Re: Sketch Post -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 22:25:43 06/23/04 Wed
Author: Prateek Srivastava
Subject: Re: Sketch Post
In reply to: Prateek Srivastava 's message, "Sketch Post" on 22:19:35 06/23/04 Wed

A Very Interesting Trailer

Narrator: Chris Parnell
Keith: Horatio Sanz
Matt Leblanc
D12-minus Eminem

(Open with a black screen and the Narration starts)
Narrator: While other movies try and make their mark this summer.
(Cut to a clip of Soul Plane)
(Cut to a clip of Garfield the Movie)
Narrator: Make sure you see a movie that will really turn out to be a hit. I�m talking about
(Large block letters come right at you onto the screen)

THE ULTIMATE MOVIE(The screen then freezes)
Narrator: Yes, it is the ultimate movie, why is it the ultimate? Well, just watch.
(A clip is rolled showing ET, the epic finger touching scene. Then cut to a black screen again)

Narrator: That�s right, to avoid any risk in losing our audience, we are just taking clips from famous movies and making one big movie out of that.

Narrator: Why are we doing that, because these days original creative movies are not making money. Look at the figures, new creative movies� sales are down.
(Cut to a cheap hand drawn chart with a downward arrow).

Narrator: Back to the movie. This is a high quality movie, we have Oscar nominated scenes and state of the art technology. Well, not that state of the art, most of these movies are from 80's and 70's.
(Cut to a clip of Star Wars, the Death Star scene and then fade to black)

Narrator: This is an exclusive movie, only to be shown in the finest of theaters, like the exclusive basement of our good friend Keith.
( Cut to an overweight guy with glasses. The camera pans to show a small barely lit basement.)
Keith: Hi, I�m Keith, this is my basement, you can watch the Ultimate movie here, no hassles from the cops, er, uh. No hassles of popcorn or any types of snacks. Just a great bachelor pad�s sweet tv. Okay, it�s not a bachelor pad. I�m just living in my mom�s basement. But hey I get free food, and I never have to worry about work or bills or dating or bathing or-
(The clip is interrupted and the screen becomes black again.)

Narrator: So come on down and see our great movie, the Ultimate Movie. It has all the best scenes, and that�s not all. Earlier we talked about how this film is not really the state of the art technology of today that has all changed because , we have another picture coming soon. Yes, it is called the Ultimate Movie to the max or as we call it the Maxed out Ultimate Movie. Yes, all your favorite movies to their maximum audio and visual quality, it�s the movies to the max.
Actually, we lied that is not the max. It is for the next month, but then look out. It�s the Maxed out Ultimate movie Re-maxed. Yes a sequel with even more high tech quality. Well, no new footage, but all the movie magic, TO THE MAX. So now, you think that is it. The Ultimate movie, then, the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie, and then the Maxed Out Ultimate Movie Re-maxed. But, that is not all. Yes, there is the highest quality picture, with the surround sound of the ages. High Definition, and the best quality scenes, it is everything you have seen, maxed out to it�s full capabilities. We are talking about the Ultimate Maxed out movie Extravaganza!!
(The screen suddenly freezes. It then fades out to black and to Home base. On Home base, Matt Leblanc stands in the center.)

Matt Leblanc: Hi, what you just saw was a cheap movie company�s desperate attempt at making a hit. I guess they tried a little too hard!(He pauses, thinking he made a joke. The audience doesn�t laugh or respond. He starts talking again)
Matt Leblanc: Actually, what they did was horrible. They downloaded those movie clips and just put them together for this film. You see, downloading is wrong not only if you�re pirating. It strips the creator�s royalties and rights. It�s all just another form of stealing, and we the people shouldn�t steal.
(Suddenly patriotic music pots up and a flag is unfurled, in back of Leblanc)
Matt: So please America, don�t steal because stealing really is a form of-. Oh who am I kidding!
(Suddenly the music abruptly stops)
Matt: I just did this whole presentation as a favor for SNL. If this presentation did well, then SNL would help me with my show Joey. I mean come on, it�s gonna suck this fall, I need celebrity guest stars and gimmicks. But I don�t think anyone cares what the unpopular Friends castmembers has to say about Piracy. So I guess I�ll go back to my dismal state of appearing on Craig Kilborn and hosting mock Saturday Night You summer episodes.
(Suddenly Proof, Bizarre, Kuniva, Kon Artis, Swift who make up D12, appear on Home base)

Proof: Yo, is it time for D12 to perform.

Matt Leblanc: This is a mock episode, it doesn�t even exist, it is all in the minds of the writer. There is no need for a performance.

Proof: That be good, we don�t even do much. Eminem does most of the rappin. We just act stupid half the time.

Matt Leblanc: I guess you guys know what it feels like to be in the shadow of your friends. You know, we could help each other out. Why don�t you guys make an appearance on �Joey�

Bizarre: Hey man, what�s in it for us. I�m not appearing on no white show as some token person!

Matt: Oh no, no token, it�s just a ratings booster.

Bizarre: Still, what be in it for us!

Matt: Fine, I�ll introduce you guys to Lisa Kudrow.

D12: All Right! We�ll do it.

Matt Leblanc: All Right! Now �Joey� will be on for 2 seasons instead of one.
(D12's �My Band� pots up and everyone on Home base starts to dance and the screen fades out)

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