Re: The Colin Farrell Monologue you didn't get to read... -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 19:31:33 12/11/04 Sat
Author: the writer of the sketch
Subject: Re: The Colin Farrell Monologue you didn't get to read...
In reply to: mjr II 's message, "The Colin Farrell Monologue you didn't get to read..." on 19:30:21 12/11/04 Sat

�Colin Farrell�s Monologue�

Written by Mark Jennings Reese II

�Colin Farrell

�Rachel Dratch

�The Male Cast Members

�Lorne Michaels

�Chris Kattan (cameo)

(Fade in)

Don Pardo: Ladies and Gentlemen, Colin Farrell!

(Colin enter home base from the backstage door; applause dies down)

Colin Farrell: Hello. Thank you! Thank you! Let me just say, it is absolutely get to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. It�s so great! I�m here in New York City, promoting my new film, �Alexander�, which was amazing�just to work with Oliver Stone. Now, I play the title character �Alexander� and a lot has been made about the film�mostly the fact that Alexander was an openly bisexual man, but Oliver Stone did insist on having a lot of homosexual plot lines in the film. It was tough for me, because, despite what you may have heard�I am not a homosexual. (Applause break) And to drive home this fact, I want to bring up one of my new favorite girls, Ms. Rachel Dratch.

(Rachel Dratch comes on stage)

Rachel Dratch: Colin, thank you, I just want to say I had a lot of fun this week, with you.

Colin Farrell: So did I, Rachel. So, tell the audience what we did together this week?

Rachel Dratch: We went shopping for shoes!

Colin Farrell: (Looking none to thrilled with what Rachel is saying) Yeah, what else?

Rachel Dratch: Well, then we went to Starbucks�and we sat and drank soy latte�s and we talked for hours about how hot we thought Jude Law is. Colin, you�re such a good listener!

(Fed up, Colin shouts out loud)

What�s wrong, Colin?

Colin Farrell: Rachel, don�t you see�I can�t hold back my feelings�I love men!

(Cue Music � �Working For The Weekend� by Loverboy)

(Colin Farrell starts running through out the studio, trying to make out with several of the male cast members)

(Colin runs into Lorne Michaels)

Lorne Michaels: Colin, shouldn�t you be doing the monologue?

Colin Farrell: Lorne, I have to perfectly honest�I�ve always had my eye on you. I love older men�they know�so much!

(Colin Farrell tries to kiss Lorne)

Lorne Michaels: Security, get this 'queer bomb' out of my face!

(Colin Farrell �gay like� runs through the hallways of Saturday Night Live; runs into Chris Kattan)

Colin Farrell: Kattan, what are you doing here?

Chris Kattan: I heard you were in town, girlfriend!

Colin Farrell: Let�s gay up the town!

(Cut to Kattan & Colin running �gay like� through the halls)

(Cut to home base as Kattan & Colin go back into the studio)

(Chris Kattan & Colin Farrell get back to home base)

Chris Kattan: Colin, you know what we need to do now?

Colin Farrell: Have some hot sex with Andy Dick?

Chris Kattan: Maybe at the after show party, we need to tell the audience about the great show we have for them!

Colin Farrell: We have a great show, folks! �Scissor Sisters� are here!

Chris & Colin: We�re here, we�re queer�we�ll be right back!

(Fade out)

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Replies:

Stop this -- CCS, 01:02:23 12/12/04 Sun
- pwned (NT) -- back in black, 20:33:53 12/14/04 Tue