Re: Dereck's Cult -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, [5], 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 21:57:35 03/12/05 Sat
Author: Hillary
Subject: Re: Dereck's Cult
In reply to: Jim Bevan 's message, "Dereck's Cult" on 17:03:12 03/12/05 Sat

(open on a university setting, the hall outside a classroom. Students are passing through the hallway, heading to their other classes. Two students, Gary and Shayvone, are standing by a bulletin board and chatting.)

Gary (upset): Oh God, that exam was a killer!

Shayvone (equally exasperated): Tell me about it, man!
What kind of name is Shayvone? Is that a Jewish name?

Gary: My friends all told me, "Take Classic Lit., Gary. It's the easiest class around, man. The professor's a total lightweight." Yeah, he is unless he DIES and the course is taken over by Dr. Tremain, a book-loving geek who actually takes that crap SERIOUSLY!
Use italics for "seriously," I tend to think that caps should only be used for shouting really loud.

Shayvone: He is killing my GPA. I swear, I should probably just sleep with him to boost my grade.

Gary: Nah. It won't work, believe me.

(Shayvone looks at him oddly. Gary buries his face in his hands.)
I think it would be better if he didn't cover his face, and just looked really embarrassed. His expression is part of the humor.

Gary (embarrassed): I had him last year for my humanities class. It was not one of my proudest moments.

(Shayvone nods in understanding. Dereck, another student and a friend of the two, walks up to them)

Dereck (cheerfully): Hey Gary, hey Shayvone. How you guys doin'?

Gary: We could be doing a lot better. Let's leave it at that.

Dereck: Aw, man, sorry things aren't going so well. This may not be the best time to ask, but do you guys wanna join my cult?

(Gary and Shayvone look at him with odd stares on their faces)

Shayvone (incredulous): Your what?

Dereck (proudly): Yeah. I started a cult, and I need some members. You guys interested?

Gary (still trying to comprehend the issue): What, uh, exactly is this cult going to do, Dereck?

Dereck: Oh, you know... mmmn, (shrugs) cult stuff. Our first meeting is Friday, I'd be glad to have you guys as members.

Gary: I'm sorry, D-man, but this is all just too strange. You seemed to be a pretty solid guy, and now you're telling us you're starting a cult? It's just too... bizarre. I mean, you're a cool guy and all, but I don't want to be brainwashed by any propaganda films or will-breaking chants or anything...

(Dereck holds up his arms and waves them in front of his friends)

Dereck: Woah woah woah, you're jumping too far ahead, Gary. Propaganda films? Dude, I can't stand Michael Moore. No man, I was thinking we'd watch "Garden State" or "Ray." Those movies rock!

Shayvone: So... no chants or anything like that?

Dereck: Well, if you guys wouldn't mind, we could do some lines from my playwriting class.

(Gary and Shayvone look at Dereck oddly, thinking he doesn't really understand what he's talking about)

Gary: Dereck this, uh, this doesn't seem like an average cult. What's it called?

Dereck: Dereck's cult. (He smiles proudly, but his expression wavers as he sees the strange look on his friends faces.) What? Okay, I know it's not that original and it's kind of egotistical, but all the good cult names were taken. I mean, you've got the Moonies, Heaven's Gate, the Libertarian Party... hell, Dereck's Clut was the best name I could come up with.
Ha...I thought that was funny just because it was so random...but maybe it would be funnier if it was some group that was more cult-like. Libertarians don't strike me as cultish. Actually, the Green Party seems more so, if you really want to do a political party. (I can't believe I'm saying this as someone who mostly sympathizes with the Green Party.)

Shayvone (still slightly confused): So, uh, if we were to join this cult, would we have to worship you or some arcane elder God?

Dereck: That's all up to you, Shay. I'm not a really religious guy, but I don't want to tell you what you have to do. Besides, I'd be uncomfortable if I had women worshiping me. I'm not ready for a strong relationship right now, but don't worry, I still think of you as a great friend.

(Shayvone looks very confused at this comment)

Gary: Do we have to eat a strict diet of nutrient-poor foods that will weaken our will and make us submissive to your desires?

Dereck: Naw, guys, you eat enough of the cafeteria food already. Heh heh, get it, because the caf's food sucks? (Gary and Shayvone chuckle out of politieness). Nah, I was thinking about ordering some pizzas to watch with the movies, though.

I got it without him explaining it...I think it's funnier if he doesn't.

Shayvone: Will we have to give you all of our money and possessions to achieve "Nirvana"?

Unless you're referring to the band, nirvana should not be capitalized.

Dereck (a beat): I'd appreciate it if you guys chipped in for the pizzas. I'm running a little low this week.

Gary: Are we going to have to commit some ritual suicide when the cosmos are at the proper alignment.

Dereck: Yeah, that happens on May 21st, when the moons of Neptune are centered in Medea's Colon

Dude, if you're going to make dirty jokes about planets, you can't ignore Uranus. I'm assuming Medea's Colon does not exist, perhaps you could use the name of a real feature, since the "butts" thing seems to repeat the joke.

Gary/Shayvone (shocked): What?!

Dereck (defensively): Hey, come on! I didn't name those star patterns! It was those ancient Greek pervs, you know how much they were into butts!

(Gary and Shayvone nod in understanding)

Gary: Oh yeah...

Shayvone: Right, we talked about that in humanities...

Dereck: Besides, the suicide is an optional attendance event. All those individual robes and ceremonial daggers cost a lot, so the less people there the better. Other than that, are you two in?

Gary (mulling it over): Ah, why the hell not? It'll be a good way to relax when I'm not studying. And hey, if my chem grades don't pick up, I promise you I'll be there for the suicide.

(The three laugh over his joke, then it dies down)

Shayvone: Yeah, it seems pretty cool. I'm in too.

Dereck (pleased): Great! Thanks so much, guys. Our first meeting's on Friday, bring your sleeping bags and meet me at my dorm room by six. Tell all your friends!

Gary: We will.

Shayvone: Have a nice day, Dereck!

(Gary and Shayvone walk off to the left, leaving Dereck in the hall, smiling happily)

Dereck (happily): All right! (pumps his arms in a sign of victory) This is gonna be the best cult ever!

(fade out)

Wait, you aren't gonna end it like that, right? I'm not quite sure about this...it's mostly confusing because we don't really know what Dereck's motive is behind forming this cult. Maybe now is when you show the cult meeting, and throw in something unexpected. Right now, this sketch is lacking in tension.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Re: Dereck's Cult -- Jim Bevan, 09:14:04 03/13/05 Sun
- Possible ending -- Prateek, 14:17:47 03/13/05 Sun
  - Comments on it -- Prateek, 16:18:51 03/13/05 Sun
    - Idea for the MJ bit... -- Jim Bevan, 16:41:58 03/13/05 Sun
      - I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, Prateek -- Jim Bevan, 21:34:12 03/13/05 Sun
        Re: I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, Prateek -- Marcus Campbell, 23:12:12 03/13/05 Sun
        Re: I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, Prateek -- Prateek S., 23:29:03 03/13/05 Sun
        Open for everyone -- Prateek, 20:10:59 03/14/05 Mon