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Date Posted: 00:05:30 12/10/04 Fri
Author: Will Ditzen
Subject: Re: submitted sketch
In reply to: Will Ditzen 's message, "submitted sketch" on 00:04:12 12/10/04 Fri

Dead Rockers Society

Wesley Willis tries to gain respect from peers

John Lennon...Colin Farrell
Keith Moon...Fred Armisen
Dimebag Darrell...Will Forte
Johnny Cash...Darrell Hammond
Cliff Burton...Seth Meyers
Frank Zappa...Chris Parnell
Minnie Riperton...Maya Rudolph
Duane Allman...Rob Riggle
Wesley Willis...Kenan Thompson

[Lennon, Cash, Zappa, and Riperton are in heaven chatting]

Lennon: So she’s like, “wow you are bigger than Jesus!”

Zappa: (laughs) Well she is Asian, and you know what they say about them.

Riperton: Yeah well as much as like to hear the rest of this fascinating conversation, I’m afraid I must be going.

Cash: Yeah me too. If I stay out too late, June will kill me.

Zappa: Oh crap guys, he’s back.

[The four groan as Wesley Willis walks up to Minnie]

Willis: Hello Minnie Riperton.

Riperton: Um..hi Wesley.

[Willis hugs her then gives her a headbutt which knocks her out]

Lennon: Good going you bloody twit.

Willis: oops

Cash: You need to be more careful son.

Willis: I’m sorry. So what are you guys doing? You want to here a song?

Zappa: Not really.

Willis: It’s called “Eat a Crocodile’s ballsac.”

Lennon: Lovely.

Cash: I’m sorry I’ll miss this. [walks off]

Zappa: Listen Wesley, don’t take this the wrong way but you don’t really fit in.

Wills: What do you mean?

Lennon: This is a place for accomplished musicians, not novelty acts.

Willis: Novelty acts?

Zappa: I think you may be happier hanging with artists more on your level.

Lennon: Jobriath, GG Allin, those delightful lads from Mayhem?

Zappa: What we’re trying to say here Wesley is that we’re better than you.

Lennon: Much better.

Zappa: But uh no offence.

[Wesley Willis walks off dejected. Fade to a recording studio. Moon is behind the drums, Allman has a guitar, and Burton is on bass. Wesley has a mic and a synthesizer.]

Willis: Alright Duane Allman, Cliff Burton, and Keith Moon, you guys ready to rock Saddam Hussein’s asshole?

[band looks confused]

Cliff: I guess so.

Willis: 1-2-3

[Band starts playing]

Wesley: [spoken] Kiss a monkey’s ass
Lick a hyena’s penis
Suck a hippo’s choad
Bite a poodle’s...

Cliff: Stop...stop please!

[band stops playing]

Willis: What is it?

Cliff: Now you said you wanted to write a song that would get you respect from the rock community, right?

Willis: Especially those bastards Zappa and Lennon.

Cliff: Well a song about oral sex with animals may not a good idea.

Willis: Well what should I write about?

Allman: Maybe something political.

Willis: ok. 1-2-3

[band starts playing]

Willis: [spoken] She is really pretty
She has sexy long legs
She has big fat ass
She needs her ass to be spanked
[singing] Condoleeeeza Riiiiice
Condoleeeeza Riiiiice

Cliff: Stop!

[band stops]

Cliff: Listen man you need to change your style. Let’s try a cover. Let’s see, since we have Moon here, let’s go with Behind Blue Eyes. You know that song Wes?

Willis: Yeah. Let’s do it. 1-2-3

[the band starts playing “Behind Blue Eyes”]

Willis: [spoken] No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
[singing] Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
[spoken] Rock over London
Rock on Chicago
Miller: It’s the president of Beers

[the music stops as Cliff smashes his bass]

Cliff: [yelling] If you’re gonna waste my time like this, then I’m out of here!

[Duane and Keith walk out with Cliff]

Willis: Now I’ll never be a respected musician.

[Dimebag Darrell walks in]

Dimebag: Hi I’m new here. Can you tell me where the crapper is?

Willis: Oh sure. Hey you were in Pantera weren’t you?

Dimebag: Yeah. I was the guitarist.

Willis: Hey maybe we can jam together.

Dimebag: We’ll see.

[Willis and Dimebag walk out of the studio]

Dimebag: [voice] Owww dammit, not the face!

Willis: [voice] Ha-ha, I head butted you good.

[fade]

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