.
Narrator: Why are we doing it, because, these days original creativity movies are not making money. Look at the figures, new creative movies’ sales are down.
(Cut to a cheap hand drawn chart with a downward arrow).
Narrator: Back to the movie, this really is a high quality movie, we have Oscar nominated scenes and state of the art technology. Well not that state of the art, most of these movies are from 80's and 70's.
(Cut to a clip of Star Wars, the Death Star scene and then fade to black)
Narrator: This is an exclusive movie, only to be shown in the finest of theaters, like the exclusive back area basement of our good friend Keith.
( Cut to a clip of an overweight guy with glasses. The camera pans to show a small barely lit basement.)
Keith: Hi I’m Keith, this is my basement, you can watch the Ultimate movie here, no hassles from the cops, er, uh. No hassles of popcorn or any types of snacks. Just a great bachelor pad’s sweet tv.
Mother’s voice: Keith, what are you doing down there.
Keith:(he looks embarrassed) nothing mother.
Mother: When are you going to get a job, Keith you are 30 years old and all you doing is sitting in that basement and you haven’t bathed for a week.
Keith: Mother, I have company-.
Narrator: No you idiot, don’t tell her, no uh.
Keith: Mother, don’t come down, I’ll get a job soon.
Mother: I will go warm the tub, and then I will get the loofah out so I can finally clean your ears.
Keith: No, Mother, I-
(We suddenly cut to the black screen again)
Narrator: So come on down and see our great movie, the Ultimate Movie. It has all the best scenes, and that’s not all. Earlier we talked about how they are not really the state of the art technology of today that has all changed because right now, we have another picture coming soon. Yes, it is called the Ultimate Movie to the max or as we call it the Maxed out Ultimate Movie. Yes, all your favorite movies to their maximum audio and visual quality, it’s the movies to the max.
Actually, we lied that is not the max. It is for the next month, but then look out. It’s the Maxed out Ultimate movie-Re-maxed. Yes a sequel with even more high tech quality. Well, no new footage, but more movie magic, TO THE MAX. So now, you think that is it. The Ultimate movie, then, the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie, and then the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie Re-maxed. But, that is not all. Yes, there is the highest quality picture, with the surround sound of the ages. High Definition, and the best quality scenes, it is everything you have seen, maxed out to it’s fullest capabilities. And when we mean maxed out, we mean until an even more special and high tech version of the movie comes out. We are talking about the Ultimate Maxed out movie Extravaganza, I am talking about the-
(There is an abrupt ending as the screen suddenly shuts off and we the camera zooms out to show that what you were seeing was just on a television screen. It zooms out to show the office of Lorne Michaels. He is sitting at his desk. There is a cop next to him with a remote.)
Cop: Sorry Mr. Michaels. But this company has infringed on copyright laws. They stole the clips for their movie by just downloading from internet.
Lorne Michaels: They never did give me that money.
Cop: We arrested them this afternoon with charges of piracy, there was never any money.
Lorne: No money!
Cop: I’m sorry, but as the consumers of the piracy, SNL execs will all have to come down for questioning. I’m sorry that this is interfering the show.
Lorne: No money!( He is in this trance and is not listening to the cop)
Cop: Are you listening?
Lorne Michaels: What (he is startled and he tries to pay attention now)
Cop: You guys here at SNL have to come down, for questioning, you were involved and have to give your input.
Lorne Michaels: You mean I have to go with you right now.
Cop: Yes I am sorry about interfering with the show. I hate to ruin some high quality comedy.
Lorne Michaels: (in his Dr. Evil tone of voice) Right! Some really high quality comedy(sarcastically).
Cop: Grab your staff and let’s go.
Lorne Michaels: How about you overlook our involvement, I really don’t want to go anywhere, I mean the show is getting less funny, my key players are people like Horatio Sanz, and Seth Meyers. I mean this is torture. I need to scrounge up funds.
Cop: Come on, I just cannot overlook anything. What do you think I am just some cop that over looks things. Is it cause I talk like a hick.
Lorne Michaels: Look, I am not saying anything.
(He gets a good look at the cop)
Lorne: Hey has anyone told you, you look like “the host”
Cop: Uh, no, what kind of person would think that.
Lorne: Okay fine, how about you let us off the hook and I let you say it. Yes, the most infamous phrase of SNL
Cop: Oh, uh well, I’ve always wanted that.
Lorne Michaels: So, officer were there any problems here in Studio 8H.( He has a confident expression on his face)
Cop: Nope, there was nothing at all. In fact, I will be going now. But, before I do, I have just one thing to say.
Lorne Michaels: What is that?( He is in anticipation, because he knows the cop will say the phrase)
Cop: That I don’t accept bribes!
Lorne: Whaat!
(The cop pushes Lorne the wall and handcuffs him)
Cop: Hey Mr. Michaels one more thing. You just got Punk’d.
Lorne: Oh god!
(Suddenly all these crew members for the show Punk’d run at Lorne Michaels. The camera pans to show Ashton Kutcher walking onto the set)
Lorne: I thought the Punk’d show was done?
Ashton Kutcher: Yeah, well, Butterfly Effect sucked the Box Office, and I need money. So, I got this idea to Punk out another failing thing, SNL. I mean you are getting less and less funny now. So I thought, this show would want money. So I thought of this bit where a company that is corrupt, wants ad space.
Lorne: Well, you did take up the ad space so how about you pay right now.
Ashton Kutcher: Why do we have to pay, in fact there is a new rule. Whoever we Punk, has to pay us. That will be 5 grand.
Lorne Michaels: Hah, I get it, it’s a another Punk.
Ashton Kutcher: Hell no, I ain’t lying now. Now get the money or I will get P.diddy’s thugs out here for all y’all. Yeah, I be the homie of P diddy. Why, cause I am Ashton “Mofo” Kutcher.
(He grab’s an AK-47 from his Pants, and the crew members start to scatter throughout the building. Lorne is just bewildered at this point and sits down at his desk. Ashton then looks and faces the camera.)
Ashton Kutcher: Yeah, hey wassup America, I’m your heartthrob now and you will eat my every word. So “Live From New York it’s Saturday Night!”.
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- Another joke to added to Weekend Update -- Jennings, 13:57:54 02/20/04 Fri
Jimmy Fallon: President Bush said on Friday, “I want to see this Mel Gibson film ‘The Passion of The Christ’ like everyone else”. Asked to comment on this, George Bush, Sr. said, (like Dana Carvey's Bush) “If Georgie wants to see it, he’ll have to ask me first and maybe I’ll take him. That’s a rated ‘R’ film which means it’s scary, scary!”
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- Suggestions to take your writing to a higher level -- Matteo, 12:58:36 02/20/04 Fri
I'm not a pro or anything, but I have strong personal opinion's about what constitutes a good sketch. Click the reply below to see my advice to take your sketches to a higher level.
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- One of the classic sketches -- Matteo, 18:28:18 02/19/04 Thu
I went way, way back to look at some of the classic sketches I reviewed when I first began reviewing, and happened upon one of the funniest. It's called Walmart Greeter, by JP Ragan. Robert Deniro was host.
I suggest you go and read it because it will make you laugh. And you might become a better writer by just looking it over.
To bad this one couldn't have been done when Deniro was hosting, as I recall, the episode was pretty lame.
Another Idea I have is to add a small section on who are the top writers here, and what are the best sketches of all time. Why? We gotta get SOMEBODY HERE some actual WORK! I mean, has a hiring agent or producer ever come to this site, only to find the amount of sketches to overwhelming to sift through? Does he only read a few, which happen to be poor, then quit reading?
I mean, there should be a section entitled "Writers available for work" with a list of their top 5 sketches to. I mean, it personally bothers me to see so many great sketches that not only belong on SNL, but that are better than most SNL sketches, not being used.
Anyone else on the same wavelength here? I mean, you've got to prepare for the day when someone with hiring abilities might come across this place.
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- Sketch Idea -- Prateek Srivastava, 13:39:56 02/16/04 Mon
I have this great Idea.
Anyone remember that VH1 show, Bands reunited. Well, howabout a bands reunited for 2020. We can take a group that currently has problems and see what they are like in the future. I was thinking like using N-Sync, reunited, seeing how their lives are in 2020, all 5 of them, Justin completely ghetto, That lance guy is in space, so the final performance, tries to go on in space, but fails. What do you guys think.
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