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Date Posted: 19:01:27 08/27/04 Fri
Author: Ryan Thompson
Subject: Sketch
In reply to: Ryan Thompson 's message, "Hi everybody" on 18:59:48 08/27/04 Fri

Carabbas Fine Italian
By Ryan Thompson


Chris Carabba…Will Forte
Paul...Seth Meyers
Husband…Chris Parnell
Wife…Rachel Dratch
Woman in Restroom Stall #1…Tina Fey
Woman in Restroom Stall #2…Amy Poehler
Lenny Kravitz…Finesse Mitchell

(Shot of outside of Italian restaurant, sign says Carabbas Fine Italian.)

(Diners are eating at tables and booths, Carabba and waiter Paul talk.)

Paul: Chris, isn’t it illegal to own your own Italian restaurant called Carabbas, when there already is one with the same name?

Chris: Oh Paul, I’m Chris Carabba, lead singer for the most powerful emo band in the world, Dashboard Confessional!

Paul: Wow, was that stupid, anyhow, why don’t you talk to your customers.

Chris: Great idea let me get my guitar.

(Chris picks up acoustic guitar, goes over to table.)

Chris: Hey folks, I’m Chris Carabba, owner of this fine eatery, how is your meal?

Husband: Oh, it’s great.

Wife: Yes, your food is delicious.

Chris: Yeah, I wrote a little song about it.

(Starts playing guitar to tune of Dashboard Confessional’s “Hands Down”)

Chris: (singing) Hands down this is the best spaghetti you’ll ever eat, you’ll twirl around your fork, slurp it up and eat it cause you like it, and I know that you like it, that you like it.

(Table claps for emo singing)

Chris: Thank you. (Looks at wife) What are you eating miss?

Wife: Fried ravioli, Mr. Carabba.

(Starts playing guitar to the tune of Dashboard Confessional’s “Screaming Infidelities”)

Chris: (singing) Red sauce is everywhere! Fried ravioli, fried ravioli, fried ravioli,

Husband: Okay, we got it.

Paul (rushing): Chris, a lady is sick in the restroom.

Chris: Let me check on her.

(Goes into restroom)

Chris: Miss? Are you okay?

Woman in Restroom Stall #1: I ate too much linguini and it’s catching up on me.

Chris: You know; I’m reminded of a song, let me sing you it.

(Starts playing guitar to the tune of REM’s “Losing My Religion”)

Chris: (singing) That’s me in the restroom, that’s me in the stall, losing my linguini, oh no I ate too much.

Woman in Restroom Stall #1: I’m feeling better, that’s enough.

Woman in Restroom Stall #2: Hey, are you Chris Carabba?

Chris: Yes I am.

Woman in Restroom Stall #2: Wow, it’s great to meet you.

Chris: Let me sing you a song about what you’re doing right now, yet another REM cover.

(Starts playing guitar to the tune of REM’s “Everybody Hurts”)

Chris: (singing) Cause everybody poops somet—

Woman in Restroom Stall #2: You know that’s really disgusting.

Paul: Chris, its time for your show.

Chris: Thanks Paul.

(Chris heads off to stage in restaurant.)

Chris: Hey everybody, welcome to Carabbas Fine Italian, I’d like to perform a song with my friend Lenny Kravitz.

Lenny: Thanks Chris. At the beginning to my music video, I am in a hotel room with four or five women, and I changed my new song “Where Are We Runnin?” to accommodate that fact.

(Picks up guitar, starts playing new song.)

Lenny: (singing) Trojans
K-Y
Lubri-cant
Bought them at Walgreen’s

Smirnoff
Vodka
The twisted kind
With the raspberry

Gonna get you drunk
Cuz’ you got junk in the trunk

Let’s have an orgy
(Come on invite all your friends)
Let’s have an orgy

(Sketch fades out while Lenny sings)

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