WU Review -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 18:57:39 11/13/04 Sat
Author: Jim Bevan
Subject: WU Review
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Liam Neeson 11/13/04" on 18:26:21 11/13/04 Sat

Hey all, another good installment. This week, I'm trying something different, I'm going to do a Weekend Update breakdown first before I get onto the sketches. Enjoy:

Tina Fey: Last Tuesday, the American people went to polls to vote in the presidential election and to get their voice heard. And their voice shouted, �WE ARE MORONS!�

- First off, that's been done to death by liberal comics and editorial cartoonists, so it's lost its appeal. Secondly, I take a little offense to it. I voted for Bush, and my IQ is about 160.

Tina Fey: Filmmaker Michael Moore is urging members and supports of the Democratic Party to �not slit your wrists� over the results of last week�s election. Moore then urged the Democratic Party to do what he does, not shower and eat lots and lots of Dolly Madison snack cakes!

- Good one, anything that makes fun of Michael Moore always garners laughs from me.

Amy Poehler: President Bush says he hopes the death of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat will clear the way for successful Mideast peace negotiations with new Palestinian leaders. Bush then called his brother Jeb Bush and said, �Hey Brother, how�d you like to be the new leader of Palestine?�

- Interesting approach, I liked it. I was expecting a couple of suicide bomber/hidden money/burning in hell jokes, but this was an unexpected, funny surprise.

Amy Poehler: In Alabama, election results are showing that votes came by Old Southern sympathy. And apparently, the south has sympathy for the devil.

- Again, my conservative nature prevents me from enjoying this joke. Sorry.

Tina Fey: Earlier this week coyotes were found for the first time around the nation's capital. Officials believe the coyotes are democratic since they have repeatedly tried to drop boulders on the president's head.

- Good one, there aren't enought Wile E. Coyote jokes going around today.

Rachel Dratch: Thanks Tina. Now, as we all know, George W. Bush is our president once again. And while Seth Meyers is crying in the backstage area because his best part was thrown right out the window, I have my own perspective on Bush's supporters. The way I see it, a huge majority of Bush's supporters were male.

Tina Fey: Wait, are you saying that men love Bush?

Rachel Dratch: Tina, they love Bush more than life itself. When the polls opened, men went all over Bush. I tell ya, once it's offered, men eat Bush right up. If you really look at it, of all the states that voted against gay marriage, those states all had men who wanted Bush. I know it doesn't matter where, but I'm sure men wanted Bush in the Oval Office more than anywhere else. Even Clinton want Bush in there, and he's a Democrat.

Tina Fey: Rachel, can I stop you there? Why rant on men voting Bush? What about the women?

Rachel Dratch: Oh, I'm sure there were women who wanted Bush just as much as men did, almost equally. I also found that the women fond of the president aren't to pleased with Mr. Cheney.

Tina Fey: So the women who wanted Bush don't like Dick?

Rachel Dratch: Bingo! But I kinda like the idea of them. I can always find Bush and Dick together. Just don't get Colin in the way.

Tina Fey: I've had enough. Rachel Dratch, everyone!

- I love sexual innuendo and double entendres, this was a very enjoyable commentary. It's predictable, but still funny.

Amy Poehler: New York officials this week were embarrassed when they found out a recent tagline for a clothing store entitled "Read Books, Get Brain" was a vulgar street term where Get Brain means oral sex. Officials were also embarrassed when they heard of the new McDonald's slogan "Beat Cock, Get Chicken."

- I'm sorry, I didn't really ge this one. I understood the double meaning of "beat cock", but the "get chicken" part totally eludes me.

Tina Fey: This week the Jones soda company announced it was adding a new beverage flavor never before on the market: Green Bean Casserole. In related news, Jones Soda sucks.

- Weak punchline killed it.

Amy Poehler: In Health studies this week scientists have found that Vitamin E may do more harm than good for your body. Also found this week: Vitamin X will not give you mutant powers.

- Clever. That's why I only take Vitamin C and Centrum, I don't want to end up firing plasma blasts from my fingertips.

Tina Fey: Earlier this week Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos announced that he wants to help colonize space. Apparently Bezos wants to sell people their own space ships and then have them sell them for half price later in "okay" condition.

- I just started buying on Amazon recently, so I got this in better context. Good one.

Amy Poehler: In the known galaxy this week it was discovered that Uranus - please hold your giggles - it was revealed that Uranus has clouds showing evidence that they may have an atmosphere similar to our own. However local frat boys have proclaimed that it is indeed just the Universe's biggest fart.

- Uurgh, death to dumb, predictable "uranus" jokes!

Tina Fey: In global news this week it was discovered that the arctic circle is melting and could endanger the extinction of local polar bears and other arctic species. Scientists say that it will be like the movie "The Day After Tomorrow" but only half as bad.

- Another good setup, but sad to say, it had a "Day After Tomorrow" level punchline.

Alec Baldwin: Hello, Tina. Hello, Amy. I am here to talk about the past election. America, I am here to say, that I am sickened by what I saw happen on Tuesday�and then on to Wednesday. I am sickened! You sicken me, America! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Do you know what Bush will do? Here are some key words: �A draft�; �Bombing North Korea�; �Making Nolan Ryan the appointed leader of Iraq�; �Putting Sponge Bob Square Pants on the American Flag�; �Apocalypse Now!� America, we can not stand by and let Bush crumble this country into ruins. And that is why I will be officially leaving this country to live abroad. On December 31, 2004, I will be deporting myself from this country�so, say your goodbyes�while I am still here! Thank you, America and good night!

- I'll put it bluntly: This was a bigger bomb than Oppenheimer's prototype for "Little Boy". It was another one of those rotten angry rants that lacked any real humor.

Amy Poehler: On our last update, we reported a story about Chris Penn eating his brother Sean Penn. We have an update on that story. It�s been reported that Eileen Ryan, mother of actor Chris Penn, the now-late actor Sean Penn and musician Michael Penn, is now urging her son, Michael Penn not to win any Grammys, because it might make Chris Penn jealous, which may result in Chris Penn eating his other brother, Michael. More on this story as it develops.

- This was out there, and the premise was more confusing and bizarre than funny. I didn't get it or appreciate it at all.

Tina Fey: In honor of Veteran�s Day, ABC aired the film �Saving Private Ryan� however some ABC affiliates did not take part in the airing of the film because of the violence and the language. In response to this, the Spice Channel did go ahead with their broadcast of �Saving Ryan�s Privates� in honor of Veteran�s Day!

Amy Poehler: That�s a good film. My husband gave it �9 inches up!�

- Another cliched bit, yawn!

Tina Fey: Actor Hugh Grant said in an interview this week that he has lost interest in acting and that he is heading into retirement. Asked what he would be doing now, Grant said, �Hookers�lots and lots of hookers!�

- A little predictable for WU punchlines, but okay.

Amy Poehler: In an attempt to disprove reports of her pregnancy, Britney Spears began smoking in front of paparazzi's cameras. If rumors persist, close friends say she may move to sword swallowing or perhaps just punching herself in the stomach really, really hard. (Imitating Britney) If I was pregant would I do this?(punches herself in the stomach and is winded) I think not...

- The sword-swallowing bit was a good clincher. It should have ended there, because punching herself in the stomach brought it down.

Amy Poehler:Mike Seurer, a senior CIA official, critical of the agencies war on terror, resigned last week so he could speak more freely about the flaws in the CIA and FBI's handling of their 9/11 investigations. Expect to hear little or nothing from him ever again.

- ROFL.

Tina Fey: Colin Farrell stated this week that despite being nominated by the current James Bond, actor Pierce Brosnan, he is not interested in playing James Bond. Asked to comment further, Farrell said, �I already get pussy-galore, why would I want more?�

- ROFL, 2 in a row

Amy Poehler: Madonna said this week that even thou she has been rich most of her life, her next illustrated children's book is about how wealth is overrated. Madonna went on to say, �So buy my book�because I really need the money!�

- Oh! Another weak punchline kills a potential ROFL hat-trick!

Al Sharpton: Hello, America! I believe it�s time to turn a new leaf and that is why I have divorced my wife and I�m out and about�playing the field. Ladies of America, I am calling out a booty call! The Reverend Al Sharpton is ready for love! But before the love, I want some hardcore nasty action with some Korean girls!

(Bill Clinton walks on camera from stage left; wild applause ensues)

Bill Clinton: Al, buddy, you are going about this whole thing wrong!

Al Sharpton: But, Mr. President, the Reverend wants to scare up some tang!

Bill Clinton: You�re being too desperate! You gotta be more quiet about it! Check this out. (Dramatic pause) Hello�I use to be the President of the United�

(A pair of panties fly at Clinton�s face)

�States. See what I mean, Rev? You give it a go!

Al Sharpton: Hello, I�m �The Reverend Al Sharpton�.

(A pair of panties fly at Sharpton�s face)

Bill Clinton: See what I mean? Amy, Tina, how about you ladies meet Al and myself after the show, in the ladies room?

Amy Poehler: I�m married.

Tina Fey: Yeah, so am I!

Bill Clinton: That�s fine, me and Al are going to be in there anyhow. Good night, America!

Al Sharpton: Good night, America!

Amy Poehler: The Reverend Al Sharpton and former President Bill Clinton, everyone!

- Sorry, but this went nowhere for me. It's another cliched routine, prominent men acting like horny teens after hot ladies, hitting on Amy and Tina... it was bad.

All right, that's my Update review. With luck I'll get around to reviewing the sketches soon, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the 100th episode next week.

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Replies:

Re: REVIEWS: Liam Neeson 11/13/04 -- Jack Farrell, 21:09:25 11/13/04 Sat

I just noticed something -- Jim Bevan, 15:54:01 11/14/04 Sun