Guess I might as well -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 20:26:11 11/22/04 Mon
Author: Hillary
Subject: Guess I might as well
In reply to: Jack Farrell 's message, "SNY: The Lost Comedy" on 23:12:24 11/21/04 Sun

My WU material didn't get on either. Just FYI, some of these stories are pretty old. I think I had written some for the previous episode and didn't have many so I didn't send them in.

A man who threw a live electrical wire into his wife�s bath was convicted of attempted first degree intentional homicide. The man had said he hoped a near-death experience would save their marriage. Kinda like how Bush thought invading Iraq would make the Iraqis like us.

Lindsay Lohan was recently hospitalized for a fever, causing the Surgeon General to exclaim, "Jeez, we�d better find those damn flu vaccines...This just isn�t right."

Scientists have found the skeleton of a dwarf species of human on a remote Indonesian island. So maybe Walt Disney <I>wasn�t</I> on crack when he wrote Snow White.

Certain members of Congress are promoting a bill that would open the way for space tourism. For you skeptics that think such unlikely ventures are a waste of the government�s time and money, chew on this: It could provide an easy solution for getting rid of some stupid rich people.

The National Association of Colleges and Employers reports that the job market is getting better for college grads. Meanwhile, everyone else�s jobs are getting outsourced to eight year olds in Kazakhstan.

Sky-watchers have announced that the Leonid meteor shower has "reached a climax." However, they regret to inform us that the Aurora Borealis is still suffering from a lack of libido.

Secretary of State Colin Powell�s resignation was accepted this week by the President. Now people can stop ripping off Chris Rock in making the "Bush, Dick, and Colin" jokes. Although there�s still a lot of potential with just Bush and Dick.

NBC recently reported that older drivers are still dangerous on the road. Thank you, NBC, for telling us what we already knew. Who hasn�t been cut off by some crazy old lady trying to get to Bingo night on time because those darn young whippersnappers don�t have any patience...

Tomato prices have been climbing as a national tomato shortage hits the country. Frankly, this is an outrage. However liberal I may be, I will not let you get away with this, Teresa. (She narrows her eyes menacingly.)

A spokesman for the White House said future Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice underwent minor surgery last Friday. Yes, it�s just a simple procedure to install that emergency self-detonator for the Secretary of State, right Rumsfeld?

Biologists in California have been making some weird discoveries. On many white sucker fish, which are caught and examined for research, they have found both female and male sex organs. In the Boulder Creek, female white suckers outnumbered males five to one and 50 percent of the males also had female sex tissue. Scientist are worried this upsets the biological balance, but most citizens of Colorado are not worried, saying, "Well, we mostly just need the female white suckers."

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Replies:

Re: SNY: The Lost Comedy -- Patrick Lonergan, 20:45:56 11/22/04 Mon

Re: SNY: The Lost Comedy -- Hillary, 21:09:43 11/22/04 Mon