A comment on my sketch's review -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 13:47:10 06/18/04 Fri
Author: JPIII
Subject: A comment on my sketch's review
In reply to: CCS 's message, "Characters in Focus [UN] (the non-eyesore version)" on 21:41:50 06/17/04 Thu

Man(Gary) - The foil for most of the sketch, he's not completely on his rocker himself, providing an interesting contrast of characters that absorbs all the plot twists with strong dialogue. Gary has more conscience than he'd like, and this makes for great comedy...

I'M GLAD YOU DISCOVERED THIS...IN ESSENCE, THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR W/ GARY. I MADE HIM A SOMEWHAT RATIONAL, CONSCIENCE-DRIVEN INDIVIDUAL WHO INNOCENTLY WANTS A LITTLE "NOOKIE" ON THE SIDE, BUT CAN'T HIDE HIS DISGUST AT THE EVENTUAL RESULT, EVEN THOUGH HIS SYMPATHY SEEMINGLY EEKS OUT.

I think one thing that might have helped solidified the premise of this sketch, however, is if he knew he was getting a hermaphrodite, but thought it meant something else.

THIS COULD BE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SKETCH, BUT I LIKE THIS IDEA A LOT...IT MAY HAVE PROVIDED FOR A NICE JOKE, EVEN AMIDST THE CURRENT DIRECTION. AN EXCELLENT SUGGESTION. BY THE WAY, I LIKE THIS STYLE OF REVIEWING A LOT. I THINK THAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS ESSENTIAL IN SKETCH WRITING, AND THIS MAY BE WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE AT THIS SITE COULD USE THE MOST HELP.

Escort(Ginger) - Hooker with a penis. You created some funny dialogue for her and all-in-all characterized her well. I especially liked the southern belle accent you gave her. A prostitute who adopted her kids - hilarious.

GLAD YOU LIKED HER, TOO. SHE'S A FUN CHARACTER, BUT INEVITABLY JUST AS CONFLICTED AS GARY, WHICH PROVDIES FOR SOME OF THE CONTRASTS SHE EXHIBITS THROUGHOUT THE SKETCH.

There were a few spots that weren't working quite so great. First off, I think you misused the word "typecast" about halfway down, as it usually refers to actors and actresses, not people.

HERE, YOU'RE MISSING AN ESSENTIAL ASPECT OF COMEDY WRITING. USUALLY, DIALOGUE IS MADE MUCH FUNNIER WHEN WORDS NOT TYPICALLY USED IN PARTICULAR SITUATIONS ARE INSERTED IN "NORMAL" CONVERSATION. HERE, "TYPECAST" TECHNICALLY FITS WELL (LOOK IT UP, IT WORKS), BUT CERTAINLY ISN'T USUAL IN THIS SITUATION. THE FACT THAT THE WORD'S INITIAL, COLLOQUIAL CONNOTATION, WHICH IS ITS REFERENCE TO "PIGEON-HOLING" THESPIANS IN CERTAIN ROLES, IS USED TO DESCRIBE HER NOT WANTING TO BE "PIGEON-HOLED" IN THE ROLE OF EITHER "MAN" OR "WOMAN" (AS IF SHE'S PROUD TO BE A HERMY FREAK) PROVIDES FOR ADDED HUMOR.

*THIS RESPONSE IS LONGER THAN TYPICAL B/C I'M QUITE A WORDSMITH, AND WANT TO ENSURE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT I KNOW THE DIFFERENCES AND SIMILARITIES BETWEEN "TYPECASTING," "STEREOTYPING," AND "PIGEON-HOLING."

Secondly, I'm not sure I like the silly needs, versus the normal ones. I like the idea of her creating the costs for herself, such as by adopting the kids, but the TiVo just doesn't work as well and almost kills the comic sympathy we feel for her.

I THINK THIS IS A MUCH MORE VALID CRITICISM, BUT IN ALL REALITY, IT BREAKS DOWN LIKE THIS: YOU'D PREFER HER CHARACTER TO CONSISTENLY ELICIT SYMPATHY, WHEREAS I PREFER HER TO THINK AND BEHAVE UNPREDICTABLY, WHICH I FEEL HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE FUNNIER, EVEN IF SOMEWHAT ODDER, THAN WHAT WOULD BE EXPECTED.

Finally, I think it would have been really funny if when she's on the defensive about the whole penis thing that she compares her's with Gary's. Nothing too involved, just a quick comic jab.

A JOKE ABOUT THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EXCELLENT ADDITION.

JPIII

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Replies:

Glad you're enjoying the review -- CCS, 23:07:13 06/18/04 Fri