Re: Reagan sketch -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 04:44:25 06/10/04 Thu
Author: Some Guy
Subject: Re: Reagan sketch
In reply to: Some Guy 's message, "Reagan sketch" on 04:43:25 06/10/04 Thu

Seth Meyers: Ronald Reagan
Fred Armisen: St. Peter
Kenan Thompson: Joshua

(St.Peter sits in his office typing on his computer.)

Joshua (voice): There's a Ronald Reagan waiting to see you sir.

St.Peter: Send him in Joshua.

(Ronald Reagan walks in wearing a white gown.)

St. Peter: Well, the great communicator has finally been called up. How are you today?

Ronald: Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm dead tired.

St. Peter: (laughs) You still have it my friend. Well let's check your file.

(Ronald attempts to look at screen, but St.Peter jumps to block screen.)

St.Peter: Please stay back!

Ronald: You're looking at porn aren't you?

St. Peter: Well of course I'm not! I would never look at that kind of thing.

Ronald: Of course not.

St.Peter: Now Ronnie, it seems as if I have good news and bad news.

Ronald: okay.

St.Peter: The good news is that according to your record, you have merited an entrance to heaven.

Ronald: Thank you lord.

St.Peter: However, It appears God sold your soul to Satan in order to help fund Nicaraguan Contras.

Ronald: What?

St.Peter: I'm just kidding.

Ronald: Good. I almost died again.

St.Peter: They aren't Nicaraguan.

Ronald: This isn't funny.

St.Peter: I'm serious. Don't worry though, you won't go to hell immediately. You'll stay here at first and slowly trickle down over a period of time (laughs).

Ronald: That's not funny.

St.Peter: After awhile, you get desensitized. If I can stop feeling bad for condemming impoverished children who die of aids to hell, I can laugh at you. Next.

Ronald: Is Nancy going to hell too?

St.Peter: Actually she's going to be reincarnated as a marijuana plant.

Ronald: At least I won't have to deal with that crazy bitch anymore. Goodbye. (leaves)

St.Peter: Goodbye. (returns to computer) Now to return to that Mary-kate and Ashley forum. I can't believe they're finally legal.

(fade)

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